IM ESPIRICALESPER AND IM FINE

imagine being the first person to have a barbeque in space and getting to say "the steaks have never been higher"

online pal said "[medications] to go" and I'm giggling at the idea of going to the pharmacy and having medications "for here." I sit down at a plastic chair and table with a plate full of antipsychotics and take them one by one while chatting with a college classmate I'm trying to fuck

i didn't think i'd ever believe a "public figure is actually dead and they're hiding it from us" but uh. it ain't sounding good for mitch mcconnell.

All my haters become radiators when I attend the Forum Pasquart of success

Look I think it is commendable to write a book. That takes work no matter what. But man are there some bad ones out there.

Man I miss free the nipple. Its getting warmer and we don’t even have free the nipple anymore

the thing about misogyny is that nothing makes apparent how prevalent it is faster than just pointing out misogyny, which will have people scuttering out of the damn sewers like ninja turtles to accuse you of being an overly sensitive shit-stirring know-nothing who's making up things to be offended about. which is actually also pretty misogynistic, but if you point it out people will come scuttering out of the damn sewers—

apple bottom skeens, boots with the jeans

the whole club was looking at weems

she hit the jeams?

next thing you kneams

stop romanticizing your problems. start sexualizing them instead convince yourself you are into every bad thing you experience

i am going to suck you off! *puts in plastic vampire teeth and gives you the worst blowjob imaginable*

Europeans will say shit like “I hate Americans because they are stupid and fat and annoying.” when you are talking about the medical system or systemic racism or gun violence or something equally serious. Never fails. And the most infuriating part is that they are stupid and not skinny and extremely annoying and their medical system is falling apart and there is heinous systemic racism and family violence in their country.