εφεμερος

There’s something about this girl that people around her can feel. There’s something about her that’s going to broaden the story. And she is the last man standing, as it were.

save a horse ride a cowboy by big & rich bc emmett tried to climb up onto jaspers shoulders & when jasper threw him off the impact of emmett’s body hitting the ground broke the floor

piano man by billy joel bc every single one of them has said to edward “play us a song you’re the piano man” too many times

dynamite by taio cruz it just goes too fucking hard

we’re all in this together from high school musical one time the whole fam tried to learn the choreography & ended up in an argument over who got to be sharpay

blow by kesha alice and emmett went so fuckin hard when dancing to the song that they literally broke the whole living room

beyoncé’s entire lemonade album they listened to the first four songs and were so angry that they had throw rocks in the woods

bad romance by lady gaga emmett wouldn’t stop saying the “rah rah” line for months

the hamilton soundtrack carlisle met alexander hamilton once and can’t stand listening to three hours about his arrogance. also? alice wouldn’t stop trying to rap “guns & ships”

hit me baby one more time again. goes to hard

lovegame by lady gaga emmett kept saying “discostick”

look what you made me do by taylor swift “because she’s dead!” vampire jokes

swish swish by katy perry it’s just a bad song

all star by smash mouth because “someBODY” was always followed by someone getting thrown through a wall

don’t stop me now by queen because Emmett would sing it at the top of his lungs whenever anyone tried to stop him from doing The Thing™️ he was currently set on doing

uptown funk by bruno mars because when it first came out Alice played it on repeat for a month straight

cowboy casanova by carrie underwood because everyone would sing the chorus when Jasper would enter the room

Rosalie hates it, Jasper sucks (or can’t keep a straight face) so he takes any excuse to avoid Bella, Carlisle doesn’t like pretending to hurt people so he decides his new persona has miraculous control, Alice and Emmett are LIVING this lie

Jacob is also werewolf kin

Aro is Edwards weird theater uncle who fuckin jumped at the chance to do a shitty accent

The volturi is his theater buddies. They’re doing king Lear in two months you should go see it

Rosalie hates it on principle but in reality she’s filming the whole thing and is definitely gonna put it on YouTube

Jaspers backstory is Like That because he wanted to see how far he could go before Bella got suspicious.

Jasper: I was uhhhhhh *throws dart* confederate soldier who got turned by uhhhhhhhh *throws another dart* a vampire lady who wanted to uh *thunk* use me to uhhhhhh *thunk* take over ummmmm *thunk* Mexico.

The only reason they’re not edgy human eating vampires is bc Rosalie threatened to tell Bella

Listen she may be pretending to be a vampire but she REFUSES to be an evil vampire

Emmett is having so much fun.

Oh Edward can my backstory be I was mauled by a bear?

What

It’s cool! It’s like that one movie with the guy and the trees!

Edward talks Like That because “if I was born in like 1901 then I gotta sound like an intellektual right”

The real reason Edward is pretending to be a vampire is bc he was high as shit when Bella asked and he said yeah for the lols but he’s too awkward to say “sorry I’m not a vampire I was just high and thought it was funny. So sorry.”