On Duty

The Final Run of Ladder 118

The Q word: That word which is never allowed to be said out loud while on call, lest the day turn into total chaos. Often uttered by bored medical students who are jockeying for gore and adrenaline, the Q word is practically a church bell summoning patients to convene upon the poor, overworked, defenseless intern.

That word, rhyming with riot, so often calls forth black clouds to rain down ICU patients, multiple victim traumas, double code blues, and brimstone upon medical teams. 

The vernacular equivalent to a black cat or broken mirror, utterance of the q word is avoided by even the most experienced physician. Many will knock on wood (or a comatose patient’s head), throw salt (or a bag of saline) over one shoulder, or rub a lucky rabbit’s foot (or specimen jar containing a gangrenous appendix) to ward off its unlucky ju-ju when the q word is mistakenly pronounced.

Considered the Unforgiveable Curse of medicine, the q word has the potential to spike the cortisol levels of every member of a medical team, over time leading to diabetes and Xanax addiction. When the q word is spoken over a person by a colleague, it is received as the vilest curse, a call-day poison in its basest form. 

Don’t you say it. Resist the temptation. Don’t do it.  

11/2014