Hi! You can call me Ephemerys or Ephie. This blog is entirely Obey Me focused, but if you'd like to see my writing for other fandoms, my AO3 is archiveofourown.org/users/Svtaayi . My masterlist is sorted by character, or you can peruse everything with #ephie writes. I will reblog NSFW content so please be aware of that before following. Asks and drabble requests are both open! Icon by @jeweloftheheavens
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Mammon stared at the little electronic safe on the living room table. It was sleek and black and had a digital display. It was roughly the size of a textbook, with a small keyboard taking up the thinnest side. A single word blinked across the display, as if to mock Mammon.
Password?
He grabbed the device with one hand and thrust it at Leviathan.
"Alright, Levi. Work your hacker magic and let's get Goldie outta this thing!"
Leviathan snorted. "Yeah, no. Lucifer'll have my head on a stick if I do that. Also, I don't know how."
With a disappointed "hmmph," Mammon turned the safe over in his hands. He knew Lucifer better than anybody. He was sure he could crack the code.
"I bet it's my birthday," he decided.
Asmodeus began to laugh. "Oh, please. As if Lucifer would use your birthday as the password."
Mammon ignored his younger brother and tried his own birthday. That failed.
"Try mine, he probably used that," Asmodeus suggested.
Mammon rolled his eyes and began inputting random words he associated with Lucifer. Monster, sadist, Pridy McPrideface. All failed, resulting in a high-pitched buzz of disappointment.
"Try 'password,'" Beelzebub suggested.
"Hah?"
"No way."
"Lucifer's not that stupid."
Mammon tried Cerberus to further disappointment.
"Lucifer knows that we know he's too smart to choose that. So he might have kept the password as the default, thinking we'd never try it," Beelzebub explained.
"That... is actually pretty clever," Leviathan admitted.
"Mammon, try it! Before you run out of tries and get locked out forever," Asmodeus encouraged.
"Gahh, fine! But I'm tellin' ya, it's not..."
Before he could finish his sentence, Mammon input password and a little green light flashed. The safe door swung open with a click.
(I hope this hasn't been done too much already, but I really wanted to do it)
So, if you've been in the same internet circle as I've been in, you probably know about this trend that's going around right now where people ask their partner to peel an orange for them.
It's supposed to kind of signify your partner's willingness to do something important to you, even if it seems mundane or even inconvenient for them.
So of course, I wanted to imagine what our favorite boys would do in this scenario.
Note: This is just for silly goofy times. A little ha-ha funny jape, if you will. Meaning not serious. If I think a character would not peel an orange, I don't think they're suddenly toxic or would not love the MC or anything.
"Could you peel an orange for me?"
Lucifer
To those of you who say he is too prideful to peel an orange for you, do I need to point out that he is the eldest sibling? Not only that, but he's practically a single mom. He has Sloth as the baby brother of the family. Do you think Belphie peels his own oranges? No! Lucifer probably cuts the crusts off of his brother's sandwiches for heaven sakes.
Is it heaven sakes or heaven's sake?... I actually don't know
However, I do think he would get suspicious, especially if you're trying to film his reaction. He would raise an eyebrow and know that there's something more to you just wanting an orange. Is this orange cursed? Is this a prank? You'll have to convince him it's perfectly normal before he straight up refuses.
Is he going to get up from his desk or move away from work to go grab you an orange? Probably not. But if you bring it to him, he will peel it for you, giving you a weird- and maybe slightly judging- look the entire time.
He will peel it very nicely, but you would have to take the peel back to toss yourself all while demanding to know why you have such a smirk on your face.
If you explain it to him, he'll definitely get a bit smug. "Who knew all it would take to prove my love to you was peeling an orange? If you needed some assurance, I would've gladly provided more for you."
He wins this one. He peeled the orange.
But...he might be asking his own favor from you later. So, minus one point for that, but they do say the devil dances in dealings, so...
7/10
Mammon
"Huh? Why do you need me to peel it for you, your hands broken or somethin'? I'm not your damn maid."
He is already peeling the orange. He is somehow managing to grumble and act like he's not doing it while he is in the process of doing it.
And if you don't have oranges on hand? Just give him any excuse to go shopping and he will take it. And not only will he peel those oranges, he'll buy them for you too.
And sure maybe he's a little ditsy and might not know what the difference between an orange, a tangerine, and a clementine is (they're all orange, dammit), but he will be buying you ALL of them just in case.
Listen, he's a man with impulse problems and an intense desire to be your number one demon.
Did he probably spend the next few hours in the store getting himself stuff as well? Probably, yeah. He see shiny, he get shiny.
But don't worry. He will peel you that orange.
And you will be eating an assortment of orange colored fruits for the next few days.
Is...this a peach?
9/10
Levi
If he's gaming, probably not. Some games can't be paused. And it's not even that he doesn't want to, he'll probably be glad to do so, but he'll do it once this round is over.
And then he'll probably forget. Which, fair, I do it too. You get into the zone and then six hours have passed. Sometimes the measure of love can't always be held behind an orange.
However!
If a controller is not in his hand and his mind is not occupied by several random colorful flashes, he might peel the orange.
BUT
If too many other people are around, he might get anxiety.
You know when you somehow manage to fumble peeling an orange? You can't manage to break the peel properly or you end up dropping it and looking like a fool?
If you've never had performance anxiety over peeling an orange, you... well that's actually really good, you must have a much more peaceful mind-- but it exists for us anxious people, okay?! It's too much pressure!
In the end, he's very situational! But that doesn't mean he refuses to peel you an orange! It would actually make him very happy to do that for you...
5/10
Satan
Very confused. Will ask too many questions before he does anything.
Are you hurt? Is the peel too tough for human fingers? If you're having a hard time using your fingers, why not get a knife or a tool to assist you? Why are you in his room rather than the kitchen? Is that not a waste of energy? What if he'd not been here, would you have wandered around?
He doesn't get it. He means well though.
He might get a little irritated, not so much at you as at himself. He feels like he's missing something.
Is this some form of human bonding? Are you afraid of the orange? What secrets does it hold?
He will peel it for you. He'll even put his book down to do so.
But please answer his questions, he can't find the logic in seeking him out just to peel a fruit for you. He can list off several other more efficient methods.
If you explain it to him, you'll see him visibly relax. So there was some deeper meaning.
Although now he might think that this form of act is some sort of love declaration. Prepare to have him peel and/or cut all your fruits from now on. Which... is actually kind of sweet. What a gentleman.
8/10
Asmo
No... with his nails?! Please. I've only worn fake nails like twice in my entire life, and doing anything like that with those little suckers hurts like hell. Why?? Tried to open a can once and thought my real nail would peel right off.
And even if he's not wearing fake nails, getting that pulpy orange peel underneath your fingernails?! Having the juice make your fingers all sticky? No. Awful. Bad texture. I've always headcanoned Asmo with texture issues, and if his are even close to being like mine, it's gonna be a no.
BUT
If you want an orange so badly, I can guarantee he knows all these cute little places around town that make delicious fruit selections! He'd probably go out and get you one of those beautiful and decorative edible fruit arrangements and make sure they somehow include lots of orange.
Or, if you don't want that and you just want a normal orange right NOW, he'll charm someone else to peel it for you, hon. Don't even worry.
And once it's peeled, to make up for not doing it himself, he'll be all to happy to feed it to you if you want him to. ~
Never underestimate the lengths he'll go to provide for you and himself at the same time.
6.5/10 I appreciate the hustle.
Beel
I... I mean... he's gonna eat it.
Love the man to death, but if you hand him an orange before you fully preface that it's yours and you just want it peeled, it's gone. He probably didn't even peel it before he ate it too. Probably just eats it like an apple.
But, but, but, he'll get you a new one. So please don't look so sad...
It might be best if you accompany him just in case, but he'll absolutely get you another one. Besides, he wants more himself now, that first one was delicious.
He'll gather a whole basket of oranges and you can share them together.
One slice for you...five for him. Another slice for you...
It make take a minute to get a full orange's worth, but it's about the attempt and the time spent. And he's technically actually peeling SO many oranges for you.
I'd also like to point out that I have actually written out a scene in one of my stories where Beel actually EXACTLY peels an orange FOR MC. WAY before this trend was a thing.
--Eventually he came across an orange, peeling off the wax shell meant to serve as extra preservation. Citrus flooded your nose. Your mouth actually watered at the scent, watching Beel strip the fruit before peeling it apart. A sniff, and then it was actually handed to you.
So he would! 100 times over! Even in my silly little side story where everyone is nearly on the brink of death and in a freezing wasteland, he would still peel an orange for you!
10/10 Minus one point for eating your orange first, plus one point for peeling you an orange in another universe.
Belphie
Y...yeah, no. No, he won't.
Or there's at least a very slim chance he will. He does get in weird moods sometimes where he wants to pamper you, but that's on his own terms and his own time.
He doesn't even peel his own oranges, as I previously stated in Lucifer's section.
If you just waltz up to him and ask him to peel it for you...there's a 95% chance he will not. Most of it being due to him being asleep. You would probably have a better chance trying to train him to peel an orange while sleepwalking. That might work. Would also probably make a good party trick.
But, he's weird at remembering details like this. Even if he doesn't act on it right now, it will be logged in his memory. You could mention something briefly once seven months ago and he'll bring it up to you and remember the conversation completely like it happened yesterday.
So, even if he doesn't peel the orange now, when he's in the mood, maybe after his nap, maybe the next day, maybe two weeks after in which you had forgotten it, he will bring you a peeled orange.
Either that or he'll do what Asmo does and make someone else peel it for you.
3/10
Diavolo
You want him to peel your orange for you? You mean... he gets to treat someone like that for once?! ABSOLUTELY.
He is all too happy to peel you an orange! This is like, groundbreaking for him. He gets to provide! Gets to hand you a tiny fruit, broken and prepared with his own two hands! Is this how Barbatos feels when he cooks?
How does one exactly peel an orange, though?... He's seen them whole like this before, but they're typically already in strips when he gets around to eating them.
Break the skin? What, like an egg?
Well...there goes your orange.
On the bright side, it seems he's very good at making orange juice.
But fear not! He'll have Barbatos bring another one!
Wait...look, see, they come pre-peeled. Oh...you mean Barbatos has been peeling all his fruits for him this entire time? He's never known the joyful luxury of unveiling and working for the literal fruits of his labor?! This will change today.
Get another orange, unpeeled, and he will do it himself this time!
It might take some personal discovery and some patience before he peels you an orange, but it will get done, he swears it!
11/10 Plus one point for wholesome life lessons and sheer determination.
Barbatos
An orange? Just a plain orange? If you wait just a moment, he could have an orange chiffon cake, or would you perhaps prefer some orange panna cotta? Orange Merengue pie? Pound cake? Made into a buttercream? A pudding? A sorbet? A sherbet? Served as a juice? Main flavor or just as a zest? Would you like a meal before dessert? Or he could always find healthier options for oranges? Would you like him to list of those options as well?
Okay, so... he overcorrects a little bit.
Bottom line is, he'd peel you an orange. He'd make an entire seven course meal based around oranges. Make it all the color orange if you'd prefer.
Like I said though, he tends to overdo it.
He falls into his royal butlery habits and misses the fact that this is supposed to be so important to you because it's so simple. Although it's cute the way an ever powerful ever perfect being can miss such a detail.
You might have to put your foot down a bit and not let yourself get carried away in the splendor. You just want this orange. This one orange, and if he could just peel it for you, that's all you want.
So he'll take his gloves off and peel it for you. He'll make sure all the extra little white strands are plucked off as well. And he double checks it for seeds.
Are you sure this is all you want? "I guess something so simple can often be taken for granted. I forget that sometimes."
12/10 He'll probably still end up making you several other orange treats and he learned a valuable lesson today. It's a win for everyone.
Simeon
Are you kidding me?
This man probably brought the orange with him. You probably didn't even need to bring it up! He's single dad with two one kid and a sorcerer. He's like that sweet mom who always has certain things on hand. Medicine? Bandages? Spare cash? Candy? Gum? He's got it. He puts the Guardian in guardian angel.
You want that orange? He'll peel that orange, you just hold on. Let's make sure your hands are clean. Use this hand sanitizer he brought with him. Here, have a granola bar while you're at it. Are you hungry? You didn't skip lunch, did you? Here, take this water bottle, you look a bit dehydrated.
Oh dear, and your hands feel so dry! Here, he brought some lotion.
This angel is 100% fully here for you. You are about to be so taken care of.
Not even oranges. You want your apples fully peeled and sliced? Got it. Want something pitted? He can do that too. He'd be willing to stain his fingers and clothes on a pomegranate for you. How is he doing this even outside of the house? Magic or something probably.
He'd pack you an orange in a cute little bag with a hand written note and a short poem.
This man is a real one.
100/10 He definitely thinks that LOL means lots of love.
Solomon
Are...you sure you know what you're doing? He will absolutely peel you an orange, but at what cost?
If you're not careful, not only will he peel you an orange, but he'll add some of his Special Solomon Spices to make your experience all the more... thrilling.
Quite like how thrilling bungee jumping in the dark could be...
Also, he might just try to peel it with magic, which, while nice of him, defeats the purpose of the entire test.
You'll have to specify he's to do it by hand, and keep an unblinking, ever-careful eye on him to make sure he doesn't 'enhance' the flavor.
But, all in all, he does it. Quite happily too, one might add.
Are you sure you just want an orange? He'd be glad to whip something up for you if you're feeling peckish!
You kind of... tempt fate with this one.
2/10 One point for wanting to peel the orange, one point for trying to go the extra mile. But... well... Will you survive is the thing? You might want to try to measure his love for you using different non-edible methods.
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fav thing about obey me is that the characters love you regardless of whether you romance them or not. like you are special to them always.
lucifer still lets you chill in his office and listen to classical records with him while he does paperwork. he still makes smug ass comments that will end up with you cursing him out and him laughing about it. he still makes sure that youβre keeping up with everything well enough, that itβs not overwhelming you. he still confides in you about his fears and worries about himself and his brothers. he still looks out for you and checks in your make sure youβre doing alright in RAD.
mammon is still your dumbass best friend who takes you out the casino because he swears youβre the luckiest person heβs ever met. he still whines and complains about stupid shit to you like getting scammed or getting in trouble for another one of his schemes. he still holes up for movie nights in your room every night thereβs no work to be done the next day. he still holds pride in the fact that he was the first demon to see how amazing you are and make a pact about it. (donβt bring up how that pact came to be for your own sake. he still sulks like a madman!!)
leviathan still watches shows and plays games with you. he still farms on your accounts for you so you can pull for that one character you really like. he still stays holed up in his room with you counting the clock to midnight, preparing for the next merch drop with plans to clear out the whole shop. he still trusts you with his insecurities and vulnerabilities, enough to be sincere and genuine in his excitement when talking to you. he still opens up to you because you will always be his Henry no matter what.
satan still takes you to cat cafes and holds a two person book club with you. he still helps you study when you need it and even when you donβt. he still barges into your room to bitch about his latest annoyance. he still trusts you with the parts of himself that he still isnβt sure is really him or maybe a remnant of his brother left inside him by mistake. still makes sure not to let anyone disrespect you in class, because if they do they only have three seconds to run.
asmodeus still drags you to his self care nights. slathers a face mask on you and shares the latest gossip and drama. still buys you pretty things that he thought would look nice on you, or reminded him of you. he still makes sure no oneβs talking behind your back, makes sure that youβre doing okay. heβs still comfortable enough to vegetate with you, and let down all pretenses and masks; you are always going to be someone he is comfortable baring himself to. heβll still freak out with you over stupid shit youβre excited about and heβll still make sure youβre always good with yourself, kind to yourself.
beelzebub still takes you out to eat and clear out buffets with him weekly. he still invites you to his matches personally. he still gets excited when he sees you show up even though youβve been attending his games consistently for years now. he still tells you about his brothers and hisβ time in the celestial realm. heβll still tell you about his sister and love you enough to feel comfortable to grieve in front of you. he still makes sure youβre always eating enoughβheβs gotta make sure youβre taking care of yourself, yknow? he also still eats your leftovers even when you explicitly tell him not too. sorry. :(
belphegor still takes you to the planetarium when things are getting too much. he takes your nightmares away. makes sure you sleep well. he still drags you down for a nap whenever he feels like it. he still tells you about how he misses his sister, about how he misses his brothers sometimes even though theyβre still here, just different. he still trusts you enough to admit that sometimes, he misses himself, and who he was before all this. and then after all that, he still flicks you on the nose and calls you annoying because before he is an avatar of sin he is the spoiled baby of the family, and he knows youβll always be there to snark right back.
sorry it just. moves me. like you truly do become a part of these seven guysβ found family no matter what. even if you reject every single possible romance option they will still love you and protect you and look out for you and snap at you and annoy you and not even be sorry about it. because you are special to them!!! you will always be someone important to them!!!!
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lucifer's immovable wall of "i am happy with where I am in this relationship and how it is and I dont want to change it because I am comfortable and if he wants to change it then we cant be together" versus asahi's unstoppable force of "i am uncomfortable and I will change this relationship into something that is for me and i wont let him stop me". neither of them will ever be comfortable together and will never be 100% happy. lucifer "I am heartless I dont love you but I still care about you" vs asahi "you can change you can change you can change. I should know because I did for you i tolerate sex now". lucifer who is aromantic but knows the type of relationship he wants, despite not being able to give what asahi wants, and keeps it that way, versus asahi who is asexual and hates that and well if hes a bit miserable in this relationship its only fair to make lucifer miserable too and call him his boyfriend without consent. does anyone hear me? does anyone see my vision? I need to kill the both of them
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