Perambles and Rambles

Religious imagery flickers through this song just as it weaves through Hannibal (the series). I never can decide if Hannibal sees Will as his disciple or his God - to be worshiped. But there is no doubt in my mind that Hannibal would include his ideas of heaven in his beliefs about Will.

The use of Must suggests an inevitability, like he knew that this situation would crumble one way or another. That he knew Will would burn out, but he held some hope that the scales would tip Will towards him. Just like how Will was "in [his] dream". But the teacup has shattered

Hannibal releases his "scattered brain" - this could be seen in two ways. He is letting go of the parts of him that are connected to Will - parts that maybe don't fit with his previous images of himself. Or he is referring to Will as "My scattered brain". Calling Will "My enemy". But Will is His.

"I cut from the inside" - This feels like Hannibal cuts Will because of how he is feeling inside. Maybe he is scared, frightened, and that makes him unsettled - "Something just isn't right".

"I'm drowning in my self defence" - "I gave you a rare gift, but you didn't want it." When Hannibal guts Will he does so to survive, if he did not do so he would drown, die. When Will says "Didn't I?" then maybe the guilt begins to set in. "Now punish me."

"Think of me as what you will." - How does Will view Hannibal? As a monster, a man - a friend, an enemy? Does it really matter to Hannibal, no because he knows what he is and he is saying Goodbye (for now."

The idea of Hannibal growing "like a cancer" just screams of the idea that he has grown inside Will but he has grown from parts of Will. His influence is born of Will's cells, working beyond what they normally do. He is silent and devastating but he is a part of Will. To cure Will of Hannibal would be to destroy, claw out, part of himself and damage the surrounding structures. "Do you believe you could change me, the way I have changed you? - I already did"

Water imagery returns in the rain - the rain that washes away blood, cleansing in a way. Hannibal stands in the rain at the end of Season 2. He has shed his person suit for a brief moment. He wipes his face as the rain drops fall. A small part of me thinks that he lets a few tears fall, disguised as they are. I see this moment as his washing away that "poisoned pain" of betrayal.

"Deliver me" - the religious themes pop up again. Is Will Hannibal's saviour? Is he seeking forgiveness? What poisoned part of himself does Hannibal want saving from, or would he rather pull Will down with him? "I forgive you Will. Will you forgive me?"

It's giving obsession - a desperation to be known and understood.

I strongly believe that Hannibal wants nothing more than to be understood and he believes Will to be the only one who could ever fully understand him. As he leaves his old home, I picture him just thinking and hoping that maybe if he says it enough times - Will will know.

Please know me

It is cut off. Hannibal believes Will to not care for him, to wish to shackle him. He loves. But he is not sure if the one he loves is Will (for now)

... give it some time in Europe and that will soon change hehe

The sight that greeted Sam needed to be photographed. Bucky was lounging back on his ‘old man armchair’ feet up, hair in a towel, in a bathrobe, coffee in hand and facemask on, this was definitely one for the family album.

At the sound of the phone shutter Bucky practically launched himself out of the chair.

“Oh, you are never gonna live this one down old boy, it’s going to haunt you.” Sam almost cackled evilly as he began to email the photo to himself- he had learnt the hard way that Bucky was very proficient at breaking phones.

“You better not upload that photo anywhere, Wilson, I have a reputation to uphold.”

“Pfft, reputation, that’s funny.”

Bucky scoffed as he stood up, placing his book carefully on the side table, “Big scary super soldier, people hardly run-in fear from a guy in a bathrobe.”

“I disagree, a man in a bathrobe is definitely something you should run from. AH NOPE!” Sam jumped backwards, on top of a nearby chair, as Bucky lunged for the phone, towel turban falling off in the process. “You are not breaking this phone as well.”

“Fine. But you gotta promise not to post that anywhere.” Bucky huffed.

“I won’t.”

“Good.”

“As long as- “

“Oh no, I’m not doing anything for you.”

“Think of it as payment for the last phone you broke and insurance for this picture.”

There was silence for a moment as the two friends eyed each other up. Sam raised his eyebrows, Bucky’s eyes narrowed. It was an intense staring match between a guy in a bathrobe and a precariously balanced man. A clock ticked.

“Fine.” Bucky conceded. “What do you want?”

“For you to come to a meeting.”

“The families of Veterans ones?”

“Yeah.” Sam slowly started climbing down from the chair. “And before you get your old man pants in a twist, I’m not trying to force you to talk or anything, kinda.”

“Kinda?” Suspicion laced through Bucky’s voice.

“You know sign language, right?”

“Which kind?”

“American? I think?”

“Yeah, I know ASL, might be a bit rusty but I’m sure it still holds up. Why do you ask?”

Sam shifted slightly on his feet, “There’s this person, they come in every week and listen. I tried to talk to them, but they communicate through sign language, and I don’t have anyone there to talk with them.” He cast his eyes to the floor, “I feel bad. They were brave enough to come to the group only to basically be ignored ‘because we didn’t plan well enough.”

Bucky smiled, face mask crinkling around his smile lines, “You could have just asked me to Sam. You didn’t have to blackmail me into this, of course I’ll help. When’s the next meeting?”

“This evening. You gonna be ready or do you need some more ‘me’ time.”

Bucky simply chuckled at Sam’s teasing tone, patted his shoulder making sure to squeeze just a bit too hard before retreating to his room.

“I’ll be there, Wilson, and I will look so much younger than you!”

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It was frustrating to you, going along to these meetings and not being able to communicate. You could always speak into someone’s mind but all that usually accomplished was a very paranoid person. But just listening to other’s stories really helped the grief from losing someone so close to you. You related to most of the people there and even though they didn’t understand you a lot of the time, you were always made to feel welcome- with friendly pats on the back and the odd tissue thrown your way.

You bustled into the familiar building with a new sense of excitement as Sam had promised to bring a translator for you this week. It was finally time to say your thanks to some of the people there and finally let the group know about your brother, so that it wasn’t only you that remembered him.

You all but ran through the hallways until you caught sight of a familiar smiling man. Sam was facing you, talking animatedly to another man, the strangers back was to you. He was tall, broad shouldered and dressed in a vintage looking leather jacket and rather well fitted trousers. Now the debate was: does the tailoring make the ass, or does the ass make the tailoring. You were halfway through the arguments on either side when Sam shouting your name disrupted the intense debating in your mind. You blushed at being caught, then blushed some more when you caught sight of the stranger’s face. Twinkling blue eyes under a deep-set brow should have made him intimidating, but he was smiling, and his face was dazzling. There was an immediate fluttering in your stomach.

“Hey, I’m Bucky.” Dear lord even his voice was nice, what made you smile even more was the fact that he signed as he spoke. Well, Sam certainly knew how to pick them well. “Sam introduced me; said you wanted an interpreter.”

You nodded as you signed back, “Nice to meet you, thank you for helping out.”

“No problem, Sam has told me a bit about you.”

“Good things I hope.”

“Okay I recognise my own name, you two better not be conspiring against me.” Sam piped up, to be honest you had forgotten about him for a moment.

Bucky laughed, and it sent a little thrill down you, he really was adorable.

“No worries, Wilson, just letting them know all your dirty little secrets.”

“Right, you two get in there, before you make me sleep with one eye open.”

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You and Bucky caught each other’s eye, his eyes were twinkling with mischief, and you couldn’t help the smile that overtook you. You had a feeling that the two of you would get on just fine.

The meeting passed easily. Bucky translated your signs and you finally felt like you could actually take part in these meetings. Everyone listened intently when you spoke of your brother and when you had thanked the whole group for being so open to you a couple of people shed a tear. By the end of the meeting though you were tired and very accepting of Bucky’s offer to walk you home.

It was a lot of side glances and hidden smiles and you walked side by side. Drawn to each other under the moonlit sky, it was nice to just be in the presence of someone who had such a kind aura. You spent the walk trying to work up the confidence to sign something, anything but nothing came to mind and Bucky seemed quite content to just walk in comfortable silence.

You soon reached your home, you turned to Bucky with a smile on your face and signed,

“Thanks for today, Bucky. You were really helpful.”

“No problem.” He signed back,

You hesitated slightly before signing, “Would you be happy to have a coffee with me, tomorrow?”

Bucky went a little red in the face, and chuckled, “I would love to, I know a nice place, real cosy. I’ll text you the details.”

“You know how to text?”

“Hey! I get enough stick from Sam, don’t need you getting on my case too. I’ll have you know that I am very adaptable.”

“Sure, Sure.” You smiled at his flustered tone. “I’ll wait for your text then, have a good evening.”

“You too.”

The two of you stared slightly awkwardly at each other, neither wanting to be the first to turn around. You shuffled your feet away slowing, smiling awkwardly once more at Bucky before turning. You heard his footsteps start to fade away as you walked towards your home. You were but three steps to the door when a large figure in a hoodie slammed into you, you raised your arms instinctively to block them when you noticed your shoulder was lighter. The bastard had stolen your bag.

You immediately took chase, chasing around the corner you just walked down but they were fast, faster then you at least. As you rounded the corner you caught sight of Bucky walking ahead. The thief wouldn’t stand a change against him. Without a second thought you cast your thoughts towards Bucky,

“Bucky! Thief! My Bag! Behind you!”

You saw Bucky flinch slightly then turn bewildered, his eyes widening when he saw you hurting towards him, chasing the hooded figure. He caught on and launched after the thief as well, with barely any effort he knocked the thief to the ground, grabbed your bag and whipped out his phone to call the cops.

Well, that was hot.

You took your bag back, immediately checking that you brother’s lucky coin was in the zippy pocket, to your relief it was still there. You looked up to see Bucky staring at you with a very puzzled look on his face. You sighed before casting your thoughts to his head once more,

“I’ll explain later.”

Bucky let out a strange, decompressed noise of shock, it made you giggle. The two of you waited in silence until the police came and took the thief away. The police car had barely driven away when he turned to you.

“Did you just, talk in my head? Or did my conscious just suddenly get really loud.”

“I did. Hi. Sorry about that.”

He waved his hands dismissively. “Believe it or not, not the weirdest thing I’ve encountered.”

“Well, that’s reassuring.”

There was an awkward silence.

“So,” You started, resorting back to sign language, it felt less invasive, “Still down for coffee?”

Bucky smiled, “One hundred percent. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Bye Bucky. Thanks for getting my bag back.”

“No problem, see ya.”

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The coffee shop that Bucky invited you to, was tucked away, it was the kind of place that you would stumble over on accident. With a simple door and a big window out the front, that lead soft orange light filter out onto the alley. There was the faint sound of jazz leaking out of the building, you smirked. It was such an old fashioned place, of course this was where Bucky frequented.

The bell tinkled slightly as you entered the café, where you were greeted with the smell of fresh coffee and baked goods. You caught sight of Bucky’s broad shoulders sitting in the corner, and you made your way over to him, smiling at the barista as you passed.

As if sensing you, Bucky turned to smile and wave. He was dressed in casual clothes like last time, but this time his hair was loose around his shoulders. You smiled back before settling into the seat opposite him.

His hands moved hesitantly as he signed, “What would you like? I can recommend their hot chocolate, its very warming/”

“Hot chocolate it is.”

You could tell he wanted to ask you a million questions but to his credit he walked slowly to get the drinks, he even took his time carefully carrying the tray of drinks back to your table. He placed a delicious looking hot chocolate in front of you. You watched as he took a sip.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1-

“So,” Here we go, “What is it you can do, you can speak in peoples’ heads, can you,” He lowered his voice and leaned in, “Can you read people’s minds?”

You giggled slightly, his eyes were basically sparkling, he was definitely nerding out about this.

You set the hot chocolate down before casting your thoughts to his head, “I can speak in peoples heads relatively easily, it’s how I talk most of the time to people I know. I guess you could call it Telepathy.”

Bucky’s eyes were as wide as saucers, “So you can’t read thoughts, only… speak them?”

“I like to call it casting, makes me feel like a sorcerer. I can read thoughts, but it takes a lot of energy. I used to be able to talk with my brother from across the house. That usually requires some kind of connection.”

“Oh, so like a blood or family connection? Do you have to know the person very well?”

“That certainly helps but it’s not always necessary. If I have a personal object that belongs to that person, something I can hold and connect to them it isn’t hard to make a two-way connection. Especially if that person is willing to open their mind.”

Bucky seemed to be caught in thought for a second. “So, if I were to give you something of mine, we could both talk in our… heads?”

“Well yes, but Bucky we have only just met. Letting me into your head is a lot. I try not to pry but sometimes I’ve found that thoughts just burst through. Let’s get to know each other a before that happens.”

Bucky smiled at you before speaking and signing, “You’re right. Let’s get to know one another. I find you fascinating.”

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It happened on the fifth date. Bucky was just walking you home after a lovely dinner at a small Italian that he claimed he went to back in the 40s. Just outside your door, under the glow of a lamppost he turned to you and took a deep breath before speaking.

“I know this may be a lot, but I wanted to give you these.” He reached around his neck and pulled off something silver. You gasped slightly as he held out his dog tags, immaculately preserved after all these years.

“Are you sure, Bucky? This is a lot.”

“I know and if you aren’t comfortable with it then just let me know but I want to give them to you.”

“You know what this means Bucky?”

“Yeah, I know, I just figured that you’re already in my head all the time anyways, just can’t seem to get you out of it.”

“You cheeseball.” You smirked at him before taking the dog tags and placing them around your neck. You gripped the cold metal for a moment, concentrating on the man in front of you. Taking everything, you knew about him and stretching out a connection, like a hand reaching out to clasp another.

“Testing, Testing, Testing, one two, one two, can my Telepathic partner hear me?”

You laughed, “Yes I can Bucky, you big dork.”

Bucky whooped out loud before sweeping you up in a big hug. The two of you laughing under the lamp light. His joy was infectious, and you couldn’t fight the smile off your face.

“Oh, we are going to have so much fun messing with Sam.”

“You’re evil.”

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Of course, the two of you made a pact not to tell Sam until he worked it out, which wouldn’t be anytime soon according to Bucky. It led to some very memorable moments and Sam refusing to play any form of card or board game with either of you because you always managed to win, somehow. Not to mention all the times you had spoken in eery unison around him.

“I swear, its like you two can read each other’s minds sometimes.” Sam threw his hands up in frustration at another lost game of charades.

You smirked at Bucky across the room, “Should you tell him, or shall I?”

“I think he’s been through enough, I got it.”

Bucky cleared his throat, “We can.”

Sam whipped around to face Bucky, a look of sheer disbelief on his face, “Seriously Bucky-boy, if you think I believe that after all-

“Hello Sam.” You cast your thoughts to him, in the creepiest old lady voice you could muster.

Sam yelped, before turning accusingly at you, “You better be joking around with me right now, I am not dealing with any kind of ghosts in this house.”

“Sorry! Surprise I’m telepathic!”

“You’re serious.”

You nodded.

Sam put his head in his hands and sighed, “Not the weirdest thing ever. Wait, does this mean you have been cheating this entire time.”

You both looked guiltily at one another.

“You owe me. That poker night, void.”

You both laughed, “We’ll have a fair rematch this time Sam.”

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It had been close to a year since you had made it official with Bucky and you were now much more comfortable around one another. He no longer just dropped you off at the lamppost but cam inside with you. You had spent many lovely mornings together sharing glances over steaming cups of coffee. Fighting each other for who got to spread their legs out on the couch, there wasn’t really a loser though as it usually ended up in sofa cuddles for both of you, while watching a film.

Life was pretty great, you thought, as you smiled down at the sleeping Bucky beside you. Finally reaching over to turn off the lamp and put your book down, you were finally reading the hobbit at Bucky’s insistence. As you clicked off the light beside you and settled down you noticed the faster than usual breathing coming from beside you.

“Bucky?”

You reached out, thinking he was awake but instead as you opened up your connection you caught flashes of night terrors. You were falling indefinitely, snow all around you, and in the distance, there were cries of pain, people pleading for their lives, there was gunfire and explosions. You gasped and took off the dog tags. You only gave yourself a moment to breathe before trying to shake Bucky awake. When it became clear that he wasn’t stirring you steadied yourself and settled your hands on his temples. You didn’t care you tired this would make you, you just wanted Bucky to stop suffering. You focused, offering out that hand of connection again, this time picturing it in the shape of a fist and, although it wasn’t subtle, you tried to shake Bucky’s brain awake. You forced your way into his dreams, punching through the dark fog that clouded his thoughts and almost screamed at him.

“Bucky! Bucky wake up! You’re dreaming my dear!”

Bucky woke up with a start. Tears flowing down his face, he stared at you blue eyes shining. No one spoke as he pulled you into his arms. You just breathed together for a moment, counting the breaths and the spaces in between. When he finally pulled back, you saw his eyes flicker with concern before lifting a hand to gently wipe under your nose, it came back red with blood.

“You, okay?”

You smiled sadly, reaching out to put the dog tags back on.

“I should be asking you that.”

“But you’re bleeding.”

“Occupational hazard.” You tried to subtly get rid of any of the extra blood. “That was pretty intense. Wanna talk?”

Bucky looked down to the sheets and shook his head. You smiled at him, tilting his head to yours.

“That’s fine, want me to go? Or would you like to cuddle for a bit?”

Bucky didn’t talk again, just pulled you gently down to the bed once more. Snuggling himself under your chin, resting his head on your chest. You felt his arms draw tightly against your waist. You pressed your lips into his hair.

“May I help you go to sleep? Keep the bad thoughts at bay for at least one night.”

You felt Bucky nod and let out a little sleepy hum of agreement. You closed your eyes, focused on your connection setting up a golden wall against the dark fog at the corners of his mind and settled into a deep sleep.

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You woke to the smell of fresh coffee and the clinking of cups.

“Morning.” You opened your eyes at Bucky’s voice and took the offered cup greedily. Your mind still felt hazy from the energy you used last night.

You felt the bed dip beside you as Bucky sat and sipped at his cup as well, hair a bit of a mess from bed. He had evidently only just woken up as well.

He took a breath, “I had some pretty interesting dreams, sweetheart.”

You stiffened, “Good ones I hope.”

“Don’t worry, they were good. If a little strange.”

“Strange?”

“I was watching myself most of the time.”

You snorted into the coffee, “Sounds creepy”

There was a slight chuckle, “Nah, I was watching myself build a home, a family- “

“Oh God Bucky.” You snapped your eyes to his, you knew what had happened. “I am so sorry my dreams must have stuck in your head.”

“Those were your dreams?”

“Yeah, its only happened once before but when the connection between two people is very strong, it can happen- I call it bleeding. Perhaps we should- “

“If the next words out of your mouth are take a break, I will spill your coffee.” You clutched your cup closer to your chest, “Truthfully, those were some of the beset dreams I have every had. I really loved them.”

You looked back up at him, hesitantly “You did?”

“And I love you.”

“Huh

There was silence as you stared at him in shock. His face as nothing but adoration as the sunlight filtered over his face.

“I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you too.”

They had arrested you originally. You didn't blame them, you were one of the most active members of the programme, You had lost count of how many instructions you had followed, how many targets you had eliminated and you had no doubt that the Avengers had your face on their wall of targets.

That was why, when the Winter Soldier aimed a gun at your head you just knelt to the ground as you watched your seniors begin to fight the other Avengers. You didn't say a word in the carrier back to wherever they were taking you. It was easy to hide behind a bravado of stony silence, to pretend that your entire existence hadn't just been ripped away from you.

That was why, when the blank faces of the Black Widow and the Winter Soldier, stared at you from the other side of the interrogation table, you felt a panicked warmth creep up your neck. They begun to question you about the other facilities and to their surprise, you guessed by the way they looked at each other as you talked, you spoke truthfully and honestly to them. You told them everything you knew.

"If I can stop anymore becoming like me, I will. Everything I know is yours, I won't lie to protect something so hideous as the red room."

Because for as much as the red room tried to convince you otherwise, seeing young girl after young girl die by another girl was not right. Not right in the slightest. The more you saw of the world outside of the Room the more aware you became of this, so by the time it was to end, you promised to do anything to help the Avengers take down the remaining branches of the Black Widow Programme.

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Around 6 months after you had been captured, you were settled into the avengers compound, much to your surprise. You had been there personally to help the avengers gain access to some of the branches and during those mission you had begun a strong friendship with Nat and a... a something with Bucky.

There was something about the gruff man that was so gentle that drew you in. The way his smile lit up when a certain song came on and the little dances he would do while brewing coffee made your heart flutter- despite how much you tried to convince it not too.

It was a nice life, in the compound, you mostly stuck to your room until you were asked to help on a mission, or if Nat asked to spar with you. You still had not gotten rid of the memories, however. These vivid memories haunted you, if you weren't keeping busy your brain would wonder to times before. To victims of the red room, and your victims, the ones you had killed.

Their faces didn't hover as much as their voices, every plea they made would ring in your ears whenever there was a moment of silence. They whispered from the corner of your room at night, nothing would stop them from filling the void of silence. This meant that sleep did not come as easily to you.

It was one of those nights. When every time you closed your eyes there would be nothing but whispers and your brain seemed determined to run through every memory you regretted. There was only one solution to these nights, a good cup of tea (with a splash of whiskey in). So you pottered over to the kitchen, footfalls naturally silent as you boiled the kettle. Tony probably had some fancy gadget that would do the whole process more efficiently, but the sound of boiling water was rather grounding.

Perhaps your focus on the water was why you didn't hear the figure walking up behind you until you felt a slight breath on your neck. Training and years of being on the run kicked into gear and you immediately whipped around to punch her assailant around the jaw, and kicked a foot out to trip them. The figure fell with a very familiar oof, one recognisable from training.

It was Bucky.

Oh god, it was Bucky. Kind, thoughtful, gentle Bucky who had probably come out to check on you. The same Bucky who made you coffee in the morning, that was now lying on the floor clutching his eye as you looked down at him. And then his face, his figure, was all your other victims. A woman in hospital garb, a man in a suit, a wife, a sister, a child. It was too much, you had to run.

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Bucky watched as they ran from the kitchen, he stood up from the floor as the sound of a door slamming echoed through the tower. He rubbed at his jaw, how could he have been so stupid. Sneaking up on someone who was struggling with PTSD and running on little sleep, he didn't think.

"You gonna get that?" Nat's voice was hushed as she offered him a hand up.

He took it, pulling himself up, pausing to think for a moment before walking hesitantly over to the door. He knocked as quietly as possible. He could hear the gasping sobs coming from the other side of the walls.

Nat hovered on his other side, staying within comfort radius in case she was needed.

"Heya Doll." Bucky started, as there was no sign of reply he continued. "You alright?" Still silence. "I'm sorry I snuck up on you like that, it was my fault, should've thought but as Steve would say, thinking ain't always my strong suit."

He caught the sound of movement, hesitant footsteps coming towards the door.

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You managed to control your breathing enough to shuffle over to the door. You placed your hand over the door, where you imagined Bucky to be leaning. Guilt filled your conscious once more and the apology flew out of you before you could stop it.

"I'm so sorry, Bucky. God I am so sorry."

"It's fine, Doll."

"No, no its not!" You were practically yelling at the door now. "I hurt you. What if one day I kill you? You catch me with a knife in my hand and I jump, what then. For crying out loud I can't even make a cup of tea without hurting someone, I can't do anything. I'm sorry, I am so sorry that I'm so useless and I-"

"Hey, hey, hey breathe." Bucky's calm and even tone halted your rant. "Listen to me. Everyone of us has had moments like that, we all have our demons and those demons sometimes cause us to lash out. I've done worse than punch Steve many times, would you call me useless?"

You sniffed as you shook your head, forgetting he couldn't see you.

"Besides," He continued, "We all have our strengths, we all have our weaknesses but you know what's great? We are a team. Where one person can't make a cup of tea, another can make the best brew in the country. You don't have to face these things alone, Doll. We are all here for you, I am here for you, always will be."

You slowly began to open the door as he spoke, and looked up into the most sincere pair of blue eyes you had ever seen. There was a slight bruise coming up below his eye but he was smiling. He was doing that smile that meant his eyes crinkled, twinkling brightly- like stars.

"I'm sorry, Bucky."

"You don't have anything to apologise for, Doll, but you're forgiven."

You crept forward, reaching out for something, someone and the easy smile that filled your face as Bucky's arms wrapped around you in the most comforting hug you had ever had. You felt the faint echo of lips against your head and you gripped onto him tightly.

"You two are adorable."

The two of you separated slowly at Nat's voice. Not completely, there was still the comforting feeling of Bucky's hand against your back.

Nat's face was softer than you had ever seen it and there was nothing but understanding in her eyes as she spoke. "If you ever need someone to talk to come knock on my door. I know I would have loved to have someone there who knew."

Unknown to Hydra the two of them had many late night conversations, back to back against the divide, whispering low enough so the cameras would not pick their voices up. They would share small details of dreams and memories, hoping that between the two of them they would be able to keep what kept being taken from them.

The two of them now sat, side by side, listening intently as they were briefed on the upcoming heist they were to complete. Apparently is was important to Hydra, as the General himself was there do instruct them. They exchanged a knowing look as the General began to grow red, he had a bad habit of forgetting to breathe when he spoke too loud.

"You are to enter through the roof ventilation, navigate the vents, Soldier you go to the security room, disable the cameras with this." The general all but threw a gadget into the Soldier's lap, causing the scientists in the room to flinch. "Eris you are to, reach the office, wait for the Soldier to disable the cameras, break into the safe and take the plans. It is likely to be guarded but that should be no issue for the two of you. Remember, No witnesses."

The two just nodded in silence.

"This mission prioritises stealth above all else, as long as no one knows who has taken the plans there will be no consequences for the two of you."

The pressure in the room fell heavy upon Eris' shoulders, not only could she not fail for her but for the Soldier as well. Whispered words echoed through her mind and she was determined to not loose them to the thieves that wanted them.

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They were sat opposite each other in the helicopter, hand gliders at the ready, dressed head to toe in slim tactical gear. Her metallic feet were covered in shock absorbing shoes that she hated. She was used to feeling the ground with the sensors on her feet, now she wouldn't be able to feel the vibrations of people and that felt wrong. She felt very alone, as stupid as it was she felt suffocated in these shoes. As if he sensed her distress the Soldier gently nudged her foot with his. She smiled under her mask at the sensation and slowly nudged back, it was a tender moment broken only when the pilot instructed the two of them to drop.

They were lucky it wasn't a windy day as they were relying on paragliders to land them safely on the roof. With a single nod, the two lowered their night vision goggles and jumped.

Flying was beautiful. The infrared view of the goggles let her see the forest below her and for a moment she felt like she was a robin from her dreams. She was flying through the air, free as the wind, flying towards something that looked like home. The Soldier's voice crackled through their comms.

"You look like you are having fun."

She turned to face him, his hair was flying behind him, the goggles covered his eyes but she could picture the small twinkle they had whenever he was slightly happy. She smiled, although he couldn't see and responded.

"I feel free."

Her freedom ended too soon, they were coming down to the target, they began to lazily circle downwards to land on the roof. The Soldier landed much more gracefully than Eris who caught her foot on the tail of the glider and stumbled in the landing. She threw a glare towards the soldier as he chuckled slightly. Before folding up the paraglide and heading towards the roof grating. The two worked in silent tandem as they unscrewed the ventilator and shimmied in.

It was a tight fit. There was barely enough room for their elbows as they started to work their way through the vents, heading towards the security room. Eris, although she didn't say it out loud, enjoyed the view from behind the Soldier. While she joked about it in her head, the Soldier's presence was an immense comfort for her as the sides of the vents pressed into her shoulders. They moved very slowly to avoid making too much noise. It felt like forever until the Soldier gestured that he was going to drop, she nodded and he slid gracefully out of the shaft.

As she began to continue on alone she heard the sounds of the Soldier dropping two men, after another two minutes there was a crackle over the comms,

"Camera's down, you're safe to go."

She steadied herself as the walls of the vents seemed to get closer and closer as she got nearer to her goal. Taking deep breaths she located the vent she needed to open and burst through.

As expected there were guards, three of them infact. She quickly kicked the nearest one in the head. He crumpled immediately to the ground. The other two began to raise their guns at her from the other side of the desk but she curled her legs and leaped over too them, vaulting over the desk. One fell with another kick to the head, the other fell with a swift punch to the gut and then to the neck. That was easy.

Eris turned to face the safe, it was a hi-tech looking box with a complicated turning system on the front. She grabbed the gizmo she had been given and attached it to the safe. It began whirring away, at a low tone. She kept her eyes on the safe as the knobs began to turn but kept her ears tuned to the door incase she heard anyone coming. While her ears were heightened she caught the whirring noise the machine was making heighten. It got higher and higher in pitch until it stopped. The machine stopped and there was silence for a moment.

Then a blast of blue energy and pain radiated up her spine and head. She couldn't help the shout as she fell to the floor, the last thought she had before she passed out was.

It had been a month since Eris had woken up. She had spent the month floating around in a hazy delirium of apathy. Any anger she felt towards the Soldier had faded the moment he let her hid his head . Now she just sat still, staring at The Wall when she wasn't training. Her brain felt like it was under a heavy layer of fog, she didn't know why, but all she was capable of doing was following the orders of those above her.

She would kill without blinking, only registering the sensations of her knuckles cracking whenever she hit. She forgot the names and faces of her targets by the time she went back to her room. Dr.Leeb didn't care. As long as she was getting the results he wanted, he gave no care to her emotional state.

The only time she didn't feel the same haze was when she slept. When she slept she dreamed in full colour. She dreamt of Robins flying in a flock through freshly falling snow, she would fly with them above unfamiliar houses dusted with snow. She would follow them down as she flew down into the street towards a specific house. A house with a red door. She would always wake up just as the flock landed on the ground. She always woke up peacefully from these dreams.

The other dreams were not as peaceful, they were filled with violence. She couldn't decide if they were memories or just her mind playing cruel tricks on her. The worst dreams were an out of body experience. She would watch herself as she killed whoever was put in a room with her, these dreams would end with her standing on a pile of bodies, emotionless and dull.

It was one of those nights tonight. Eris shot up from her bed in a cold sweat gasping for breath, she jumped as there was a knock on the door.

"Eris. Dr. Leeb needs to see you."

She stood carefully out of bed and over to the open shower, she didn't hesitate to strip and rid herself of the second skin of sweat. She pulled on her usual vest and shorts and padded over to the door. She knocked twice and the guards by her door opened and began to escort her down the now familiar corridors, her metallic footsteps echoed every step and she jumped as the sound was louder than she expected. Eris always felt so skittish after her dreams, she thought about talking to Dr. Leeb about it but every time she considered it he sniffed and any comfort she had was broken.

He was sniffing now as he stared at her from his side of the desk. He looked up at her with a strangely proud smile as he said.

"We have had a brilliant opportunity land in our laps, my dear Eris." He stood up and handed a cream coloured file over to her. "A heist, just to steal some very very important schematics for new weapons. Now normally I wouldn't be quite to excited about you being used for stealth missions- as we know Hydra enjoys using Eris to make a statement but here is the special twist." Eris watched with a careful eye as Dr. Leeb almost jumped in excitement. "You get the honour of working with the Winter Solder."

Eris flinched. She was certain the Winter Soldier would either not remember her or hate her enough to remember. She didn't want to think about the consequences he faced. But Dr. Leeb was so excited she didn't have the heart to question him.

"The down side of this, Eris, is that you will have to move away from me. You are to spend time with the Winter Soldier and his handlers to learn how to work with him. Now, Eris," Dr. Leeb came to stand in front of her and placed his handkerchief covered hand around her face. He gripped her chin and pulled her down to his level, "Do not disappoint me. This is a big chance for me."

Eris nodded as well as she could, Dr. Leeb nodded back and gestured to the guards. She didn't get a chance to speak before she was whisked away to collect her weapons. With the promise of clothes and necessities being provided over there she was almost thrown into a helicopter and was on her way to meet the Winter Soldier.

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He wasn't there to greet her when she landed, Eris wasn't sure if she was happy or disappointed by this. After all, he must hate her for what she did but she had never seen someone with such similar eyes to hers. She was swiftly escorted into the new facility and deposited into a larger room than she was used to.

The room itself was much longer than it was wide and divided in half by a see through material. She knew from previous experience it wasn't normal glass. There sitting on the other side of the divide was him. The Winter Soldier. He was sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the door of his cell, completely still. He was dressed much like her, a pale black vest and simple trousers. His hair fell loosely down his head, it shielded his side profile and cast shadows over him, he was intimidating. The metallic arm he had, so similar to her own legs, only added to his rather terrifying image. She flinched as the door behind her shut violently.

"Play nice." A threat came from the other side of the door.

As the sound of footsteps walking away faded into dense silence she sat on the edge of her own bed. She stared at the Soldier, she couldn't help it, he was just so curious. She felt like she could understand him in some ways but in other ways he was an enigma. Eris could feel a familiarity with the Soldier.

The two sat in silence for a long time. Both sitting stock still, she was at facing the clear divide, he was facing parallel to it. If he was uncomfortable, he didn't show it in his body language. Eris was far too awkward to begin a conversation, for all her training she was yet to master the social skills she knew was expected of her. Apparently the Soldier felt much the same as they didn't talk, even when their dinner came, even when night came and sleep called to them both. They just silently went to their separate beds and settled in to sleep.

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She was alone in the circular arena again. The familiar concrete where she had fought the Soldier. Adrenaline pumped through her as she waited for her opponent to show. He did. Like clockwork the Winter Soldier emerged and ran full throttle at her. She fought as well as she could, she would feel the bruises his metal arm left behind and the scratches of his dagger. It was always by a stroke of luck that she knocked him down.

She pounced, laying blow after blow to his face once she managed to knock him down. Her own knuckles crunched at the force of her blows. Only when she paused did she see the figure beneath her was not the Soldier but that of a young boy. The young, small boy who she had almost killed years before.

"Mummy? Daddy?"

His voice was so pained. She watched in horror as the boy rose, jaw broken and skull caved in, and begun to speak.

"Have you seen Mummy?"

"No." Eris whispered.

"What about Daddy?"

The boy was creeping closer, arms outstretched reaching for her.

"You aren't real."

She couldn't move, she was paralysed as small hands began to reach for her arms.

"Who are you?"

He was shaking her now, nails digging into her arm. Blood began to flow down her arms.

"Stop."

She couldn't move, she couldn't even close her eyes to stop seeing the mutilated child.

"Who are you!?"

"I said STOP."

"WHO ARE YOU?"

"I DON'T KNOW."

She shot up in bed with a gasp. She jumped out of bed, disorientated and almost screamed when there was a tapping at the divide. She turned around to see the Soldier looking at her with blank eyes. He must be mad that she disturbed her sleep. He cocked his head at her and gestured for her to come closer. She complied and mirrored him as he sat close to the divide. She couldn't meet his eyes, she felt shame at how she had acted, she was meant to be a perfect example of what Hydra could do. Yet she was crippled by figments of her imagination. So she rested her back against the divide, she felt him do the same and they sat there for a moment, almost perfectly back to back.

"I have them too." His voice was just as deep as she remembered but this time it held a gentler tone than during their fight.

"Have what too?" She was barely talking over a whisper but with their advanced hearing she was sure he could hear her.

"Nightmares."

"Oh..."

"Almost every night."

There was a moment where both of them held their breath before the Soldier continued on, he seemed hesitant.

"I dream of the past. What past I can remember and occasionally I get glimpses of the parts I don't."

"I dreams of the past too." She hugged her knees to her chest, resting her cheek against the cool metal before continuing. "I keep seeing moments that I know are mine and others that I feel like have been... stolen from me."

"Stolen?"

"Every time I meet an unknown face in the arena I know they are someone part of me has seen before. But the me that saw them has been taken, stolen."

"I see..."

They were silent once more. Eris was coming down from the adrenaline of her dream and was content to match breaths with the Soldier. He was oddly comforting.

"They've taken something from me as well." He too was only whispering.

"What?"

"My name. It's always on the tip of my tongue but I can't remember and when I do they... wipe me."

"The chair..."

"Yes."

They were silent again. Eris rested her head back against the divide and imagined that she could feel the warmth from the Soldier that came through the divide.

"What is your name?"

He didn't remember? "Eris."

"Eris." He was gentle with her name. It felt as if he gave it a new meaning.

"Maybe." She started hesitantly, "Maybe we could keep each other's belongings."

"Hmm?" The Soldier simply hummed in question.

"If we both remember a part of the other, we may remember it better. And remind the other of... what it is that was stolen."

The Soldier was silent for a while before he hummed in agreement. Perhaps if the two of them worked together they could both form their stolen identities.

"I'll wake you if you start panicking again."

Eris felt a blush come up her neck.

"Thank you."

With that she stood and returned to bed, purposefully avoiding the Soldier's eyes and curled up, comforted by the thought of someone there to pull her out of the arena.

"See anything interesting Doc?" Tony's voice broke Bruce's trance. "Seen any muggings? Street fights? You know, I once saw a pigeon fly down and steal someone's sandwich right from their hand, the whole thing." Tony came into view, two cups of coffee in his hands. His eyes sparkled with the usual joy but under it all there was the slightest hint of concern.

Bruce took the offered coffee cup. "Buff pigeon."

"Perhaps it was a tiny pigeon hulk."

Bruce huffed a laugh before sipping is coffee. "The Incredible Squawk?" Despite Bruce's attempt at humour his voice came out as bitter as his coffee. Bruce watched the steam slowly rise before letting out a broken sigh. "She would have been 24 today."

Tony placed a hand on Bruce's shoulder, there was silence for a while. He had to think about what to say next, "We'll find her, Bruce. We won't stop looking I can pro-"

"Tony." Bruce turned to face Tony, the bags under his eyes were deeper than usual. "Thank you for trying to cheer me up but, let's be realistic, its been 20 years. The truth is either she doesn't want to be found or never will be."

"You are aloud to be realistic, Bruce, but don't lose hope."

The two shared an understanding stare, Bruce looked like he was going to say something but was interrupted by Natasha entering the room.

"We have a problem."

"When do we not?"

"Funny, Tony." Nat approached the two of them, she was staring down at the tablet in her hand very intently, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. "A Russian diplomat was murdered at his safe house last week."

"And this concerns us how." Tony's tone was flippant.

"Because he as an informant for Shield but before he could talk he was beaten so badly they had to use dental records to confirm his identity."

Nat handed over the tablet to Tony who flicked through the photos of the crime scene. It was brutal. The guards that were put in to defend the diplomat were beaten to death, violently. It was obvious, even to his untrained eye, that whoever did this used their fists and no other weapon. Most of the guards had dents in their temples and some had broken knees. The path of the killer was followed by a nice trail of beaten corpses. Until they lead to the bedroom of the diplomat. Just like the other corpses, his body was beaten with blunt objects but unlike the others the killer really wanted to make sure he was dead. There was practically no skull that remains intact and there was blood everywhere. Tony blanched a bit and returned the tablet to Nat.

"What exactly do you want us to do? Bring a guy back from the dead?"

"No." Nat sounded tired, stressed, Tony kicked himself slightly for not being able to be serious. "We are being tasked for protecting someone we strongly suspect to being a second target." She turned the tablet around to show another angry looking man.

"Who pissed in his cornflakes?"

Nat ignored Tony. "This is Panin Rostislavovich, Russian ambassador here in America and more importantly mole for Shield. We think there is a large possibility he will be attacked at some point this week. Fury has asked that we personally see to guarding him. Something about improving relations with Russia."

"So, we sit in a room with someone and get paid for it?"

Nat just raised her eyebrow.

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"Getting comfortable there, Mr. Rostislavovich?"

Tony quipped to the stern man who was currently pacing violently up and down the length of the room. Normally he wouldn't have commented on it but his footfalls were terribly annoying and Tony was nursing one hell of a hangover.

"Would you be comfortable in this situation? Would you Mr. Stark." Tony fought the urge to roll his eyes. "When your colleague has been beaten to death in his apparently 100% secure and safe house!"

"Panin, buddy, listen- we are just here on a hunch no one said for certain that they were after you."

Tony made eye contact with Natasha and Steve who were standing guard by the door. They both shook their heads, no signs of intrusion at the moment. They were in direct contact with the guards outside the house and inside of the house, if Tony said so himself, this place seemed pretty impenetrable.

"Team Delta. Team Delta, report."

Him and his big mouth,

Nat's voice was panicked as she began to check in with all the teams around the perimeter of the house. She got more and more intense with each team name.

"No one on the perimeter is responding. Tony get him to the safe room, be ready to take the back exit."

"You don't have to tell me twice, come on buddy, let's not get you killed."

With that the escorted Panin to the solid metal safe room leaving Steve and Nat to do what they did best, beat people up.

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Natasha turned to Steve, he looked calm but the tight grip he had on his shield gave him away. The sound of fighting and violence started to be heard through the door.

"Hide and we get the jump on them." Nat whispered as she ducked behind one of the large sofas, Steve look up place adjacent to her. She began to count her bullets, double checking that she had enough ammunition.

There was silence for a moment.

Then a massive crash as the door flew off its hinges and into the wall behind Steve. She couldn't help the slight gasp that she let out as Steve slowly moved away from the rubble.

"I can hear you." A female voice, gravelly and harsh spoke in perfect Russian. It sent shivers down Nat's spine, Steve looked at her questionably. She just gritted her teeth and shot at the doorframe. She watched as Steve leapt out once she ran out of bullets. She reloaded as quickly as possible to cover Steve, as soon as she aimed her pistol over the couch she was stunned into inaction.

She could hardly keep track of who was hitting who as Steve fought the intruder. It was evident that this person was the same as Steve, they were a super soldier. Nat tried to find a pattern in their movements, an opening to fire a shot but every move they made was unexpected and chaotic. They were covered almost head to toe in black tactical gear, the only exception being their legs that reflected in the low lights of the room, metal legs? Whatever they were made of their legs were definitely strong as one well placed kick threw Steve back against the wall to joint the door.

Nat didn't hesitate to engage. Vaulting over the couch and throwing her gun by the window, she went immediately for a choke hold, swinging her legs over the other woman's neck. Nat felt some sort of pride as she succeeded to bring the intruder down to the floor, she squeezed tightly in an effort to choke them. Until the glint of metal over the intruder's fists slammed right into the back of Nat's knee, it didn't quite dislocate as intended but the force was enough to let the intruder get free.

The two women stood up once more and took a moment to size each other up. Nat realised that this woman was as tall as Steve and looked as strong. The bottom half of her face was covered in a protective mask and her hair was wild, perhaps from a previous scuffle? Now that Natasha had a good look she realised that both of the woman's legs were made of a shining metal, they whirred and clicked as she stood up. She glanced at Steve who was just beginning to stand up, clutching his ribs- the two exchanged a quick nod and together began to try and take down this new threat.

Unfortunately it was not as easy as either of them thought. Their opponent was brutal, unpredictable and yet seemed to predict every move they made. Steve would attack from behind and she was sidestep, only to throw a devastating punch at her. It was down right terrifying that one woman was able to take on both Steve and herself at once. Even worse was that this woman didn't seem to tire, while Steve and the woman were able to breathe normally Nat was beginning to falter. The intruder saw this and with one well timed switch kick Nat saw stars as a metallic leg collided with her temple.

Steve watched in horror as Nat fell, his opponent showed no sense of regret and did not hesitate to begin her brutal assault on him once more. Thrown by Natasha bleeding from the head it didn't take long for the woman to have her arms around his neck in a less than friendly way. Black spots danced in his vision, he thought this was it. He began to run through ways to get out of this but every time he struggled the edge of the brass knuckles dug deeper into his throat.

He thought he was gone until he felt her shift slightly and then let go of him altogether. He fell on the floor gasping and turned to see where the woman had gone. He saw her pick up Natasha's pistol and making a running leap out of the window. Shattering the glass into a hailstorm of chaos.

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Tony had little warning other than the sound of glass shattering and the violent bang of a gunshot. The man who he had previously been talking to about his plans for the future fell to the ground, a bullet hole directly through the centre of his brain.

Tony turned around violently to just catch the sight of some meta glinting under streetlights and a figure darting off into the dark.

Fury was going to be so mad at him.