Alluria

Thank you for tenderly twisting the knife that we both held to stab me with

That tenderness turned pain into pleasure

With taint of your tornado splashing my blood around

Creating splatter patterns of a child I was

Chasing the wind and begging for love

Your tornado swooped you away

You’re like a bird caught pointlessly flying in circles

That’s this self love journey

Never ending because it leads nowhere

You’re stuck in a tornado

Silly

Landing feels impossible

Uncomfortable

When the wind carries your body just leans in

Doesn’t fight

It’s a choice

Albeit mindless and cowardly

Faced with love incarnate

keep spinning away

day by day

But the hand soaked in my wounds blood somehow never quite dries

Keeping the knife in buys time

Before a dam can be built

From ground up

Like it should have been in the first place

But I love you

I loved it when you loved me back

I loved it when you hurt me

I loved it all

Yes it was unbearable

But I was enduring it

I was willing to endure it all

The pain of distance

The joy of presence

You’re lost in the deep dark woods

Your wounds seep through

No predators in sight

The killer is in your mind

It got to me first

But I escaped

and I've been running towards you

since the day we met

So when you're ready

not healed

just willing

come find me

I'll be the red thread

still loose

still holding

still here

You say "I'm ready to try"

and I'll say

"love is good

please

embrace mine

I have enough for both of us

the hunger

the waiting

the room I kept for you

all of it

yours

Please stay this time around

Not because I need you

because I chose you

because I never un-chose you

because the killer in your mind

doesn't get to write our ending

We do

So come back to the clearing

I'll be the one

still blooming

in the dark

I think I’m breaking down

The waves are supposed to calm storms

Extinguish flames

Somehow

I’m water-resistant

Yet I’m drowning

I think I’ll need to let go of that rope

of hopeless attachment

I wish the rope would pull me on deck

But it’s untying gradually instead

And I choose to be a witness

and watch until I know I’m left for dead

Only then I’ll hurry to the gloomy shores again

Why this boat doesn’t need me aboard

Earth of my being keeps spinning

You’re the moon of my story

I’m the sun

You reflect what I am, but in the end

I’m the one

This whole fragile world revolves around

I’m the fierce, unending sun

The light in me is myself

I will never cease to burn

You don’t need to disappear

Before night and day comes again

I’ll be thriving in the midnight twilight

Where the darkness can’t reach

My fragile, fragile soul

If you go - let it be so

Wallow will not follow

For I’m standing my ground

With little steps comes great gratitude

spark flickers in the lighter

cigarette catches

slow burn

and I’m content

today I treat myself

no apology

I love spending time with myself

even if it looks like running

even if the feet keep moving

maybe I’m not alone

my angel walks beside

quiet

celebrating the bloom of this first small petal

thorns soften as I trace them with fingers

gentle

never forgetting

they make me bleed

but they grew to shield

from the evil that still haunts the edges of my world

time arrives

for the little white rose to open

This empty garden

once filled with chorus of vicious voices

riling in hellish canon

intensity so sharp

now a pause

slipped onto the staff

the encore

the last soft touch

the healing

breath held

then released

I sit with the smoke

and the petal

and the quiet angel

and let the thorns rest

It’s not my choice who I love

my heart just knows and acts

waves of feeling flood the brain

vast capacity

no edges trimmed

the waves don’t choose which way to curl

they flow along the realm

unbroken

if I want to stay afloat

I follow them

whole

my love is not a transit ship

it can’t be steered

it won’t sink

it doesn’t calculate

doesn’t think

it feels

and knows

who to go to

and it chose you

it doesn’t care how far you are

doesn’t care what you wear

doesn’t care about your hair

doesn’t care about your worries

but it does care about your story

it doesn’t mind that you’re afraid

my love is here

and it’ll wait

不是我選的

愛誰這件事

我的心只是知道

然後就動了

感覺的浪潮湧進腦袋

容量好大

沒有邊界

沒有裁剪

浪不會挑哪邊捲

它們只是沿著世界流

不斷裂

完整

如果我想繼續浮著

我就得跟著它們走

整個人

不碎

我的愛不是過路船

不能轉舵

也不會沉

它不計算

不思考

它只感覺

它只知道

該往誰那裡去

它選了你

它不在乎你離多遠

不在乎你穿什麼

不在乎你的頭髮

不在乎你的煩惱

但它在乎你的故事

它不介意你害怕

我的愛就在這裡

它會等

Martwię się dziś bardziej a miałam zapominać

Wyobrażam sobie jaka będzie ta chwila

Gdy zobaczę cię znów

I czy zobaczę

Czy obejmiesz mnie czule i czy pocałujesz

Czy wtulę się znowu w twoje ramiona

Czy Twoje uczucia zanikły już

Pośród głębin uczuć moich mórz

Szukam twojego serca

Choć może

Szukam twojego wraku

Nie chcę myśleć o braku

Ciebie

今天心裡更沉重了

本來想把你忘掉的

卻忍不住想像那瞬間

再次看見你的那一刻

會不會真的發生

你會不會溫柔地抱住我

會不會吻我，像從前一樣

我能不能再一次

埋進你的懷裡，聽見你的心跳

你的感情，是不是已經沉沒

在我的感情大海深處

消失得無影無蹤

我在尋找你的心

卻害怕找到的

只是沉船的殘骸

被海水沖刷多年

長滿了寂靜的藻

我不願意去想

沒有你的世界

那種空洞

那種再也填不滿的缺口

如果可以

請讓我永遠停在這一刻

還沒失去你

還沒確認你已經不在

I worry more today

when I was supposed to forget

I imagine that moment

the instant I see you again

…if I see you at all

Will you wrap me gently in your arms

will you kiss me

will I nestle once more

into the familiar hollow of your chest

Have your feelings already faded

sunk without trace

in the depths of my own seas

I search for your heart

though perhaps

I am only searching for your wreck

I refuse to think

of your absence

of the void where you should be

#poezja #poetry #ocpoetry #lovepoem #tragiclove #sinking #詩 #悲慘 #悲哀