emi

which should include jewelry n bodypillow ??

Most of the time your alibi was none other than your annoying roommate, Kunikuzushi. Always there, always close when you need help.

“Pft, you should see them. A major loser, they never leave the apartment! Not to mention, weak as a twig. I’ll bet you 1000 mora they don’t even know how to use a knife to cut up a piece of meat without getting all scared about accidentally cutting their finger! Imagine a killer terrified of their own weapon. Hah, what an idiot that would be.”

Well, fuck you, too, Kunikuzushi. You were excellent in the kitchen and you were not terrified of a knife. But you appreciated the fact he was always there to defend you against the supposed crimes you have done. At the same time, it was the bare minimum and his duty as a law abiding citizen to help the police to rule you out as a suspect.

Nonetheless, he even lied for you on numerous occasions. Where were you at a certain time? In your shared apartment. With him, he would say. That was not really the truth, he was usually not even home at the times of the disappearances. The lie would quickly crumble if your unit had security cameras, but it would also fully prove your innocence–with you never leaving your home.

Being homebody most of the time was now what saved you. Even though being in your safe place wasn’t as pleasant as you would like as your roommate was actually the worst. He was always there, looming in the shadows of your apartment. Making a snack for yourself? He, of course, is suddenly making one, too. Want to watch a movie in the shared living room and dare to not invite him? He thinks not.

Despite seemingly almost eager to be in your presence at every opportunity, he keeps on expressing how much he dislikes you. Sometimes even downright bullies you, saying odd things–borderline threatening. Then he just laughs, mocking you for thinking he was serious. How could you not think he was with his stares? Such a pretty face he has, yet it morphed into a devil.

If he hates you that much, why does he have to be around all the time? Well, he lives here with you. Not much you could do about that, except perhaps moving out. Nevertheless, the rent here is cheap so you decide against that.

Your dear friend’s words from your last complaint about him stuck into your mind, the wheels turning with all their might. Maybe Kunikuzushi was not so bad despite everything. The same way your online friend Scara was not. Some people are just a little rougher on the surface. Like a very firm gingerbread cookie that was still delectable despite its rock-hard texture. Your teeth and mouth would hurt, but your tastebuds were pleased.

You could be nicer to Kunikuzushi, try to understand him a little. Your friends might be right. Maybe you should get closer to him; be friendly, invite him out sometimes.

Your mind wanders to the past conversations with your friends.

Close as you could be to him, perhaps that would solve all the issues. Whatever was brewing inside you was questionable and you shook the morbid thought away as quickly as it came. It was not like you had any plans to harm Kunikuzushi. Nor you wished any harm upon him. Nor would you ever do anything horrible to him directly. But you suppose you should be more friendly with him, listening to your friends’ advice. The two of you were roommates, after all. It was quite awkward living like this, hiding and growling at him. You simply.. wanted to fix your situation. And to make it work, you need to be a little closer to him. It is not your fault if some undesirable consequences end up happening.

You found yourself standing in front of his door. The apartment was small, crowded, and dark with only one lit lamp. The living room, hall, and the kitchen were all connected. Unless he was in his room or the bathroom, you were always bound to see him.

You knock at his door–waiting but no response. Only silence which stretched endlessly. Did he not hear it? You knocked again with a soft-spoken tone, “Kunikuzushi?”

After a second or two, you could hear footsteps coming closer to the door. They open and suddenly you are face-to-face with your roommate. A face you would rather not see. Alas, you promised to be on better terms.

He leans against the frame of his door, staring as if burning a hole into your body. Even with a dimly lit atmosphere you could make out his face. As always, his expression seemed irritated, as if you were ruining his precious peace. As if it was not him who was annoying, persistent, and clinging to your presence shamelessly.

The slight unease you felt every time he looked at you came back, remembering why you were so adamant on trying to avoid him ever since living together. For a moment, you hesitated. You were not so sure about your idea anymore. Could you stand to be in close proximity willingly? Even more than you already are?

You only tolerated him here. Could you even hide your instinctive fear?

You awkwardly smile at him to which he raises an eyebrow, “what do you want?”

“I- I have a spare ticket to a cinema. Wanna come with me?”

It seems your question only confuses him further, as his face twists into a perplexed expression.

“Seriously? You want to go to the cinema with me?” He tilts his head at you, examining you as if you were an unknown creature to him.

Right, it was insane. Going out with him of all people? You’d rather choke. Yet, here you were.

“I was supposed to go with someone else.. but, uh.. they cancelled on me.” Your words were a lie, but he wouldn’t suspect that.

The corner of his lips lift a little. Of course, someone would cancel on you with the way how messy your life has been. Your explanation was believable enough. Still, surprising someone would even accept in the first place.

“How gullible. They were probably making fun of you. Did you really think they’d go with you?” He asks, his usual amusement emerging. As if it was silly for you to believe anyone would actually spend their time with you. Kunikuzushi was aware of everyone’s wariness towards you, of course he was.

“Hm, you are lucky I’m not so superstitious.” He muses, “Neither do I believe you’d kill your only ally.”

A tiny glare makes its way onto your face, which only makes him smile more, “oh, don’t be so grumpy. I’m messing with you, I know you are wrongly accused.”

How nice. He might be annoying, you might dislike him, but he does believe in you. At the same time, his trust comes from mainly believing you were incompetent to get away with anything like that for so long, at least that is what he told you.

A hint of guilt creeps up on you, but you shake it away, burying it somewhere in the depths of yourself where your discarded morality was resting. Already desensitized by too many unfortunate deaths around you.

What is one more funeral of someone you disliked?

previous - next

a/n: was supposed to post this last week but too many things i had to do last week.. but finally done w my assignments so i had the time to upload!!!

previous - next

a/n: next part should be written one!! will be posted maybe this week or early next week… mayhaps..

previous - next

a/n: first part mainly just for introduction.. part two should come out soon enough as its kind of finished!? again this is my first smau ever so im still figuring it out and getting used to this format!!

part 1 - the most innocent creature ever known

part 2 - the agony of roommates

part 3 - curse as a weapon ᝰ.ᐟ

N/A

one of the first things she tried to do canonically w her powers was to attempt to bring her back ugh💔

Hello!! Wanted to yap about Scara and his connections with Dottore + some other things about Scara!! Very Scara-centric. To Scara, Dottore was first a stranger whom he met without knowing, then a colleague/collaborator, whom he spent a lot of time with, and finally his final betrayal and arch-nemesis. (Definitely not mentioned everything in this post.. just some things my brain won’t shut up about after the Nod-Krai AQ! Might be a mess as I jump around with my thoughts gulp.. and I also might make some mistakes here and there! forgiveme….)

Let’s start off with some design and the false God aspect! As we found out in Nod-Krai, Scara was basically a prototype and test run for Dottore before getting his hands on divinity himself. The irony.. Scara being a prototype for someone again.

Some of the visuals, design, and attacks from Dottore’s boss fight really reminds me of Shouki no Kami, too!

Scara’s lines talking about Dottore and him being a new false God.. This all just really speaks for itself..

I’d also argue that achieving Godhood was mostly an idea planted by Dottore in Scara’s mind, and he went along with it because he believed it would be to his benefit–isn’t that ‘something he was made for’?

Next, something that is a similarity between them but it was caused by the perceived betrayal manipulated by Dottore, thus here they diverge. They are both ‘different’ from the rest of humanity in different senses. (However, as we’ve seen in the AQ, Scara sees himself as a real human now ;-; no different from a human!!!the development aaah!!) Dottore was rejected by fellow humans. Scara did believe (due to the lies) that he was rejected by his human friends, too, seeing him as an ‘abomination’. But this is not true as they have always seen him as a part of their community. Scara was accepted, Dottore was not–however, he made him believe he was ostracized, too. And it was so easy to manipulate and break someone who was already abandoned by his creator. His heart shattering..

When we think about Scara’s present self, he was accepted by the place Dottore was rejected–Sumeru. The Goddess of Wisdom herself took him in. The Akademiya praises him to the heavens for his papers in Vahumana, while Dottore was expelled. In his birthday letter, he complained about how popular he was with the other students, annoying him with celebrations (oh, how loved you are, Scara</3). Well, now that is another irony, but this time it stings for Dottore. It is also interesting how Nahida represented Scara’s backstory in the fairytale, implying that Dottore was ‘furious’ at the happy life he had in Tatarasuna. Could this be accurate portrayal of his feelings upon seeing Kabukimono? Nahida also mentioned he was carved from a 'white tree', and now we know for sure he was actually made from Irminsul.

In the end, their lives are similar, yet somewhat altered. Their stories seem to dance around each other. A very bitter dance, one which Dottore pulled Scara into.

Let’s rewind back to his Harbinger era. It was already seen in the artifact set Husk of Opulent Dreams how Scara mimicked a phrase (potentially even more than just that off-screen on different occasions) from Dottore–establishing the connection between them and the mold which Scara has found himself in.

‘He would only say in that tone of voice he had learned from a certain researcher: “It was all just a little experiment into human nature.”’

The word ‘learned’ has that feeling to it that Dottore has taught him more than just a tone of voice and a few words. There are many things he could have learned from him.

When Scara first joined the Fatui, there is no doubt it was at his most vulnerable time as he went through so much, hardening himself after his experiences but still fragile enough. One of the first people who came up to him was none other than Dottore! As mentioned in Scara’s character story: ‘A stranger named The Doctor would welcome him warmly in this frigid northern land, inviting the Wanderer to be the key reference material in his experiments–his grand research project’. Key word: ‘warmly’. Could we deduce that he was treated the same way as Columbina in her character story? At first, he praised Columbina, but then it was not good enough. Columbina left him, but Scara stayed around as it was mutually beneficial. Columbina and Scara’s personalities also differ a lot. Everyone around Columbina expected something from her, while Scara wanted to be useful. 

When Pierro recruited him he called him a ‘weapon, one that could be wielded with an iron will’, which seems to be something that Scara did like hearing. He wanted to be something useful, something with a purpose. Dottore and Fatui in general gave him that, as he was very useful to them–until he failed.

How did Dottore regard Scaramouche? Did he see him as a family, the same way he saw Columbina? We could say that maybe, at the beginning, if we take the fact he apparently welcomed him warmly into account (but this could very well and probably was just a manipulation–to appear kind at first). Or just a ‘like-minded’ individual? Or simply a test subject. We could see that there was a tension between the two even when they were working together. So we could say that the ‘warmth’ did not last for a long time.

At first when he arrived, he might have wanted to see Dottore as a friend, the same way Columbina did. Soon enough, he found out he only cared about his experiments. This did not scare him away as he did get what he wanted from him, too.

In addition, I also think due to his bitter feelings (portrayal from Nahida's fairytale) in Tatarasuna–Scara might have irritated him even more, which could also show through resentful behaviour, which means he might have even treated him worse than he would under normal circumstances? As Dottore said himself when Traveler called him ‘lying psychopath’ that his past self (the self during the Sumeru AQ) would have probably gotten even angry–so it would be safe to assume he might have reacted with negative emotions when it came to Scara. Yet, in Nod-Krai, Dottore seems to believe he is above such feelings now.

Noticing how Dottore has the same beliefs while talking to Traveler as Scara had about relationships. Transactional relationships–borrowing and giving back, mutual benefit. 

(I would definitely not say he took all of his behaviour from Dottore, though!!! Even before meeting him in Snezhnaya, he was already hostile, bitter, and angry at the world. (cough.. though whose fault is the Tatarasuna incident.. cough) A little hints here and there. People around each other are bound to mimic one another.)

Hoyoverse clearly wants to point this out even more as it is finally more evident in the 6.3 update, where we can see more of the effect Dottore has left on Scara and his opinions through their shared history, company, and time.

The most obvious one is when Traveler points out that Dottore has said the same thing—directly pointing out their similarity to the players.

Spending decades around Dottore? That may need no comment. It is also very obvious they were close throughout these years as pointed out many times that Scara knows him very well, which is useful for their plans against Dottore in Nod-Krai. 

Their closeness was evident from the very beginning as Dottore himself expressed disappointment at not being able to spend as much time as he used to after Scara kept being sent to the Abyss for exploration (probably way better for him than the experiments..). 

This closeness is rather mostly physical proximity as (again) they do not seem to get along much from what we could see in Sumeru. However, even physical proximity creates some type of bond between individuals. For the better or worse.

The time he spent with Dottore had definitely shaped him into The Balladeer we’ve seen in the past, and it is so sweet to see him healing from these views. He seems much more open to friendships now, even spending time with other characters from Akademiya as said by Durin in his voiceline: ‘I've asked Hat Guy if they're his friends. He always complains about how noisy they are, but he's never denied their friendship.’ He does not seem to see relationships as only transactional like he used to. Yet, he is still hesitant and acts nonchalant as it could never be this easy to let his guard fully down. The ‘I care’ emote of Wanderer portrays that well, haha.

Scara pushing away Durin because he thinks it’s his fault the world is forgetting him? ;-;

‘"If you decide to plant your story here in this world, I suppose I'll have a small part in it. Just remember that part I played, and that'll be enough. That's my story, as far as you're concerned." Hearing this, Durin fell silent for a long while. It was the first time he'd ever heard Hat Guy speak to anyone like that — in an encouraging tone, yet tinged with a faint trace of something that almost sounded like a plea.’

(not his exact words as this is the fairytale version but it reflects his mindset)

Not to mention, the way he trusted Traveler with his core (I could yap about his core, too–because ugh, that was his actual heart!! the visuals are heart-like, too!! he did not see it as a real heart and yet it was so important and fragile like a heart that the risk of dying could have been high!!! him being so resilient but take his core away and he is gone!!!!! But I won’t digress more..). The self-sacrifice and risk to stop Dottore in time. And also the trust in Durin and Albedo to watch over him. He does not trust easily, but when he does it feels so special and meaningful. He cares so dearly about his closest companions, and he always did. He just buried that part of himself. After all, one of the things he wanted was to be stripped away of his human emotions, showing just how much he felt and how much he wanted these feelings to stop.

Saving the Traveler from Dottore. It makes me think of how Dottore, once again, had someone close to Scara in his grasp with a potential of being harmed/manipulated by him, as were his friends in Tatarasuna. But he did not let Dottore win this time. In its way, saving Traveler from Dottore was a revenge on his own. Scara being the one to save them was so meaningful and important. For me, this scene was wonderfully done. So much development. 

His core was the reason they were able to defeat him in time (and the calculations from Sandrone, of course). So, Scara did have a key role in defeating Dottore, one way or the other.

A thing I am curious to know about more is his Harbinger era. How was Scaramouche viewed by his fellow Harbingers? We know the Fatui soldiers and his subordinates did not like working under him as he had a disagreeable personality: ‘I've got no clue which of them I'll be under this time, but I'm just praying that it's not Lord Scaramouche’. It was also mentioned that he was ‘disliked by several of his fellow Harbinger’. Was Scaramouche viewed the same way as Dottore by Sandrone and Arlecchino? Probably, but I think here they may differ a little, as they were probably hated due to different things. Despite some similarities, their personalities may not be that similar (and Dottore kind of seemed annoyed by Scara himself during that one part lol).

There are just so many questions! I really wish we could find out more about his past life with Fatui. More flashbacks, more info, voicelines about him from other Harbingers (impossible ik!!!), or at least a bit of stories of his time there. Unfortunately, I do not think Hoyo will expand onto that more. 

The new line said towards Arlecchino and Sandrone could imply he found much amusement from his colleagues during his time with them. Also, the teapot line about the Harbinger’s banquet. The conversation between him and Signora was filled with tension, but most Harbingers are behaving around each other this way. Lastly, in the Pale Flame artifact set he has also said: ‘"Since these mask-wearing people are so fun to be around..." "I think I'll become one of them."’ So it’d be safe to assume he also had some fun in his own way.

A bit of theorizing about the future: All of these things make me think that Hoyoverse plans an actual conclusion between both of these characters–they just seem to be too intertwined. What kind of conclusion? Revenge is an interesting theme, filled with so many ugly and hateful emotions. Yet, I do not think there could ever be a revenge where Scara simply kills Dottore and it’d solve everything because revenge never really fixes the past—just gives momentary relief. As we see at the end, even after Dottore is gone, Scara does not feel entirely fulfilled. This could be because Hoyo is hinting at Dottore’s return, and it just does not feel like he is really gone. Or the obvious thing, that Scara did not have the satisfaction of being the one to finish him. At the same time, it makes me wonder if even then, if he did finish him by his own hands—would he really feel concluded? Everything in his past still happened, even if Dottore is gone. Revenge often does not give the satisfaction one craves. This is a running theme in media and reality itself. An endless cycle of revenge and hatred is not something Scara needs. 

There are many ways this storyline could go. Irminsul.. Personally, the worst thing I am fearing is that Scara ends up actually sacrificing himself to stop Dottore (if he comes back but I believe he definitely will(if not just end me for spouting nonsense)). This thought stems from the fact they relentlessly keep reminding us that Scara has accepted his death already–as in, it was always supposed to happen. Also Hoyo pointing out the fact he was made from Irminsul the whole time in Nod-Krai uhhh… yeah… 

I’ve already seen some theories about these aspects plus the old leak from months ago about him becoming a hero….. and he is already a hero in Simulanka, which mirrors the real world (this could also just mean that he is a hero to Durin—saving, helping, and navigating him through life). Scara saying he is envious of Durin because not everyone gets a chance to be a hero? Durin telling him he will get his chance to strike back at fate? Hints.. I will be sick.

(technically, he was a hero in the AQ, when he saved the Traveler...and many other times he saved them..)

From what I’ve observed, most things said around Scara ends up being revisited later and actually happens.

However!!! I do not think they would kill him off haha.. they can’t do that….. Scara has too many storylines that could and should be explored. His origins in Inazuma, Khaenri’ah techniques, Raiden Gokaden, Scara perhaps meeting with the Traveler again in Snezhnaya, if they would need help with navigating around the Fatui (something I believed that could happen but as Traveler is already an ally with Arlecchino and Childe, plus only 4 Harbingers remain so might be not needed anymore…) Still, he knows the ins and outs of Snezhnaya and his anonymity is a huge advantage. 

Who knows what his fate will be? The ties of name and fate, how will that affect him? At the moment, his only names are not really names: Wanderer, Hat Guy.. The name given to him Traveler would not affect his fate as they are a Descender. Ei has never given him a name in the first place.

That is all for now, but there is probably more I’d like to say and I'm also too tired to proofread um so I hope there are not too many mistakes... Scara makes me sick to my stomach in a very lovable but alarming way. Stop putting him into danger, Hoyo!!!!!!!

What are your thoughts on potential upcoming quests?

Like birds chirping, it seemed like the Fatui members probably have done all their duties with now not much to do except for their idle chit-chat. Gossips and rumours, they were almost scaring one another with their stories of what happened to the latest Fatui recruit.

An unknown addition working under the Sixth. Some say The Balladeer has sunk their teeth right into them and sucked them dry after they were an utter failure on the last mission. Others that he has quite literally cooked and ate them, forcing the others to eat with him, too.

It was you. As far as you were aware, you were alive and well. You were not eaten, you were not sucked dry.

The story has been twisted too many times to the point it was nothing but a spooky tale now. Another way to make the Sixth Harbinger even more frightening to the eyes of Fatui.

Silly rumours, you weren’t sure how they exactly came to exist. On the last mission, you were injured in the stomach by an arrow while trying to protect him. When you really try to think about it, he did, technically, taste you after you started to bleed. You didn’t find it scary, nor abnormal.

Thirst is common to humans so why did it terrify them so much to the point of creating these stories?

Kunikuzushi was, indeed, just thirsty. And you were, oh, so available to him at that moment.

Thirsty for whatever it is he was in need of.

“Am I not allowed to join you on your missions anymore?” You ask simply, looking up at him as you sit in your destined place in the corner of the room, on the floor. Beneath your knees, a kind gesture from him laid, a comfortable pillow.

There have been occurrences he has shown you kindness. Those moments were fleeting but appreciated nonetheless. You will take anything you could get.

“You will be better off here.” He spoke firmly, looking down upon you as he hovered above you. His arms crossed, watching you as if he was contemplating on what to do with you. As if you were an unneeded leftover he had to deal with.

Frankly, you were unfit. He voiced that to Dottore, too. Unfortunately, he was also good for nothing. Kunikuzushi has asked him to make you more resilient, to which he just shrugged and talked about how that would be a waste of material and time. Tsk, he wasted all that time before to create you but no longer cares to make you better? What were his plans anyways? Kunikuzushi didn’t want to dwell on that, he’d rather not get into trying to understand what was going on in Dottore’s head.

“Why? I won’t jump into danger again if you are worried about that.” You try to reason with him, not wanting him to leave you behind. It would be far too lonely and boring to stay here on your own. Staying away from him for too long would not do any good for you.

“And if you do? Do you think I want to visit Dottore everyday?” He shakes his head in disapproval, clearly he wouldn’t let himself get persuaded by you. You could plead and beg, but you will be staying right here.

“What am I supposed to do?” You ask. At this point maybe he should just ‘turn you off’ when he is away.

“I don’t know? Find something to do here?” He sighs, a little annoyed at having to deal with you, “just don’t get into trouble.”

You wouldn’t get into trouble. How could you do that, stuck between four walls? You couldn’t even think of any ways to cause problems. Flood his room? There was no water in here as far as you knew.

He left simply without saying anything else, leaving you all alone, not even sparing you another look.

Silence. The room was eerily dead except for the sound of the clock ticking. Ticking and ticking, minutes turning into hours, restless, you couldn’t just sit around and do nothing. Not to mention, all you had in mind was Kunikuzushi and he wasn’t even here to delight your thoughts.

Standing up from the position of your comfy pillow, you hesitantly walked around the room as if worried you might damage the floor beneath you if you weren’t careful enough with your steps. You stood still before the table, your electrogun, staring at it as it were staring back at you.

The urge to grab it and leave the room, following right behind him was almost unbearable. Leaving you here? How boring. You wanted to be of help to him. What if he’ll just throw you out after realizing you were no use for him? Having to prove yourself worthy of him, you couldn’t stay here. He needed you, too.

Because, who will protect him if not you? He might have told you he doesn’t need protection, but that fell flat on your ears. Your determination was much stronger than that.

You take the electrogun Kunikuzushi has given you in your hands and before anything could stop you, you walk right out the door of his room.

The hall behind the door, you have just gone through, was a long one. Empty yet fancy place. One could get lost here. You look from one side to the other, which way? You remember walking in both directions while you were following Kunikuzushi around before. But you couldn’t possibly know which way he would have gone this time. You didn’t even know what he was up to today.

Suddenly, a certain voice startled you, making you react quickly by aiming the electrogun on whoever it was.

“Ah? What do we have here? Scaramouche didn’t take you with him?” Dottore hums in thought, observing you as you clutched the gun in your hands, pointing it right at him. Your hands were trembling. You didn’t even notice him, where did he come from?

“What are your plans? Going around the Zapolyarny Palace and attacking everyone in your way?” He tuts at you, calmly pushing your gun away with his finger, “I don’t remember programming you to attack Fatui.”

“I’m sorry, you startled me, Father.” You lower your electrogun. What were you thinking? There was no threat inside the palace. You shouldn’t be so jumpy. Kunikuzushi wouldn’t be happy with you accidentally harming anyone from the organization while he was away. That would just cause issues for him.

“Did he leave you behind?” He smiles wryly at you and you nod to his question, “of course, you poor thing, he thinks you are not worth his time.”

He cooed sadly, as if you were a wounded little bird, unable to fly. Sudden wave of anxiety flows through you, his words alarming. Not worth his time?

“B- But I, he told me to wait for him.” You retort weakly. Dottore only laughs at your increasing worry, he knew he hit the bull’s-eye.

“Wait for you? And what is it that you are doing now?” He tilts his head at you, studying you. Evidently, you were doing the opposite of what you have been told to. You were aware Kunikuzushi might be displeased if you showed up in front of him, but you were doing it for him. Dottore just shook his head at you in pity.

“Come on, my child. Let’s repair that, hm?” He holds out his hand for you, luring you sweetly.

You raise your hand, hesitating for a moment. Would Kunikuzushi get mad? You were aware that he didn’t seem to like Dottore much. Still, there was no reason to not listen to your creator.

Kunikuzushi would understand. So you took Dottore’s hand.

Whatever The Doctor does to you will stay between the two of you. You won’t tell, not like you could. You won’t go to Kunikuzushi telling him about how you so eagerly wanted to go after him but were stopped by Dottore. Neither will he tell him he has borrowed his possession. It was just for a minute or two, he won’t notice and you won’t know the next time you are back in Kunikuzushi’s room either.

Essentially, nothing happened.

Sitting up abruptly, Kunikuzushi awoke. The room was dark with only the moon giving it a light, his vision slightly blurry as he started to come back to reality. He touches his cheek, feeling a wetness on them. Tears? He cried in his sleep again it seemed.

It was just a nightmare. Just a nightmare that was gnawing at him once more. He was in his bed, in his chamber. He was fine, everything was fine. He shouldn’t let it get to him. It comes and goes.

Sighing, he looks to the side and almost falls off right from the bed. Your face right next to his, your eyes watching him, a curious look on your face. It might have been a mistake to move you from the floor to bed.

“Were you still not taught about personal space?” Kunikuzushi grumbles. He seemed a bit softer than his usual irritated self as he just woke up.

You were far too close, observing him as if he was an unknown specimen to you.

“Are those tears?” You ask, your hand reaching for his face. Before you could get your hand on him, he slapped it away, not amused by your nosiness.

“Probably.” He deadpans.

What kind of answer was that? Now he wanted to slap himself instead, cringing at his own words, it must have been the grogginess. He didn’t want you to see that, it was nothing important. Crying in his sleep was no more than an ordinary occasional occurrence that meant nothing. Just a bad dream that will soon be forgotten.

“It’s nothing.” He says, rather quietly, his eyes no longer paying you any attention. Such behaviour from him was uncharacteristic. It seemed almost vulnerable, the small cracks glowing through his sharp exterior.

His expression made your heart ache, hollow yet with a hint of hidden sorrow.

Looking away won’t save him from you as you move on the bed to be right in front of him. Slowly, you raised your hand to his face again. Touch – gentle – like carefully holding a fine porcelain. Yet, touching him would be far more poisonous than the chance of him shattering under your tender fingertips.

You cup his face in your hands, surprisingly, he does not move away, nor did he smile or react in any way. He just stared at you, utterly unfeeling to one’s eyes. His face wanted to hide so much from the whole world, to bury himself entirely. You peeked behind that facade with dedicated solicitude. It was a once in a lifetime moment. Perhaps, it was the quietness of the room, coating the both of you in an engrossed bubble of each other. The moon gazing at the two of you, the only witness to your sin.

“Even Gods have the ability to shed tears.” You murmur, kissing his cheek as you sit in between his legs, feeding him with the promise of divinity, your words wrapping around him like silk.

You still didn’t understand what personal space meant, he assumed. Otherwise, why would you still be this close despite his warnings? But he couldn’t be cruel to the one who held him on pedestal.

“Weren’t you just made to be my glory, hm?” He quips, a light chuckle escaping past his lips but it does not reach his eyes.

Kunikuzushi ignores the itch to push you down and smother you with his desire. To sink his teeth into you, taste what you have been granting him with, closely and completely. Instead, all he does is slips past your hands and rests his face into the crook of your neck, warm and mellow place. He gives into this short tranquility with you. It felt right. There was no threat, he could lose himself in you. You were worthy. You were his. His rise. What good would it have done him to bleed you dry all at once?

Darkness enveloped you as the fine silk covered your eyes. One hand of his around your waist, the other holding your hand gently, leading you somewhere. Blindfolded and without any idea of what awaits you. Kunikuzushi said he wants to surprise you. You count your steps and the number is not so high, wherever he is taking you is not so far.

“Here we are,” he mutters quietly, almost as if he didn’t want to disturb the dark ambience with his voice, “careful.”

He slowly sits you down, the chair beneath you cushioned and comfortable. He doesn’t take off the silk on your eyes yet as he moves away from you. A quick sound of fire flaring, you flinch a little. Your small frightened reaction forced a hushed chuckle out of him.

“Do you not trust me?” He asks, his voice heightened to your senses, you couldn’t see but from the sound of his voice he was definitely smirking.

“Nothing to do with trust. You are free to do whatever you’d like with me at the end of the day and I shall trust your judgement.” You mumble into the darkness. You were just startled by the loud noise of a fire, that was all. You weren’t scared of him.

“Am I? Hm, so should I burn you?” He questions, you could feel sudden warmness in front of you. The fire he ignited, right in front of your face. His early amusement eerily fading away.

You didn’t dare move away from it, you stood still. No words came out of your mouth.

“Are you not afraid to turn into dust? The doctor might not be able to fix you again.” He taunts you.

“I will accept death if it’s chosen upon me by you.” You reply, but there is a hint of shakiness in your voice betraying you. A hint of fear. Of course. Even a puppet fears the everlasting darkness, to turn into nothing.

“Heh, it’s fine. You don’t have to act brave. Are you trying to impress me?” He cackles, moving the fire away from you again. He was only messing with you, playing with your mind.

He steps close to you again, carefully untying the silk as he lets you see again. You open your eyes, starting to slowly focus on what is in front of you. You found yourself in a room surrounded by a new darkness with a single candle lit on the table. A cake that seemed meticulously prepared to perfection on the rather expensive-looking plate.

You eye him, the utter confusion on your face tugs a self-satisfied smile on his, “I believe I have not given you any food to try yet.”

His words surprised you, did he really want to give you food? You did not need to eat, nor anything else of the human needs. This was not a necessity, but a pleasure. From the concealed benevolence of his, he has decided to give you a taste. A gratitude for your sweet worship. A pleasure for pleasure.

“T-There is no need, my Lord-” you shook your head, taken aback by his action. It would be a waste of cake if you ate it.

“No. This is a present from me. I’m not giving you permission to refuse,” he quickly interrupts you with a frown, seemingly not happy with your bashfulness, “and did I not tell you to call me Kunikuzushi?”

You reluctantly nodded, looking back at the dessert on the table.

“Strawberry cake,” he adds almost gently, trying to teach you something ‘new’, “that’s a fruit.”

You were not stupid. You knew what strawberries were. It seems he is underestimating your intelligence. It was not surprising he would do that. He looked down upon most people. Still, he should be aware by now that you did have a basic knowledge of the world. You nod to his explanation, “I know what strawberries are.”

“Don’t give me an attitude.” He chides you, the tone of his voice turning dangerous.

You look at him once more, panicking a little, “I didn’t!”

For a moment, he just stares at you as if what you have spoken has insulted him greatly. He was already quite lenient with you than he was with anyone else. He was even kind to you, in his own way. Gave you food, tried to provide you with an insight to the human world and all he gets is you muttering that you know? Maybe he should just throw the cake away.

Instead, he just bursts into humourless laughter after what seemed like an hour-long staring contest, sneering at you mockingly, “you should see your face.”

He was a bit hard to figure out. A ticking bomb that threatened to explode at any time, yet it didn’t. You were glad it didn’t. You admired him but that didn’t mean you weren’t a little scared of him at times. Gods are powerful, aren’t they? It was normal to fear a God.

He took the tiny fork in his hand, pointing at it, “a fork used for desserts.”

Now that was on purpose, you were sure as his lips curled up into a sly smile, his eyes glinting with sardonic mischief. He didn’t put the fork in your hands, instead he sunk it into the cake, slowly taking a piece of it.

“Open up.” He spoke in a gentle manner, coaxing you into opening your mouth for him, “you’re special so I will feed you myself.”

The word ‘special’ coating on his tongue, sticking, honeyed. You open your mouth for him, letting him place the piece of strawberry cake in there. You let the flavour melt in your mouth for a few seconds before starting to chew it, the fruity jam harmonizing with the fluffy cake on your tongue, releasing a newly found satisfaction in you. Sweet, light yet rich, and inviting as if made with the most tender love in one’s mind.

“It’s good.” You spoke with your mouth filled with it. He clicked his tongue at you, but no scolding words came out of him for talking with your mouth full, the look on his face still somewhat endearing. As soon as you swallowed, another piece came right into your mouth, not giving you a space to talk, resulting in a strained whine from you.

His smirk widened, shushing you. His free finger moved to the corner of your lips, wiping off a bit of cream on it right back into your mouth, “messy and clumsy.”

After you were done with this piece, you quickly tried to talk again, “don’t you want a taste too?”

“No, thanks. I am not a fan of these sweet things.” He mumbles, while again pressing the fork in front of your lips.

You were slightly surprised he gave you something he didn’t like. If he dislikes cakes, why prepare one for you? Of course, you still appreciated what he did for you. You were sure it came out of a place of care.

“Then what-” as soon as you opened your mouth again to talk, he shoved more into you. You frown lightly to which he just smiles in faux-innocence as if he wasn’t aware you wanted to talk. He didn’t care about your growing frustration and you didn’t try to show it more than the small frown on your face. You wouldn’t throw a fit with him.

“Then what do you like?” You manage to ask before he feeds you.

“Tea.” A simple reply comes out of his lips, not interested in having conversation with you at the moment.

He was simply enjoying feeding you the cake he himself prepared, made with only the greatest ingredients. He knew how to bake, and he was definitely not bad at it. It was not something he has done a lot. There was no reason for it, he didn’t enjoy the things he baked, and who would he bake for?

The Sixth Harbinger baking? As if he would let anyone from Fatui see him like that. He didn’t mind you seeing him like that. Definitely not, you were much different from those insects.

The last bite of the cake was presented before you, ready to eat it, you opened your mouth once more for him, expecting the taste of the velvety cake soon to meet you one last time. But there was nothing. The last bite of cake went right into his mouth. A hint of disappointment played on your face as you were looking forward to savouring the cake for the last time. Pouting at him, it was like taking candy from a child. Easy and slightly mean. But you would not complain, you wouldn’t talk back to him, would you? Smirking at you as he was chewing the cake, he seemed pleased with himself.

Without any warning, he leans his face into yours to the point of lips meeting, his hand on your face making sure you wouldn’t withdraw from him. Gently, he bites onto your lower lip to make you part your lips. And you did. He wasted no time, his tongue pushing the contents into your mouth, all of it, back where it was supposed to go in the first place, unintendedly caressing and intertwining with your tongue in an almost sensual manner. But he didn’t stay in your comfort any longer than he was supposed to, not even to explore you a little. He held back his selfishness. As he was rid of all the pastry, he moved back from you. You let the taste melt and savour it on your tongue a little longer, before swallowing it with ease. Kunikuzushi has made it seem like nothing, he simply mouth-fed you.

Bewilderment was not enough to describe the level of confusion he has given you. Did he really find this much amusement in messing with you? You could not predict his behaviour, it may be that you just need to study him a lot more. The Doctor didn’t give you a manual to understand the Sixth.

“I didn’t want to damage your teeth too much. It was your first time eating and the last bite was not so soft.” He says but it seemed more like he just made that up to feed your gullible mind, “plus you are right. I should have tried it first before feeding it to you. My mistake.”

“In any way, you should be honored you got it right from me.” He shrugs, putting the fork away on the finished plate. You were honored, perhaps his own saliva made the cake even better, that he would be as kind as to not only spoon-feed you but also directly feed you from his own mouth to yours. How thoughtful from the man you see as your God.

He did like playing with his food though. So it was no different.

“Thank you.” You say softly. He brings tissue to your lips, making sure you are all clean and proper, simply discarding it on the plate when he is done.

He steps away to the different room and in a few minutes or so he comes back, holding a tea set. He puts it onto the table, the flame of the candle still dancing, wax dripping. Taking the teapot in his hands, he pours the tea for you and himself, too.

“One cup of tea for you.” He hands you the cup and you take it into your hands, warming them.

The taste was bitter. Leaving a sharp, unapologetic edge across your tastebuds, no sweetness whatsoever. It was much different from the cake you had. So this is what he likes. He seems to be looking at you the whole time as you tasted the tea, his eyes not moving from you, not even to sip his own drink.

“How do you like it?” He questions, getting a little impatient as he waits for your opinion.

“It’s.. interesting.” You reply, intrigued by the flavour, your words careful as you drink more. The bitterness was addictive, each sip sending an intense wave through you. It was fitting for him, you were not surprised he liked tea. Addictive, intense, unapologetically sharp.

He smiles, more to himself than at you, content with the fact you were enjoying the tea.

“Want more?”