Emmti

𝓘𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓷𝓪𝓿𝔂 !! 🛳.ೃ࿔*

you and mii 💛🩵

This post is strictly introspective. I want to be able to come back to it, reread it, and remember that by making this thought public, I’m trying to pin it down - so I don’t spiral back into endlessly picking at the work.

The moment has come when I can no longer afford to spend so much time drawing slowly and meticulously. I KNOW, almost no one even sees what I draw, because I only post a tiny fraction of it. But this post is more of an internal note - a way to mark this moment for myself, including publicly

My “slow style” evolved not only because it fits the aesthetic standards I hold myself to, but likely also as a way to keep the work from entering the world. The longer you draw, the longer you can avoid facing your own reaction to it. Perfectionism often disguises itself as “I just want to make it as good as possible,” when in reality, it’s a form of avoidance. And I’m a master of avoidance, as you know. I feel safe behind a heavy render. It takes up all the space and leaves no room for the question: what’s actually underneath? Is this a reluctance to face the places where I still haven’t fully formed as an artist? Where did this come from? The old school (I mean the 2010s) taught us to act like we’re in an office. I’m a merchant, here’s my product in the window. You show up with something “finished,” polished, and every piece is obligated to justify the very fact of its existence. But damn, the modern way is to basically live on the internets - it’s a habitat now. And it feels like a return to an even older style, just without that 90s and early 2000s cyber-optimism. Too bad it's gone (But that’s a separate topic and I have plenty to say about it).

I cling to the “slow style,” the massive rendering, realism, and meticulousness because it’s part of the identity the old school drilled into me. It feels as if simplifying is a form of degradation. And that’s probably the main toxic bullshit in my head. Switching to a fast and light style feels like a blow to the ego. Now I know it’s total bullshit. I personally look for and save mostly light-styled art, technical polish isn’t the first thing I care about, not even the second.