Elliescent Affairs

Masakit magmahal.

Para kang umuukit gamit ang mapurol na punyal. Ngunit sa halip na iukit mo ang inyong pangalan sa bungad ng walang hanggan ay malalaman mo nalang na duguan kana, na sugat-sugat na pala. Dahil imbes na ikaw siya ang nag-ukit ng pagdurusa’t pasakit. Walang humpay ang pagsirit ng iyong dugo tulad ng agos ng luha mula sa mga mata mong mugto. Mapurol man ang punyal, babaon parin ito. Ang pag-ibig ay ganon, bumabaon. Maaalala mong lagi na ang tamis at pait, pighati at lugod, bawat pagpapala’t dinulot niyang salot.

Kaya’t huwag kang palilinlang.

Maraming magtatangkang magmahal sayo. Ilan sa kanila’y mamahalin mo ng todo. Sa pag-aakalang siya na ang para sayo, ang iyong pang-walang hanggan, magpakailanman.

Maraming pag-ibig ang ganito.

Na bubuhatin ka kapag baha para ang mga paa mo’y ‘di mabasa, ngunit sa huli’y lulunurin ka rin pala sa luha. Mga pag-ibig na parang pinupuri ka, sinasamba ngunit sa mata ng iba’y kinahihiya ka niya.

Tatanggapin mo ang bawat salita niya, para bang siya’y sugong propeta. Pero ang totoo’y ginagawa ka nang puta.

HUWAG KANG PALILINLANG.

Sinasabi ko sayo huwag kang mang-mang. Malaman mo sana ang kanyang mga tagong lihim. Na anomang oras ay maaari niyang gamitin bilang patalim para ikay saksakin. Maari ka niyang bugbugin sa dilim, gagawin mong tanging pang-alo ang pansariling panalangin. At ikaw si tanga dahil maniniwala ka ng matagal. Huwag kang martir. Pakiusap, huwag kang hangal.

Huwag mo sanang basta-bastang ibigay ang sarili mo. Pinanganak kang mula sa pag-ibig at kahit hindi mo man batid, may halaga ka. Isipin mong ginto ka. Mahalaga. Hayaan mong paghirapan ka niya. Ang tanging may karapatang angkinin ka ay ang karapatdapat. ‘Yong kayang magbayad ng sapat. Hayaan mong saya ang ibayad sayo. Ginto ka. Mahalaga. Hindi tamang magpakalugi ka sa barya.

Mahapdi ma’y masanay kang masugatan. Sa pagmamahal ay ganyan ang kalakaran. Sa pagmamahal ang masaktan ay pawang pangkaraniwan. Bagkos, ay hanapin mo ‘yong taong kung humingi ng tawad ay taos, kung magsisi ay lubos.

Ganito ang mahalin mo. Hindi ba’t sabi nga nila, sa panahon ngayon ang tunay na pag-ibig ay matatagpuan na lamang sa pamilya? Pwes, mahalin mo ‘yong pamilya na ang turing sayo. Mahalin mo ‘yong di ka pipiliting magbago. Batid na ‘di ka perpekto, ngunit tanggap ang tama’t mali sayo. Mahalin mo ‘yong kahit isang daang beses mo nang tinaboy palayo ay hahanap parin siya ng isang daan at isang mga daan pabalik sa piling mo.

Ang pagmamahal ay masyadong komplikado. Misan para kang nahagip ng rumaragasang auto.

Bababa ang nagmamaneho,

Lalapit siya sayo.

Tumakbo ka.

Tumakbo kang palayo.

Palayo, hanggang sa mahanap mo ang maglalakad kasama mo. Hanggang sa mahanap mo ang maglalakad sayo sa dambana. Titingin sa mga mata mo, at kahit na kawalan ang makita niya sa mga itim nito ay handa siyang mahulog kasama mo.

[This poem drew inspiration from Katie Pukash's "A Lesson on Love to My Future Daughter"]

About the candle:

Chandler: Twin Flame Candles PH (IG: @twinflamecandlesph)

Scent: [Love Jam - gourmand] This Valentines Special is a mix of fresh strawberries, sweetened shortbread, and vanilla cream. AMOY MONAMI!!!!! Like strawberry milk shake that's really, really creamy. Smells like puppy love! 💕

Wick: Wood

Vessel: Amber jar with black tin screw lid.

Performance: The cold throw is strong enough to fill my room. Its a very good mix of powdery, strawberry, milky, creamy gourmand. The hot throw makes is better! The scent even lasts for most of the day! My only problem is that its doesn't burn evenly. It's now pooling but very, very thing lang naman sa sides.

Final Thoughts: 9.5/10 awesome experience! Maybe this really is love ❤️ Interesting that I found Miss Chandler in a makeup group (colourette club) I'm looking forward to more scents from this shop 🥰

Si Eba,

Ginawa matapos ni Adan.

Binigyan ng katawan na babagay kay lalaki, tinawag ang kanyang kaanyuan na babae.

Si Eba

Na hinulma mula sa tadyang ni Adan

Hinubog para magsilbing katuwang, karamay, tatawagin nila siyang nanay at maybahay.

Ngunit si Eba

Minulat ng sanlibutan, sa isang kaisipan

Di hamak naman na mas mababa ka kaysa kay Adan.

Kaya’t kahit anong gawin sayo ay wala ka namang laban

Hinubog ng sangkatauhan, ginapos nang maging sunodsunuran

Kaya’t si Eba

Ang naging puntirya ng mga bwetreng hayok sa laman

Ng mga sinasapian ng kalibugan sa daan, nagsisitsitan

Kaya’t ang mga Ebang nailuwal ng mga Eba ay naturuan.

Naging haba ng palda ang pamantayan.

Kung ayaw mong mabastos sa daan, umayon ka nalang sa dikta ng karamihan.

Dinidikta nila na igayak ka sa kaanyuan ni Maria Clara, Eba.

Kababae mong tao

‘Siguro may pashat-shat ka pa

Kaya ka siguro na-“ano”‘

Si Eba

Binusalan, sinanay sa katahimikan

Katahimikang magiging kasalanan

“Ate ba’t hindi ka sumigaw?

Siguro ginusto mo rin naman.”

Patuloy na iniipit si Eba ng lipunan

Di ba’t panahon na siguro para si Adan ang turuan?

Adan,

Namulat ka sa sanlibutan

Hinele sa ibang kaisipan

Ang lalaki ay dapat na malakas

Naging pamantayan ng lakas ang dominanteng asal

Hinubog na halos walang bawal, pinatong sa pedestal

Adan, hinulma ka mang mula sa putik hindi ibig sabihing taglay mo na ang karapatan na dungisan ang aming kaputian.

Isa ako sa mga Ebang nailuwal ng mga Ebang naturuan.

Akala nila ang haba ng palda ay sapat na upang maging kalasag.

Nakapantalon ako Adan, nang akoy mahipuan.

Adan hindi lang si Maria Clara ay Eba

Maging si Magdalena ay Eba

Ako ay Eba

Ang iyong ina ay eba

Makinig ka kay Eba

Adan hwag mo nang pilitin pa na hanapin si Maria Clara kung tulad ka rin naman ni Padre Salving sasapian ng pagnanasa.

Ang hindi ay hindi at mananatili itong hindi hanggat hindi nasasambit ang Oo.

Mananatili ang kanser ng lipunan

Kung patuloy tayong magsisisihan, magdadahilan

Na Si Adan ay Adan

Ika’y dapat malakas

Ngunit nasaan ang lakas sa pagsasamantala

Eba, marahil nga ay gawa ka sa salamin

Kung kayat ‘di mapigilan ni Adan na gustuhin na makita ang sarili niya sayo, sa loob mo

Eba, gawa ka nga sa salamin kumikinang kahit sa dilim kaya’t ‘di mapigilang ika’y hipuin

Ngunit Eba, gawa ka man sa salamin

Hindi ibig sabihin na kaya ka nilang basagin.

[This poem drew inspiration from Sabrina Benaim's "Glass Girl"]

About the candle:

Chandler: marilagcandles IG: @marilagcandles

Scent: [Tala - woodsy floral] mix of amber, violet, and black currant

Wick: Wood

Vessel: Hand-painted cement pot with lid that could serve as coaster.

Performance: My first floral!!! I was so happy while opening this package! It even comes with a Tampipi Gift Box. However, the lid broke while it was in transit :(((( I can't blame the seller though, the packaging was REALLY SECURE. The cold throw is really good, sometimes I don't even want to light it because the cold throw is enough.

After burning it a fee times tho, I think the wood wick isn't burning hot enough. It has now pooled after a couple of burns and only a candle warmer could save this. :(((((

Final Thoughts: 6/10 amazing initial experience but candle performance is meh. I cant really smell the black currant but the mix of violet and amber is hood enough. Its smells like a very good relaxing candle. Imagine camping in the woods and looking up at the stars ✨

I have always noticed the smallest of details . I have always marveled at how the little things make up the whole. Similar to the way you graze your thumb whenever you hold my hand. A subtle reminder of how you refuse to let go. Every time you look at me thinking I do not notice, but I do. I always did. As if telling me I’m beautiful with out saying a single word. The way I’m held says so much. As if I am accepted for all I am, I’ll be and for all I am not. I have always found the little things endearing.

Like no matter how we keep ourselves guarded, raw feelings will always find ways to escape. No matter how much we hold back, the way we feel will always be evident in these little things.

But then I have come to realize that these little things are clues to the bigger puzzle of why we ended up the way we did. The little things will remain as bittersweet memories of an ended chapter. I will look back thankful but still with a bit of pain. I will keep these little things with me. The way the light hits your face in every dawn and sunrise but not in sunsets, which we never got a chance to see. In the way a song would play and you’d sing along to it while looking at me. You're a great conversationalist when you're not on your phone which was hardly ever. The way you were thoughtful of the people around you but sometimes not of me. The way I was held and kissed when I was remembered. The way you look at life full of hope but gave up on us. You know, the same song played on our first date and last. Like the universe summarizing our fate. Maybe we’re just both afraid of the great unknown.

We do not know what the future holds but if our paths never cross again, these little things will always be a part of me until I no longer need them.

About the candle:

Chandler: LightsandWicks (IG: @lightsandwicks)

Scent: Woodsy floral mix. Jasmine Wood and Vanilla. My mom said it reminds her of waking up in a banig and the scent of morning breeze and when your silingan is making sugnod the dry leaves 🤣

Wick: wood

Vessel: Amber jar with black tin screw lid.

Performance: Cold throw kinda meh but hot throw is a game changer! God knows I'm in love with this candle. Its such an unexpected find! My constant dilemma is that I love smelling it but I don't wanna finish it haha! This is a great relaxing scent and a very safe blind buy. The woodsy smell is actually very close to the scent of old books 🥺

Final Thoughts: 10/10 lovely experience. I’m very satisfied with this candle and its comparatively cheaper than my other candles. I love this so, so much! Good bang for your buck.

Minsan mong sinabi sa akin na ikaw yung tipong mahilig makipagsapalaran. Mahilig ka sa mga bagay na para bang sinusubukan ang iyong katapangan, parang palagi kang may gustong patunayan. Kaya’t naisip kitang samahan. 

 Sabay nating sinakyan ang biyahe ng buhay. Sabay nating tinungo ang tuktok ng mga bundok at halos mauungusan na natin ang mga ulap, sabay nating sinisid, nilangoy ang kalaliman ng dagat at inangkin ang mga alon, sabay tayong tumalon. Piniling kalimutan ang kahapon.

Sa tuwing natatakot ako ay naryan ka para hawakan ang aking mga kamay, marahang sisipol ng paborito mong kanta, sa tuwing akoy ay nagdadalawang isip at parang hindi ko kaya, bubulong ka sa aking tainga, ‘kaya natin tong dalawa, isa, dalawa, tatlo, handa? takbo.’

Minsan kong sinabi sa iyo na gustuhin ko man o hindi, ang buhay ko ay pakikipagsapalaran. Madalas akong nagkukumahog lumangoy sa luha kong sinlalim ng karagatan, madalas palutang-lutang sa kawalan, madalas tinitiis ang paikot-ikot na tsubibo kong emosyon at isipan. Halos gabi-gabi may halimaw akong bisita, mga multo ang katabi sa kama.

Ngunit ngumiti ka.

Sinabi mong ikaw yung tipong mahilig makipagsapalaran. Mahilig sa mga bagay na sinusubukan ang iyong katapangan at kahit pagkabigo man ang iyong maranasan sa hulihan ay ayos lang. Hinawakan mo ang aking mga kamay at sinipol ang paborito mong kanta. Sabi mo, ‘May papatunayan tayong dalawa,’ Kaya’t kahit na nakakatakot nang magpatuloy pa, isa, dalawa, tatlo, di man handa’y kinaya ko pang tumakbo.

Minsan sabay nating tinungo ang isang paraiso. Isa, dalawa, tatlo, handa, takbo. Pikit mata at walang pagaalinlangang tumalon tayo mula sa tuktok ng na para bang nagparaya, kahit saan na tayo dalhin ng pwersa ng uniberso ay ayos lang.

Ayos lang.

Ngunit pagdating sa baba, sa mismong pagtama ng malamig na tubig sa iyong mukha, ay parang napagtanto mo na nasa kanya parin ang iyong mundo. Hawak niya pa rin ang puso mo.

Minsan sinabi mo sa akin na ikaw yung tipong mahilig makipagsapalaran. Mahilig sa mga bagay na para bang sinusubukan ang iyong katapangan. Marahil hindi mo kinaya ang mga multo sa pagkatao kong sementeryo. Marahil hindi mo na malangoy ang mga luhang minsang naibubuhos ko sayo. Marahil ay hindi naging sapat ang iyong yakap bilang tanikala sa mga demonyong pilit kumakawala. Marahil hindi tumalab ang pagsipol ng paborito mong kanta laban sa ingay nila. Ngunit bakit parang ako ang nagkulang?

Hindi ako katulad mo na mahilig makipagsapalaran. Ang ating mga naranasan ay madalas ko lang nababasa sa mga librong lagi kong kasama. Madalas akong nagmumukmok sa kwarto at nakikinig lang ng lumang musika.

Ayos lang.

Ngayong gabi, muli ko silang makakatabi. Ngunit may bago sa mga multong ito. Gagayahin nila ang iyong maamong mukha, sisipol ng paborito mong kanta, ngunit imbes na gumaan ang loob ko’y matatakot ako sa kanila. Ngunit wala ka na para ako’y hawakan pa. Sisipol pa rin sila ng paborito mong kanta, maghahabol nalang ako ng iyong mga alaala. Pwede ba? Isa, dalawa, tatlo. Hwag ka namang tumakbo?

About the candle:

Chandler: Biene Lumiere (IG: @bienelumier)

Scent: (Sea scent) A very relaxing blend of white musk and bergamot. Honestly, this is how I imagine a Caribbean cruise would smell like. Its smells fancy and lux but at the same time really welcoming and delightful.

Wick: Cotton

Vessel: Amber jar with silver tin screw lid.

Performance: The cold throw is very faint. I didn’t really expect for this scent to be strong since its better for it to be subtle. Hot throw is alright although I smell the cotton wick burning along with the candle itself. Because the scent is subtle, the burning cotton wick overpowers it at time. My favorite thing is how the scent lingers in my room.

Final Thoughts: 7/10 okay experience. Maybe I’m just not a fan of the notes used. It did smell good but it felt...flat? Its good but I can’t find anything exciting about it.

There are monsters that we can’t outgrow, instead they grow with us. They take forms in painful smiles and laughter through tears. They reside in deep emotional scars. They learn to conceal themselves in each time we lie. Gradually, eventually, the lines become thinner, close to nonexistent and before we know it, we’ve been invaded.

Bliss are the times these monsters lie dormant. But more often than not, you can feel their presence, however subtle. You will hear them whisper doubts and fears you thought you had overcome or once never even existed. They will come unexpected and as horrible guests, they will disturb your peace. They will take something that was yours and spoil it. No more peace in solitude, only haunting. Your walls will shake, you will free fall in to a never ending abyss of their own making. Constantly grasping for air but finding that it’s always lacking.

I know this can be too much. So much, that sometimes it’s only reasonable to tear them away from you. That a scar is nothing but a small sacrifice. Sometimes it may seems like war and blood must be shed and you are always on the losing side. I do not blame you. I can never blame you.

The monsters I see may not be as terrifying as yours, but these are monsters nonetheless. So, when they whisper eerily into your ears, I hope you have arms to hide in from your fears, doesn’t really matter whether it’s your own or someone else’s. When there’s no where else to go, I hope you find solace in a home that is not haunted. When you feel like you’re losing for the nth time in a row and there really isn’t much to see ahead, let me speak out a prayer. For a little wandering star losing its embers. You are enough. You are here and needed be. You are worthy and so much more than all these monsters that have embedded into your being. You will make it.

Good night.

About the candle:

Chandler: Flame and Wax (IG: @flameandwax13)

Scent: It’s very likely that they scent me the wrong candle because I smell ZERO vanilla or coffee notes. This is probably the pumpkin spice latte variant that they also sell. The most dominant scent when I first smelled it was cinnamon and bergamot. The spice scent is very strong in this one but over time fades to a creamy, tutti-frutti mix.

Wick: Wood

Vessel: Black jar with default cork cup and free bamboo tight lid.

Performance: The cold throw is actually not bad and you get more creamy/caramel scent and less spice but its very, very faint. Hot throw… kinda weird. You can smell the wood wick burn mixed with really strong cinnamon and spice scents. I just feel like I could look past them sending me a wrong candle but the scents weren’t even layered well :(

Final Thoughts: 4/10 negative experience. The seller was very irresponsive and I have messaged them on various platforms to which they didn’t reply. The candle quality isn’t so good too. The wood wick is a bit too small for the 200ml jar. Tunneling happened after my third burn so I had to scrape some wax off and just save it for when I get my candle warmer. I am just on my fourth burn and the scent throw isn’t as strong as the first burn anymore :(

Baby, the world is ending and I’m scared for myself and everyone around me, so there’s a big chance you probably wouldn’t exist. But if you did, if I somehow got over my fears and became selfish enough to have you, then I’m sorry you’ll have me as your mother.

You see, I am not ready for you, I don’t think I’ll ever be. You precious being full of potential. You with your soft skin, your warm smile, your angel eyes. Just the thought of you makes me cry. I already love you before even getting the chance to conceive you and it would break my heart to see the world hurt you, because they will try, like they did to me and the women before me.

Despite this, I promise to never pass down my fears to you. Instead, I  will give you everything I didn’t get. I will wake you up softly in the morning, and sing you lullabies at night. I will teach you when to speak or when to be polite. I will teach you empathy and setting boundaries. I may not be able to teach you how to cook or bake but you will know how to properly communicate. You will learn how to express your emotions and get your point across without raising your voice or causing commotion. I will teach you with patience because I know you can’t possibly understand everything when you’re just five. You will learn what it truly feels like to live and thrive, not just survive.

You will learn what it means to be strong. Trust me, your mother is a haunted house. She knows how scary it is, during the haunting, when the walls shake it feels like you’re free falling, when the ghosts and demons trick you into thinking you are beyond saving. So when you find that there are parts of your mind that can get quite scary, you don’t have to worry. Your mother loves horror and murder mystery.

When it comes down to who you are, you won’t need to come out because you will never feel the need to hide. You can say “My mama taught me that my worth is never where my love lies” You will stand tall and look at the world with your brave angel eyes. I will teach you self-love and how to swim so that when the world has successfully found a way to hurt you, break you, you don’t have to drown your sorrows in spirits looking for love in all the wrong places like bottom of shot glasses, or in someone else’s caresses, you are self-sufficient and resilient, an embodiment of “women empowerment”

But this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t cry. Sadness isn’t a weakness. I will wipe the tears from your angel eyes, come into the arms of your mother, ask me life’s hows and whys and we’ll figure it out together. My embrace is your safe space.

Lastly, you may have my nose or your father’s angel eyes but you are you. This means, you don’t have to fulfill the dreams I didn’t get to realize. You are not an extension of me. You are free to be whoever you want to be. You will decide. This is my gift, this is the gift of life. Angel eyes, you will learn that your mere existence is magical. Stars had to die for you to be alive.

About the candle:

Chandler: IG: @happysmilecandleco

Scent: The moment I tore the plastic packaging open, I already smelled faint powdery and soapy notes. Although the vanilla scent is pretty faint.

Wick: Wood

Vessel: Black jar with tin screw lid

Performance: The cold throw is actually pretty good already, you get this cozy hotel room type of vibe. The vanilla scent came out more when I lit the candle. This candle exceeds expectations. I didn’t think it would actually fill my room but it did. Honestly, it smells like a warm hug <3

Final Thoughts: 10/10 AMAZING EXPERIENCE. The parcel was so secure. The scents are layered well. The scent throw is pretty good for its size (120ml). The package did take quite sometime to get to me but that’s understandable, considering where I live.