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it all felt too much for you.

you had read his text about seven times now. and each time you read it, a different emotion evoked from you.

your thumb hovered over the keyboard many times, yet the words never flew out. you didn't know what to say or what to do.

so you threw your phone into your pocket and ran. ran for fresh air and an escape.

and you found yourself in a familiar place, one that you would always come with jake after school to play around while he called you the 'only one' for him.

you almost laugh at how ironic it was, finding yourself in the same playground now alone and in pain from the same boy who promised you would stay in his life forever two years ago.

sitting down at the end of the slide with your knees to your chest, you begin to breathe. the cold air being the only source of comfort for you. you needed to think, to figure out what you wanted to do and what you needed to do.

your thoughts contained everything and nothing all at once. it was simply chaos in your mind and you were trying to find some sort of solace.

“i thought i almost lost you,” you froze, your thoughts being ripped away from you as you heard a familiar voice emerge from the back of the playground.

“baby,” another voice you knew very well rose. “you have me now. you’re not going to lose me, ri.”

kaori and jake were on the other side of the playground, oblivious to the fact that you could hear every single word that pierced your heart with ease.

“i haven’t kissed y/n in two months.” kaori looks over at jake with wide eyes as he admits his feelings truthfully. “i still don’t know what i feel for her, but i just can’t seem to be attracted to her.”

your skin had already gone numb despite the cold biting you. you sat there frozen at the end of the slide, the tears already pouring out of your eyes before you knew it.

“but you’re still with her,” kaori says softly, but worry seeps through her voice.

“i know. i’m going to sound like a fucking jerk for this, but she’s always been there,” jake sighs. “she’s just… always been there. it’s easier than breaking up. she’s always been easy.”

easy.

you were easy.

that felt like a slap to the face.

that’s all you were to him. while you adored him with your whole heart, he didn’t even let you into his. you were easy for him, easy to settle and lean back on, easy to ignore, easy to hurt.

“she really loved you, you know?”

“i know.” jake looks away and to the back of the slide. “that’s the problem.”

and then you realised.

that was the problem.

your love was the problem, your love was what made your heart shatter into pieces.

you just stayed there, replaying each and every one of his words like they were the ultimate truth. the tone in his voice echoed endlessly in your mind. and you stayed there, rewinding the moment that hurt you the most on that slide long after kaori and jake left, probably hand in hand, unaware of the complete heartbreak they caused.

minutes had passed. ten or twenty. you weren’t sure, losing track of time.

your eyes were puffy enough for anyone to notice you had been crying for a while. still having your knees to your chest, you haven’t moved a bit; your limbs now numb to the pain and everything.

that’s when you heard footsteps.

it was gentle enough for you to slowly look up, “y/n?”

your heart stopped.

it wasn’t jake.

nor was it kaori.

it was heeseung.

there he was, worry splashed all over his face. you realise he probably found your location when you shared it with him once and never bothered to turn it off. he crouches down to meet your level as he lets out a sigh of relief.

“why weren’t you picking up your phone?” he asked softly, tilting his head.

his hands quickly took off the scarf wrapped around his neck as it found its new place around you. the fabric was still warm from his body heat as it faintly smelled of his cologne, the one you'd grown used to.

“i’m sorry,” you apologise, looking down. “it was too much.”

heeseung didn’t wonder why. he never pushed. with him, he never would. instead he reached out, his hands cupping your face softly. “you’ve been crying, pretty.”

“he said something?” and he swears he hears his heart crack when you nod slowly.

“he said… he said i was easy. and that he wasn’t attracted to me.” you shakily let out. “he hasn’t kissed me in months, hee. gosh, i’m so—so fucking stupid.”

your words only tumbled out like broken shards that had been stuck inside your throat and you tried your hardest not to cry in front of him again.

heeseung’s jaw tightened; he wondered how jake could let such a pretty girl like this slip away from his fingers.

“y/n…”

“he doesn’t want me anymore. he never will.” you sniff, your eyes red and teary again. “i was just convenient for him. i’m just convenient to anyone.”

you pulled your knees further into your chest, your chin hiding under his scarf. he let you speak every word without interrupting even though he wished he could pull you into his arms and tell you again and again that nothing you said was true. not to him, at least.

heeseung only tucked in a loose strand behind your ear and admired the beauty he had in front of him. his heart was only pushing him to kiss away your tears and tell you that he would never crush your heart like jake did.

“i’m… i’m hard to love, aren’t i?” you whispered, finally meeting his eyes, and heeseung wanted to immediately shake his head. “that’s the truth. i don’t deserve the effort.”

he was quiet.

before he finally spoke his mind.

“what on earth are you saying?”

you bit your lip, your tears sliding down your cheeks anyway. “i’m not lying, hee. it’s true.”

“then why am i here?”

your eyes slightly widened as you finally read his eyes. he was so close to you, you could feel his cold breath on you.

“i’ve been here the whole time.” his voice cracked too. “i’ve seen you cry over him countless times. the first time i saw you, you were sad because of him. and every time i see that look in your eyes… i just want to shake you and hold you at the same time.”

“heeseung—”

“i’m not him, y/n. i’ll never be him. it’s terrible timing. i know. but i can’t keep pretending that my heart doesn’t stop every time you smile at me.”

your lips parted yet no sound came out.

and he did what he always wanted to do.

he did what you were hoping for him to do.

heeseung kissed you. he held you like you were precious to him, he held a broken, fragile piece that he wouldn’t dare dream of breaking. you held him close, your lips moulding into his perfectly as your hands fisted into his jacket.

your tears stained his cheeks but he didn’t care. all he wanted to do was to hold you close to him.

it was soft, impossibly soft.

it felt slow, gentle, and patient.

nothing like how impatiently jake used to kiss you. if you could even remember how he did.

you didn’t know what you were doing, if you were being honest. the pain subsided into the kiss and your heart was at a crossroads, not knowing where to go.

but you let yourself feel wanted.

and when he finally pulled back, you both breathed into each other.

his eyes were still closed, embracing the moment, and without thinking twice he pulled you into his arms, keeping you closer than jake ever would.

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it all felt too much for you.

you had read his text about seven times now. and each time you read it, a different emotion evoked from you.

your thumb hovered over the keyboard many times, yet the words never flew out. you didn't know what to say or what to do.

so you threw your phone into your pocket and ran. ran for fresh air and an escape.

and you found yourself in a familiar place, one that you would always come with jake after school to play around while he called you the 'only one' for him.

you almost laugh at how ironic it was, finding yourself in the same playground now alone and in pain from the same boy who promised you would stay in his life forever two years ago.

sitting down at the end of the slide with your knees to your chest, you begin to breathe. the cold air being the only source of comfort for you. you needed to think, to figure out what you wanted to do and what you needed to do.

your thoughts contained everything and nothing all at once. it was simply chaos in your mind and you were trying to find some sort of solace.

“i thought i almost lost you,” you froze, your thoughts being ripped away from you as you heard a familiar voice emerge from the back of the playground.

“baby,” another voice you knew very well rose. “you have me now. you’re not going to lose me, ri.”

kaori and jake were on the other side of the playground, oblivious to the fact that you could hear every single word that pierced your heart with ease.

“i haven’t kissed y/n in two months.” kaori looks over at jake with wide eyes as he admits his feelings truthfully. “i still don’t know what i feel for her, but i just can’t seem to be attracted to her.”

your skin had already gone numb despite the cold biting you. you sat there frozen at the end of the slide, the tears already pouring out of your eyes before you knew it.

“but you’re still with her,” kaori says softly, but worry seeps through her voice.

“i know. i’m going to sound like a fucking jerk for this, but she’s always been there,” jake sighs. “she’s just… always been there. it’s easier than breaking up. she’s always been easy.”

easy.

you were easy.

that felt like a slap to the face.

that’s all you were to him. while you adored him with your whole heart, he didn’t even let you into his. you were easy for him, easy to settle and lean back on, easy to ignore, easy to hurt.

“she really loved you, you know?”

“i know.” jake looks away and to the back of the slide. “that’s the problem.”

and then you realised.

that was the problem.

your love was the problem, your love was what made your heart shatter into pieces.

you just stayed there, replaying each and every one of his words like they were the ultimate truth. the tone in his voice echoed endlessly in your mind. and you stayed there, rewinding the moment that hurt you the most on that slide long after kaori and jake left, probably hand in hand, unaware of the complete heartbreak they caused.

minutes had passed. ten or twenty. you weren’t sure, losing track of time.

your eyes were puffy enough for anyone to notice you had been crying for a while. still having your knees to your chest, you haven’t moved a bit; your limbs now numb to the pain and everything.

that’s when you heard footsteps.

it was gentle enough for you to slowly look up, “y/n?”

your heart stopped.

it wasn’t jake.

nor was it kaori.

it was heeseung.

there he was, worry splashed all over his face. you realise he probably found your location when you shared it with him once and never bothered to turn it off. he crouches down to meet your level as he lets out a sigh of relief.

“why weren’t you picking up your phone?” he asked softly, tilting his head.

his hands quickly took off the scarf wrapped around his neck as it found its new place around you. the fabric was still warm from his body heat as it faintly smelled of his cologne, the one you'd grown used to.

“i’m sorry,” you apologise, looking down. “it was too much.”

heeseung didn’t wonder why. he never pushed. with him, he never would. instead he reached out, his hands cupping your face softly. “you’ve been crying, pretty.”

“he said something?” and he swears he hears his heart crack when you nod slowly.

“he said… he said i was easy. and that he wasn’t attracted to me.” you shakily let out. “he hasn’t kissed me in months, hee. gosh, i’m so—so fucking stupid.”

your words only tumbled out like broken shards that had been stuck inside your throat and you tried your hardest not to cry in front of him again.

heeseung’s jaw tightened; he wondered how jake could let such a pretty girl like this slip away from his fingers.

“y/n…”

“he doesn’t want me anymore. he never will.” you sniff, your eyes red and teary again. “i was just convenient for him. i’m just convenient to anyone.”

you pulled your knees further into your chest, your chin hiding under his scarf. he let you speak every word without interrupting even though he wished he could pull you into his arms and tell you again and again that nothing you said was true. not to him, at least.

heeseung only tucked in a loose strand behind your ear and admired the beauty he had in front of him. his heart was only pushing him to kiss away your tears and tell you that he would never crush your heart like jake did.

“i’m… i’m hard to love, aren’t i?” you whispered, finally meeting his eyes, and heeseung wanted to immediately shake his head. “that’s the truth. i don’t deserve the effort.”

he was quiet.

before he finally spoke his mind.

“what on earth are you saying?”

you bit your lip, your tears sliding down your cheeks anyway. “i’m not lying, hee. it’s true.”

“then why am i here?”

your eyes slightly widened as you finally read his eyes. he was so close to you, you could feel his cold breath on you.

“i’ve been here the whole time.” his voice cracked too. “i’ve seen you cry over him countless times. the first time i saw you, you were sad because of him. and every time i see that look in your eyes… i just want to shake you and hold you at the same time.”

“heeseung—”

“i’m not him, y/n. i’ll never be him. it’s terrible timing. i know. but i can’t keep pretending that my heart doesn’t stop every time you smile at me.”

your lips parted yet no sound came out.

and he did what he always wanted to do.

he did what you were hoping for him to do.

heeseung kissed you. he held you like you were precious to him, he held a broken, fragile piece that he wouldn’t dare dream of breaking. you held him close, your lips moulding into his perfectly as your hands fisted into his jacket.

your tears stained his cheeks but he didn’t care. all he wanted to do was to hold you close to him.

it was soft, impossibly soft.

it felt slow, gentle, and patient.

nothing like how impatiently jake used to kiss you. if you could even remember how he did.

you didn’t know what you were doing, if you were being honest. the pain subsided into the kiss and your heart was at a crossroads, not knowing where to go.

but you let yourself feel wanted.

and when he finally pulled back, you both breathed into each other.

his eyes were still closed, embracing the moment, and without thinking twice he pulled you into his arms, keeping you closer than jake ever would.

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