met·a·noi·a (n.) a transformative change of heart

I’m not really sure what to call this besides a condensed poem. After reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert I was inspired to write as soon as this entered my mind. I don’t regret it. By the way, I sincerely recommend that book.

I'm wrapped up in you tight

I see in your eyes that you are mine

You're consistent and treat me right

Got my head spinning as we intertwine

What I want to say to you

Words get in the way

You've got things on your mind, too

Don't speak. I know what you want to say.

-

Tears swell in your eyes

Let. Them. Fall.

Trickle down to where your heart lies

Love will grow and break down your wall

Let go, I am the light after your soul eclipse

I'm here always, so don't be afraid

Feel the press of my lips

Know that I won't ever fade

-

I shed every layer and lay

You stimulate my mind and explore my being

I'm fighting to keep the feeling at bay

But you touch me with so much meaning

It feels like you've reached my spirit

This is the pinnacle

To you, I submit

You fill me full

I envy Your world.

Not the bad murky swamp green kind of envy...

More like the watered down sea foam green kind of envy:

Light and gentle.

It compels the intellect to believe.

To believe that life isn't a black hole,

But a gateway of light that affords beauty which transcends the senses and is seen with the soul.

This is the type of envy Your world evokes.

Your world intersects all those around You

Redefining the word muse.

Your creative perception is divergent, yet padded with familiarity.

A kindred spirit often laden with the intensity of introspection.

Your self awareness...

It bursts at Your seams

Piercing the atmosphere that isolates Us from The Universe.

In turn, She smiled on You and repurposed You to be Her reflection.

I ask myself

How did I let this begin?

Will it keep burning me?

Like all those in Hades for eternity

For all of the sin

Recorded in the books on the shelf?

-

Mounted on that pedestal, high and mighty

Casting scorn and shame upon my back

Laying it in deep

Like Massa to those in his keep

Constantly reminding me of all that I lack

Telling me what I am not and will never be

-

I am aching for a hint of approval

To brighten your voice

But I am met with a blank stare

Please share with me that vision that renders your mind bare

The vision that renders me weak and without choice

That which makes your mind dull

-

Spare me the anguish

Demolish the facade that possesses your person

Extrication

Rehabilitation

Free your spirit and let it rise with Dawn's sun

Flourish

Had me thinking I maybe love too hard

But you care too free

You crossed my guard

Then left me here to be

Like so many times before

Still, I'd let you in

Even as my heart ached, so sore

Again and again

Granting your requests for admittance

Now there's no looking back

I would see a girl so dense

Trying to compensate for what you lack

But I no longer need nor want you

I craved substitution

Know that I gave in, too

Retribution.

It was the worst thing seeing you cry today. See, it was the first time I had ever seen you cry, and it was because of me.

Looking across endless fields of nothingness

Into the crimson horizon

Yearning something ambiguous to all

Inscrutable even to the pursuer

-

Not yet unveiled

Sends out diversions prior

Strewn about the periwinkle lot

Gleaning all that the stars own

-

Anticipating knowledge to be rendered

Cursing the parade of precursors

Lingering so

Still, resignation is not submitted

-

Emerges vague and undefined

Leisurely edging into perception

Manipulating the mind

Dealing enigma

-

Resolute

Determination morphs into fixation

Consciousness wanes, darkness begins to devour

Leaving the spectator purposely unfulfilled

It swims at the pit of your stomach

Disrupting your peace

Pulling on a rope that rings a bell in your head

It echoes and it’s all you can hear

You attempt to drown the monster

But instead, it is amused

Laughing as it claws at your stomach

Relentlessly ringing the bell

To let you never forget

A constant reminder of what could have been

Other beasts will join the ferocious one

When you do something you wish you hadn’t

They’ll tie themselves to the rope

And they’ll swim marathons through acid

But they won’t stay long

For the power of knowledge forces them out

And the ferocious one remains

Thriving in lost opportunities

Watered by uncertainty and fed with desire

Surviving on the wish for something better

You beg for closure and the monster smiles

For it has found a home in you

And it won’t be leaving soon

Sometimes mistakes are good 😌

I’m a beginner with painting, so it’s been frustratingly difficult to get my visions out on the canvas. This still isn’t exactly what I imagined, but I’m in love. The first two pictures are a before; I was so satisfied with it. I sprinkled some salt after some advice from my brother and some YouTube videos, and it didn’t turn out right. So I (vigorously) brushed off all the salt and painted over it. I envisioned a vivid background for my painting, and these bright colors are exactly what I had in mind! I thought the top was great...but now that I did a do-over, I am MUCH more happy ☺️

Making mistakes is the best way to learn. I’ve been having so much damn fun with this!!

A candle burns

The lights are low

I’m dreaming of

Delightful snow

A present wrapped

A Christmas song

The day arrives

In not too long

Come eighteen days

We’ll gather round

And laugh again

A happy sound

We’ll exchange gifts

We’ll give out hugs

Drink cocoa from

Our favorite mugs

And even though

They can’t stay long

My heart will sing

A happy song

To celebrate

The blessing of

A Christmas with

The ones I love

-Lindsey

O Lord, please make me stronger

I can't take this any longer

Give me the strength to endure that which comes with my existence

Please help me make sense...

Make sense of why this is happening to me

How can it possibly be?

All I do is try to abide by You

Tell me what to do

Look upon Your beloved child

All that surrounds me is wild

Give me hope in this time that faith is shallow

If you lead, I am sure to follow

Talk to me and give me an answer

How do I stare into the merciless face of cancer

-- Drina

Sleep Paralysis