Reflections of Me

I just fell into you.

And I fell in love with you.

Deeply.

Almost like the universe wanted us to be.

And maybe it did.

I’d like to think, I was made for you.

To keep you balanced…

To broaden your horizons …

To just

love

you…

… and so much more.

I just fell into you.

And I fell in love with you.

Effortlessly.

Although the universe may have brought us together…

we chose to stay together.

I’d like to think you were made for me.

To motivate me…

To give me clarity…

To just

love

me…

… and so much more.

I just fell into you.

And I fell in love with you.

Confidently.

Thank you for catching me.

-Ty

To a woman whom has healed herself many times, this is laughable.

Is it still a safe place?

Can I wander down this road in isolation?

It’s fine to take a trip...

They will use you until they no longer can and then go to the next person and use them the same way. It starts off small... a small loan, a ride, or just your ears to listen.

Giving that type of person a listening ear is the WORST thing you could have done because now they got you hooked. Feeding you a sob story about were they came from and the whole history of why they are the way they are. Maybe even a heartbreak story.

Once your hooked, the goodness comes out of you. Before you know it your throwing money at them for keeps, driving them any and everywhere, and telling them your deepest darkest secrets because you “get” each other and are “there” for each other.

Eventually your well will run dry. That person will consume you. One day you will realize but it will be too late. You opened the door for that type of dependency. It’s your fault they still struggle standing on their two feet.

I have let this happen to me many times over. One day I woke up and chose me. I left. I didn’t look back. Those users will be okay. They will do their best to “move on” and be “better” without you.

Is it crazy that I’m jealous of the bed that gets to caress your curves at night?

Am I insane for being upset that the pillows kiss your head while you drift off to sleep?

If I wrote about love with you in between the lines...

...the script would convince you that I was/am in love.

...your heart would cry out in satifaction from fullness.

...I would be lying.

Are you impressed by how i choose to wooh your spirit? Or how well I can tell a story of a love that is not of my own?

I am giving you something that was meant for feeling....

...loved unconditionally.

...wanted so badly.

...so deep you would drown in your own tears.

Twisted right? I tell twisted stories of lies for the sake of the hopeless. Giving them a glipse of what it would be like to be in love or at least what I believe how I would love you if I did or even could.

I’ve been here before...

I should have saved you from me...

But here you are...

Here we are...

Me writing about what I could or should have done...

Changing nothing but myself from what became...

God I’m fucked up...

Why?

Because i have been here before...

Reaction from actions

Moved without restrictions or force

Gravitational pulls and you are centered

No hope

No expectations

Just you and what you give to the world

It gives back

Until it doesn’t

Whatever these jumpled words are

Just an excuse to not write about you

My reaction to your actions or lack of

No leash on my tounge

No hope

No expectations

Just me

Giving light and love

Only where I find equality

Positively, lying to myself over again

Excuses for false healing

I was empty when i held you

Cruel punishment designed by me for me

Intended to pick up where i lacked

Where i still lacking

Where I am empty now

Facing my lies, this is healing

I fear confrontation, but it is my truth

I was filling a bucket with holes

Holes that could have been filled

The cycle began with self destruction

You were lying to yourself

False healing in a life before me

You were were empty when you held them

In a prison designed for you by you

Rotting away from thought of being inadequate

You were enough then

They made you empty with lies

Fearful of confrontation you chose to create flaws in me

False flaws that destroyed me

Created to only drain what was once full

For me to be like you​

‪4 AM talks with your heart. That when the earth feels still. That is when you start to heal. In moments where you are centered. In moments that are still. When the only voice your heart hears is yours.‬

Collect your things and leave.

Do not turn back.

I will not grieve.

I believe that our time has come to an end.

For once I choose me.

Do you comprehend?

Go haunt someone else.

I promise you won’t miss me.