EmoChristopherRobin

Holding my boyfriend's hand in the park, walking our dog after enjoying a fun picnic in the shade, and having no one look at us with an ounce of malice or disgust, and to- of all things receive shy smiles from those passing by admiring the small scene of romance is such a life-defining moment.

It's hard to pinpoint the largest driving emotion or related memory:

going from always feeling a sense of fear if we dared show affection in front of the wrong eyes

to being 18 years old before gay marriage was legalized in America

To neither me or my boyfriend having prom pictures or other "small" memories of being able to express love and romance

to the power of gratitude for all of the people who fought for us to be safe to do this, including the work I myself have done.

to the memories of all the prayers of all the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and trans people who wished and hoped with tears in their eyes that one day, finally, no one is afraid to love someone.

I'll be honest, though I was afraid when we laid out the picnic blanket, just a tiny bit. I was afraid someone would say something rude or spit or worse.

But no one did.

And when we went walking around, and he grabbed my hand and held it tight, I remember all the times he would say, "I would hold your hand, but we can't do it here; I don't want to risk it. But I promise when we go somewhere like Denver, I'll hold your hand in public."

Being lost in those memories, I drifted on the butterflies in my stomach and fell even more deeply in love with not only him but the entire life I am building with him. I had no fear anymore. Not then. I had a picnic in a park, held my boyfriend's hand, played with our dog, and shared a kiss on a beautiful summer day.

But that doesnt mean i have to be in their life. As long as I take my light with me when I leave thats the greatest pain one can cause to happen to themselves.