I havenāt been a teenager in over a decade. Mind has yet to change on the subject.
At 14, I told my guidance counselor that I didnāt want kids. He chuckled, patted me on the back, and informed me that when I got a little older, and I was with a guy, I would change my mind.
At 16, my grandmother nearly had a heart attack because of her three granddaughters, myself and the youngest agreed we didnāt want to uave babies. Ever.
At 17, my father asked about my life plan. I told him: graduate high school, get my college degree, do some traveling and writing, go for this particular job I wanted, retired around X age, take month-long vacations to places I wanted to spend time in, etc. He asked, āWhat about a husband? Children? Normal things a girl is supposed to think about?ā My response- a husband if a man came along that could share an adventure with me, kids were a No Go. He assured me I would āgrow upā qnd change my mind.
At 19, I shocked my former babysitter who had known me since I was a toddler, when I confirmed the rumour sheād heard that I didnāt want kids. She patted my momās arm and reassured her in a sweet voice that, āDonāt worry, girls say a lot of silly things before they meet the right fella, and wise up. Sheāll give you grand babiesā
At 22, I was talking to a college professor who chuckled at my making a comment about how, āthank goodness Iām never going to have to worry about juggling child rearing eith marriage, work, and lifeā, then she realized I was serious. She asked if I was alright, thinking I could-not (not didnāt-want) kids. I told her the truth, could have but didnāt want to. She was aghast, then told me that Iād change my mind when my husband wanted some kids.
Well, Iām over 30, still have absolutely no desire to give birth, adopt, raise, or have much of anything to do with children. I donāt hate children, I donāt think people who have them are crazy (more power to you, to create and/or care for another person), and I donāt think itās impossible to have a life AND have children. I recognized at an early age that I donāt have that biological imperative to procreate, I donāt have the patience to deal with children (something that has shown very little improvement as Iāve gotten older, in fact it might be getting worse), and I donāt feel my life is incomplete without creating another life- I am good with living my own and doing my best to enrich the lives of those I care about (I try my best to be a good friend, to be a good sister, good daughter, good pet-owner, and a good person in general).
So please, please stop telling girls (or really kids at all, but especially girls) that they will change their minds. Please donāt tell them that meeting āthe right guyā will make them suddenly feel broody, that their potential future husbandās desire to have children will make her reconsider and see things his way. For one, a couple should have had that conversation and decided if it was a deal breaker, LONG before they got hitched. For another, itās her body that gets to grow and birth another human being- her husbandās desire to be a father doesnāt supercede her autonomy.
Please, let girls make their own choices? Girls are forced to mature too fast as it is and are bombarded from all sides with SHOULD (you SHOULD be a size 2, you SHOULD wear this dress, you SHOULD have a boyfriend to be a normal teen, you SHOULD always smile), they donāt need another judgement from someone who hasnāt walked a mile in their particular shoes. Respect teenage girls and their ability to look at the world, themselves, their situation, and their future, and make an important choice.
*gets off soap box, slides it back under the sofa, lets out a sigh*
Thanks for attending my TED talk. G'night.
areudirty
andulkaphoto
jbbartram-illu
dededos
yousharknotpass
