I Contain Multitudes.

I think my job is gonna fire me

Crashing out about this at 10AM on a workday and then having to go thru the entire day pretending not to crash out really did a number on me. Work tomorrow too so i can’t really work thru it. The thing is there’s some legitimate reasons for me to be worried (ie hiring other people) but nothing about their behaviour towards me says anything about that and i also haven’t done anything that would put me in their bad books. I think all i can do is put in my best work and do what i can to show my usefulness especially since the work i am doing now is in the office and it is short term but i would rather stay there longterm than what i was doing before anyway so it is an opportunity to show the people there i can be useful. I’m a hard worker and i believe in doing good work even when the higher ups have shown they don’t value it even though spiritually that crushes me into a tiny little ball. I don’t get modern jobs and i don’t think i ever will, but i try really hard to be a good worker. I am hardy and i don’t give up i just don’t know how to show that to people in a way where they listen. I think they just think i show up because i’m too stupid to know what’s going on. Idk if i lose this job it will break me into a million tiny little pieces but i can’t focus on that. I can’t be unaware of the possibility but i can’t let it sit in the drivers seat. I just want to work in a place where my contribution is seen and appreciated without having to make a big deal out of it.