in your dr e a m s

“Attack! We are under attack!” In less than a second, thousands of thoughts spurred in mind, Like an ocean, drowning me with fear and dread, But I was a trained for this – Plunge!

Am I ready to take the risks? I remember my life – my wife and my children Whom I am supposed to see soon Am I really ready to lose sight of the shore?

This was supposed to be better, No more tours means lesser risks, But not now or ever, I have found the Pacific to my Atlantic of woes.

My heart beats faster and in 1, 2, and 3 – Breathe! I realize – semper fortis – the water should be my domain And so Seals say, and they were right, “The only easy day was yesterday.”

Not over 2 miles from us

That safe haven was no more Fire starts swallowing the building Its heat reaches us, sapping our strength That was a call and it has to be answered But whether that call was for us or not I was ready; we better be ready, Now swim!

(taken from my freshman year monologues; no edits; as is)

No, you don’t borrow words, phrases, and paragraphs

From another’s mind and mouth.

I, having no words,

Gibberish, and a bow used on a guitar,

Wallow in Sigur Ros,

I cry, beauty and lies, all same.

I lose myself.

First times are the hardest.

And it hasn’t been a year. 

Isn’t the moon beautiful tonight?

My mother disagrees, “It looks full, but it’s waning.”

I looked again, and

So a part of me, I decide, should forget how some six years ago

I would slowly walk back up to where I kept shelter

There was a certain height in the road

When you look up, the trees are so shy they have space

To circle your vision

And in the center, I always saw a waxing moon.

I

guess

I

would

not

have 

to 

wonder

about

half-

in your dr e a m s turned 6 today!

One was walking by the sidewalk -- it's a busy end of week Phone, on one hand, she says she can't turn on her cam The hubbub of the market audible Questions were clear and curiosity on the case was palpable The rest of us were dying to eat dinner and watch the Olympics? It was already 8:30 PM by the way

Another was nursing her child, though she volunteered to deliver her report first Apologizing for the delay and asking for a few more minutes to soothe her daughter, not wanting to be in the dad's company on a Saturday morning

Another pulled over on the highway To drop some thirty-minute presentation that only half of the audience listened to Good, she had a lot of battery left.

Another apologized she can't quite make it She came out of the clinic A therapy session for her sciatica she reports To which the doc says she doesn't need to walk to speak -- oops wrong move.

But I guess no one can beat that one When the class had to end on time because we were using her premium Zoom account She still has a client to meet by 12:30 pm.

And you met my eyes

And the way your eyes grew wide

And when your mouth was just about to break into a smile

And I stop you there

And I raise my brows and nod

And I look side ways-- you too

And as if to say we are okay

And we were both in black

And it was red day after all

And we knew there was not much left to say

And it was just a little less than 30 seconds

And we walked past each other

And we dared not look back

And we were so far -- barely even touched

And we felt our minds grew close

And we went on crossing

It was my favorite hallway

Who always ran 

When night was slowly embracing 

Her side of the earth,

Look up,

You are moon,

Light has come.

No, 

Light was always 

Haven’t touched watercolors in years. But still sort of a samurai x fan. 

It will feel like snow Held for the first time, a knife so Pretty to the eyes. Ice first cuts open the flesh; Your blood’s warmth soon comes after.

I’ve always enjoyed the original casting for the Korean variety show Master in the House (Jipsabu). The casting was lit—strong and well thought (and well delivered) roles for each of the cast members. More than the comical characters they portray (e.g. Seung Gi as the overachieving Special Forces soldier or Sang Yun as the brainy one), I’d like to think that each member of the cast portrayed a character that amplified one element of personality (in a Freudian sense). Yes, I’m talking about the id, the ego, and the superego.

To illustrate this dynamic, allow me to refer to the 83rd episode of Jipsabu with their masters Noh Sa Yeon and Lee Mu Song. They were eating lunch as they talked about this question: Would it be okay for you if your girlfriend went to have drinks with her friend of the opposite sex?

Sang Yun and Se Hyeong seem to be more like the id. They either frowned at the idea, or allowed it but with certain conditions. As in Freud’s conceptualization of the id, Sang Yun and Se Hyeong portrayed the thought process which operated on the basis of the pleasure principle: You do what I want…And only what I want.

Sung Jae seems to be a bit like the superego. He goes on like, “If I have a girlfriend, I do not have to meet my female friends….I would drop her off and pick her up instead.” In true superego fashion, this line of thinking places the other—the romantic partner at the center. Subsequently, this thought process focuses on what he shouldn’t do (as dictated by conscience) and what he should do (as given out by the ego-ideal) as a “boyfriend”. To drive this point home, the superego operates on this: I will do what you want me to do.

Seung Gi seems to be more like the ego. He thinks Sung Jae’s stance will only cause more problems and says, “My girlfriend can eat or drink with her friends of the opposite sex.” Similar to the ego which mediates between reality and the demands of the id, Seung Gi’s take on the issue (a non-issue for him tbh!) reflects the kind of acceptance and trust that are foundational in any relationship, romantic or not. Accepting the fact that interacting with other people is inevitable, and trusting the other person enough to let them do things that they want to do. The ego in this situation screams out: Sure, go ahead. Do what you want to do.

As you can see, each of the cast embodies a part of our personalities – that’s why they are all so relatable. We can’t choose one cast member over the other because we are all a little bit of the roles they play. We can empathize with Sang Yun and Se Hyeong’s need for control. We can fall head over heels for Sung Jae’s naivety. And we are all finally won over by Seung Gi’s hard-to-swallow pill of reality.