Awhile back I started writing you a letter as a therapeutic exercise that I'd never send. Pasted into Word it was 3.5 pages, which I realized was too crazy to ever send no matter how rational I thought I sounded! But I suddenly wanted to say something. So here's the TLDR version.
When I think back on us, I see a person who broached a bunch of issues for the first time 8 months into a relationship and never gave me/us a chance to address them. That still hurts. When I said I think I would've married you if you asked, I think what I really was thinking that I would've been less surprised if you proposed than broke up with me that night, and that shook me. You doted on me to an embarrassing (but unendingly charming) degree in front of people. You talked about neighborhoods we could live in, how nice it would be to get married at the beach, baby names. I trusted in you so deeply. Sometimes people build you up just so they can knock you down, huh.
In any case, time has passed, and I’ve been on a few dates with someone. He's 37, super into me, smart, successful, likes public radio, is Irish-American and doesn’t believe in God. So why am I writing to you? ;) I miss your sensitivity, your laughter, your passion. I found myself reading the Wikipedia page on Dominion and getting bummed I won’t be at MSG NYE. When I think about us, I think about the good and don't care about the differences. In fact, I may have thrived off them. I have a lot to give. And so much more I’d like to do with you - and not someone else. And so I’m wondering if you miss anything about me. I’m wondering a lot of things. If you wonder anything, too, or think we can talk, come over?
—
You yelled at me and left me for a week, and at your behest I drove up to the city to go out with you. We had sex, and we had fun. Until going to watch a concert on TV from a couch was more important than me, and you couldn’t be bothered to spend the night with me or even see me the next morning. Slinking back to NJ the next day, from my car parked right across the street from where you sat upstairs playing on your phone and smoking weed while ignoring me, should’ve been more telling than it was. I was scared, upset, angry and torn, but I couldn’t stop wanting you to change your mind, so I just kept quiet and left. It was awful. You were awful.
At the very least, I just enjoy you.
—
Why just shut us down rather than talk about
You asked if we could ever come back from this. I
I’m sitting at a cafe next to teenage girls debating what ‘spirit emoji’ one of them thinks she is, because she has to hand it in for homework. GOD HELP US ALL.
I’m sorry I was so concerned with Dan being mean to you that I didn’t realize I was being mean to you.
I think it’s incredibly unfair of you to say ‘we’re not right for each other’ and not explain why. I deserve that much from you.
If you’re willing to hash out your relationship issues w/me, I’m willing to pee in the woods again. :)
I’m able to be open now after knowing what happens when I’m closed.
Is your religion such an issue that you can’t love me anymore because I
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