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I’d say Scarecrow designs are a continuum of eldritch monstrosity to Middle Aged Man Wearing a Hat, but I fear there is no in between. Pick one or the other. That’s all you get.
Idk my two headcanons of the night are that Eddie is deathly afraid of women and also that he has erectile dysfunction. Not because of age or anything but just because he hates his dick so much it makes him depressed
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So Microsoft just released Microsoft 3d movie maker opensource… how cool!!! I’m so excited to see all the weird shit folks make with it… I think this’ll be the next source filmmaker.
i hate the "we should only have queer actors playing queer characters" argument for several reasons. but what annoys me the most is that people who argue this straight up don't realize that it's illegal to ask someone about their sexuality in relation to a job interview. like an audition. i don't think breaking anti-discrimination laws to screen people's sexualities to determine their employment is the woke take you think it is.
and just. setting that aside. if you're saying "we should only have queer actors playing queer characters" you're saying that queer people must be publicly out to play a queer character. even if that actor and that character have the same sexuality. that actor has to disclose that to the whole world. again. i don't think demanding queer people to out themselves in order to engage with a queer acting role is doing anyone any good.
head in hands. it's acting. it's playing make believe. i don't care if the actress playing a lesbian character has kissed a woman before. i care if she's good at pretending she has.
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Content Warnings: Overheard masturbation, voyeurism(ish), Klahadore’s just a teenie bit possessive (as a treat)
Description: After having to tend to Kaya in the middle of the night, Klahadore passes your door and hears your pleasure from the other side. And his curious nature simply cannot be helped…
Read on AO3: [Link still pending. I’ll get that invite any day now lmfao]
Notes: Itty bitty ficlet this time. Despite the rating, nothing’s explicitly depicted. Just alluded to in great detail and with dialogue. You know, the basics. It was interesting to write reader-insert from the blorbo’s perspective 🤔 I might try some more (or maybe I’ll make an OC so I can smoosh their action figures together and write about it, who knows?)
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The moment Klahadore shut Kaya’s door behind him, the gentle smile he’d been feigning snapped into the scowl he’d been wearing internally. Stupid girl, waking me in the middle of a night for a silly dream.
The young lady had been startled by a nightmare. Without her parents to comfort her, the burden had fallen to her faithful butler to bring her warm tea and retrieve her teddy bear which had fallen to the floor in her restless sleep. Klahadore wanted to vent his frustrations in a loud sigh, but the walls of the estate were quite thin for the amount it was worth.
So thin, in fact, that he heard the familiar sound of your voice cursing as he passed your bedroom door. Curiously, though, the profanity spilling from your lips didn’t sound like they were elicited by anger. They were hardly more than odd murmurs amidst a symphony of gasps and moans.
Klahadore’s face went scarlet as he realized exactly what was happening on the other side of that door. His feet rooted to the ground on the other side of your door as he glanced over each of his shoulders. Convinced there was nobody to spot him, he slowly crept closer to the door, only having a moment’s hesitation before pressing his ear against it.
“F-Fuck, please, yes. Just like- mmm, oh, yes, like that!”
Is there someone else in there? Klahadore couldn’t help the wave of jealousy that slammed into his chest. Since the moment he had laid eyes on you, he had decided you were his. Other than being kept busy with his duties to Kaya, his slow pursuit of you was entirely calculated. He needed to learn exactly how to entice you so he could stake his claim over you properly - ideally while you were begging for it.
Except now, all that planning had been thrown out the window. He had half the mind to bust the door down entirely to interrupt you and this supposed interloper, to demand whoever it was keep their filthy hands off his kitten.
But Klahadore wanted to know. He wanted to hear you cry out their name so he knew who’d he be sending to a watery grave at the break of dawn.
It was only a few moments before he got his answer. Anyone with less astute hearing would have missed it. Would have missed the way your breath suddenly quickened, the panicked shuffling of frantically grabbing a pillow, and the muffled whimper that followed.
“Klahadoooore~!!”
In a blink, Klahadore was splayed against the adjacent wall, his hand clasped tightly over his lips to trap his gasp. His face was hot to the touch and he could swear his heart was stuttering. Hearing you cry his name while you were in the throes of pleasure suddenly made his slacks uncomfortably tight.
On the other side of the door, he could hear you panting. The quick-paced metronome was soon interrupted by sharp inhales and hissed cursing. Klahadore had to bite down on his finger when he realized you were trying to push yourself further. To get more.
Klahadore’s mind raced, flashing images of what he would see if he opened the door. Your hair sticking to your forehead, cheeks flushed, pupils blown, lips swollen from biting down on them to keep quiet? He wondered where your hands had been when you were pretending they were Klahadore’s, what they had been doing just like that. He didn’t realize his hand had left his mouth until it was pressing against the bulge below his belt.
He softly sighed your name as the touch had him closing his eyes to see the fireworks he could feel firing behind them. He wanted it to be his hands that continued teasing you after your climax. He wanted to hear you purr his name into his ear instead of into the pillow. He wanted to be free of his clothing and buried deep inside you, claiming you as his territory while you told him exactly how good it was making you feel.
Klahadore would have lost himself to his imagination if he hadn’t picked up on how the other side of the door went silent. He withdrew his hand in an instant, letting it hang in the air for a moment. He knew that he ought to have fled, to have returned to his own bedroom to take care of the inconvenience in his pants.
But he couldn’t deny his curiosity.
Before he knew what he was doing, Klahadore knocked on your door. He heard a gasp from the other side, followed by a string of profane hissing.
“Uh- Who, uh, who’s there?” you called.
Klahadore internally swore. His blood had drained out of his head and for once he hadn’t thought of what to say.
“You called, my dear.”
“Kla- oh, fuck!”
After the pattering of running footsteps, the door swung open. Klahadore found himself being pulled inside before he could get a good look at you. He was finally able to focus his eyes when you slammed the door shut, using your back to barricade it. You were entirely unclothed, using a blanket wrapped around your body to conceal yourself.
“What did you hear?”
“You called for me.”
“Don’t play dumb with me! What. Did. You. Hear?”
“I heard you calling for me, kitten,” Klahadore repeated, grabbing your hand and stepping much too close. “But it was difficult to hear with that pillow in the way. How about next time you whimper into my ear instead, hm?”
Your head buried into Klahadore’s shoulder, as if doing so would hide your embarrassment. Then you tilted your head upward, lips brushing against Klahadore’s ear.
“Klahadore,” you whined.
“Good kitty,” Klahadore groaned, his hands suddenly grasping at the blanket around your waist and pulling you in. “Just like that.”
You inhaled sharply, once again pressing your face into Klahadore’s neck. The way the muscles of Klahadore’s throat writhed beneath your lips as he swallowed made your knees give just slightly.
“Klahadore, I can’t,” you whined against Klahadore’s skin. “That was my second, I-”
“Second?” Klahadore echoed, his heartbeat picking up in an instant. “And was the first also to the thought of me?”
“They,” you sighed before continuing your confession, “They’ve all been. Since we met. I keep thinking about you, and when I think about you I have to… take care of myself.”
“That stands to reason,” Klahadore hummed, rubbing circles into your hip. “If I’m the one who caused you all that trouble, I ought to be the one to fix it, right?”
pro tip “he freed his erection” is the most useful phrase in any smut writer’s arsenal because it means never having to figure out a dude’s pants situation. how did he do it? were there zippers? buttons? some kind of bizarre lacing situation? maybe he cut off his pants with scissors. maybe it was a wizard. maybe it busted out like the hulk busts out of his shirts. no one knows. no one cares. his dick is out now and that is all that matters. thank you helpful dick wizard.
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