i breed head lice

guys. i really like you. it's nice to be on this dashboard together

living under a rock is so fun i love watching a movie that’s been famous for decades and being like wow this is so good.. did you guys know about this

I can’t sleep, I have to torture myself psychologically

girl with ptsd voice: hey, so something really bad is gonna happen, right? you guys are picking up on that too, yeah? The other shoe is about to drop, I just know it.

waiter can i have another menu now i finished reading this one

richard nixon is q*eer because he did watergate, subverting the societal expectation we all had for him to not do watergate

tumblr is about tricking smart and funny and talented people into following me

why do cherries have to be sexual & strawberries get to be all innocent. why are we slut shaming fruit. what is the sexual valence of a blueberry

I’m such a “yay <3” person like unironically a hip hip hooray type of personality

my penis got a parking ticket the other day.

i have a photophobic memory. i get sunburn when i remember things