and if i will be able to WALK approximately less than TWO BLOCKS to the GROCERY STORE well i mean come on. come on. and two bedrooms? one to sleep and one to house my home office and three sewing machines? please.

huge if true but i might know a guy with a house exactly where i want to live who is willing to rent it to me for an amount of money i can tolerate paying and i don't even have to pay a company it's just a guy whose fifty-somethingth birthday party i went to last year and am going to again on friday. downside is i WILL be homeless for two weeks in late july but like i can do that. i'm flexible.

whatever. as many of us do i too have to believe in my heart that the types of love i need do exist in the world and will become present in my life soon. lest i succumb to despair. and i have to say to myself: am i acting in a way that brings me closer to the types of love i want? or am i acting in a way that avoids the types of hurt i fear?

i do a lot of this sort of thing which is why yesterday when i was out and about and handedness came up in conversation and i said "i'm left handed" an acquaintance of mine said "of course you are" because well. of course i am.

fucking up the traditional cultural "i love your pants where did you get them?" by replying "oh! i made them myself!"

playful and serious are not antonyms. and also casual and playful are not synonyms. and furthermore teasing is not fun though i recognize some people think it is fun play. i hope i do not pop people's bubbles as often as i am afraid they will pop mine. i am going to be more careful about that moving forward. likewise i know i put too much pressure on myself. and i hope to quit doing that. i want to have room to breathe and i think it is really basically just me who ultimately prevents this most of the time.