destroy to rebuild

She's not going away. How much longer can you keep her bottled up inside? How much longer can you keep living the lie?

When you were younger, every time you dressed up, you told yourself that "this is the last time". You gathered up your small collection of girly items and purged it all!

Shortly thereafter, you came crawling back! Only this time, you acquired even more stuff than the first time. Her voice was growing louder.

You thought you could silence her by overcompensating and being the manliest man you could be. You grew a beard, started lifting weights, worked on your car, and played sports. But all you could think about was swapping that football uniform for the cute dress that you had hidden under you bed.

You thought maybe dating girls would be the key to keeping her quiet. It worked initially, but after a while, 'she' again came back, and her desires were not exactly your desires. Soon, you found yourself wanting to be her, more than being with her. You were beginning to question your sexuality, and it felt like you were being pushed further into the closet.

Next, you found yourself trying to navigate the corporate world. Often times a hostile place for any form of self-expression, let alone a gender transition. But that didn't stop 'her' from screaming louder than ever to be set free!

Weekends became your only time to let that genie out of the bottle. And every Sunday evening, it was becoming and harder to put her back in the bottle!

The years continue to tick by, and you keep telling yourself that "hopefully in the next year" you're going to transition.