golden days

“So yer a mutant who hates mutants?” Kevin asked almost loudly out of discombobulation. “Whathefuck can you do?” he asked, pretending that the boy’s words didn’t hurt. He thought about their interaction over the class period, and felt more fear of the boy’s honesty than the idea of him as a villain who hurt others for fun. Because if he was being honest, this scared young boy, then it would mean that he wasn’t a straight-up violent psychopath. He wasn’t the Adversary Kevin had imagined all these years, dreamt about hunting down (not necessarily the boy next to him, but any of the men who had caused scuffles over the years of Kevin’s adolescence). Kevin was shaking his head, trying to understand what he was hearing, not wanting to believe an ‘innocent’ bystander of the bullies could actually be on the same side as the losing team. “Ya know, I don’ think about that day often, but when I do… I hate you with a seethin passion. It don’t feel right sittin here talkin to you.”

“No,” said Josh quickly, “No. Keep your voice down, okay? I don’t hate mutants. That’s... that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” But it wasn’t all that stupid. He’d incriminated himself to hell and back just by being in that alley with the Reavers, and had the roles been switched, had he been in Leather Glove’s place... Well, Josh would’ve likely come to the same conclusion. The thought made him shudder. “I heal people,” he said, almost desperately, as if the words would magically dissolve the tension between them. He muttered, “Like the kid in the alley...” He wrung his hands in his lap, not sure if that was worth mentioning. Not sure if he would even be believed. 

Josh had never dealt well with insult, and he shrunk at the other’s words. He was too defeated to fire back with his own scathing retort, and could only manage a half-assed, “Well, the feeling’s mutual,” before turning his gaze down toward his hands. Did Josh hate this kid? Just as the question came to him, so followed the answer: No. There were very few people Josh reserved hatred for; he didn’t even hate his abusive bastard of a father. But hate would be far easier to cope with, he was sure of it, and wished desperately he could bring himself to loathe the young man sitting beside him. But he simply couldn’t. 

“I’m a human boy, so, uh... no.”

Bobby swallowed, his friend’s guilt being evident as it was bothered him. Because Josh hadn’t done anything wrong, and besides there was no way for Josh to get it when Bobby himself didn’t get it. But before he could respond to that, he was completely taken up by the announcement, his brain whirling. As the second one rang out, bobby felt his eyes narrow. “Josh,” he muttered quietly. “Should we sneak out of class? There might be people out there.” 

Josh looked at Bobby, then he looked around the class at the panicked faces of their peers. “Yeah,” he said with a touch of anger. “Let’s go.” The attack on the bus had been horrific, but this invasion was worse somehow. It was a violation of their home and for many, like Josh, it was the only home they had. Everything he had ever loved, the only real life he’d known, lay within these great walls. And what did he have to lose? Death was no obstacle. He rose from his seat, careful to not make a sound, and started to sneak toward the door. Nobody stopped them. There was an unsettling silence out in the hall, an unsettling stillness, the kind that only occurred moments before an incredible storm. His eyes swept the area and then, deciding the coast was as good as clear, they hurried down the hall. There was only one thing on his mind. Find his friends. It was an almost morbid deja-vu. He turned to Bobby and whispered, “Let’s look in the classrooms. See if anybody needs help.”

Bobby grinned. “I actually meant do you have classes with her today, but I like where your mind went.” He wondered why he hadn’t noticed anything between those two before. Now it seemed so obvious, so clear. He’d always liked the idea of them being together but hadn’t seen any evidence of it maybe happening. He cleared hi throat at the question. “no. I uh, no. I’m not sure I want anything to uh…” He shrugged. “Truth is, Josh, I’m not… I’m not gay.” He made sure to keep his voice low, eyes shooting at him. “I didn’t make it clear the other night but I just… I‘m not…”

He looked up when Professor Lehnsherr’s voice came through the intercom. He felt his body tense at the words. He knew it wasn’t said but…. Could it be because of Clan Akkaba? He looked at Josh curiously.

“No, it’s all right. I get it.” said Josh. “Sorry for bringing it up.” God, he thought, wringing his hands, I’m such an idiot. The last thing he wanted was to make assumptions or upset his friend, and yet he seemed to do both in one fell swoop. Nice going. He was about to apologize again when Mr Lehnsherr’s voice rung out, as serious as always. Josh didn’t know what to make of the announcement. On the one hand, danger wasn’t all that shocking. Clan Akkaba had made their intentions plain as day and it was naive to think they wouldn’t, at some point, follow through. But Josh couldn’t imagine a threat as big as the Clan would be managed with a simple lock down... would it? “It’s probably nothing,” he heard himself say. But he found himself thinking of the mansion bombing a few years back, how caught unaware they’d all been, and his chest seized with fear. 

Bobby dropped his head onto his palm as he watched Ms. Darkholme write on the board, his elbow resting on the desk. Was this English? No, it was Math. It was a whole other language. He groaned to himself and looked at the clock. Would it ever end? He should be writing this stuff down. He could hear Josh’s pencil moving beside him but he couldn’t bring himself to write himself. oh well.

He looked over at Josh. “Oh uh, Power training.What about you?” He smirked before adding, “Anything with Kitty?” He knew he shouldn’t tease him but it was oh so tempting.

“Basic defense.” said Josh, and then again, blushed. This time at the boy’s second comment. “No,” he said. “Not yet, man.” He had made no progress with that sweeping declaration Bobby had suggested. Every time he so much as thought about telling her how he felt, the words caught in his throat. There was just so much that could go wrong. If she didn’t feel the same and he ended up ruining their friendship... Well, he wasn’t sure he could deal with that. Of course the alternative was tempting and almost made the whole risk worth taking. This was so stupid, he can’t help but think. Love is stupid. “What about you and, uh, you-know-who?” He asked, meaning Billy. The last thing he wanted to do was out his friend. “Any progress there?”

Bobby grins at him. “Do I have snacks,” he says back in a mocking voice. “Really.” He reaches into his backpack and pulls out an assortment of candy bars. “If you want salty I have some chip bags in there too. Maybe a pretzel bag. I don’t remember if I ate it or not.” Sometimes he liked to pretend that this was as complicated as his life got. That there was no conflicted feelings about Billy or John, that he wasn’t lacking the ability to turn into a giant ice man. But it wasn’t true.

Josh could only blink as his friend gave him the grand snack tour. How did he even have room for his books in there? “Thanks, man,” He said and took the 3 Musketeers. By the time he returned his attention to the blackboard, he was shocked to find Ms. Darkholme had moved onto a series of equations more confusing than the last. Great. Josh wished he could just throw in the towel, not care about grades, but his crippling fear of failure had him scrambling to scrawl down the numbers and symbols. His hand ached when he finished writing them all. 

Ms. Darkholme was wrapping up their lecture now and he was trying desperately to pay attention, but his mind kept drifting. He thought about last night’s episode of Miami Vice, of going back to bed, of lunch. But mostly he was thinking about kissing Kitty... among other things. And when he finally realized how dangerous thinking a thing like that was in a room where there could be telepaths, it was probably too late. He blushed. This really was getting out of hand, wasn’t it? After the heat had left his face, he leaned back over to Bobby and asked, “What class do you have after this again?”

MWF / TuTh

Block One ☆ ALGEBRA I / ANTHROPOLOGY

Block Two ☆ BASIC DEFENSE / BIOLOGY II

Block Three ☆ MUSIC / PHOTOGRAPHY 

Block Four ☆ COMPOSITION / INTERMEDIATE JAPANESE

Block Five ☆ LUNCH

Block Six ☆ BATTLE TACTICS / WORLD GEOGRAPHY

Kevin didn’t expect the boy to look him in the eyes, but he really didn’t care. If anything, it showed he had balls. Kevin was still fuming but took the moment too look at the boy. Goddamn, he looks sixteen, he thought. “So you like watchin people get hurt? Letting your friends kick a boy bloody?” Kevin was the first to break eye contact, sighing in revulsion. What did he want? A lot of things! A better fucking life, to start? Not flinching when people were around, being worried about hurting others; all the anxiety wore him out. Maybe the truth, but would he like it? How about for this brat to get the hell out. To walk out that door forever, quit school, go home. Kevin didn’t need a daily reminder about all the abuse mutants suffered, his friends which many were helpless.

“If you ever kicked someone who was down, then you deserve a lot worse than insults boy. I just…” He looked back at the kid. Was he trembling? Was Kevin? “Whattarya doin at a mutant school?” he hissed, giving this boy his desired confidentiality.

Josh looked at the other as if he’d grown an additional two heads. “I’m a mutant. Why else would I be here?” He sighed, threading a hand through his hair. Most of his dread had been replaced with frustration. “And they’re not my friends, all right?” said Josh, bitterly. “What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t stop them. My powers aren’t like yours.” The last statement came out thick and almost accusatory, though what he’s accusing him of he is not exactly sure. The killing, perhaps, but even in his fear and turmoil, Josh understood that Leather Gloves had been acting in self-defense. And it wasn’t as if Josh had mourned the loss of that Reaver. In fact, he had often thought it was a good thing he was dead. It disturbed him how easy the thought had come, how glad he was knowing that there was one less of those godawful morons in the world. But as he looked at the boy in front of him, he remembered his face in the alley, so seemingly devoid of remorse, so divorced from the awful thing he’d just done. Josh didn’t know what to make of it.