Me at social gatherings: *sneezes and makes a note of everyone who doesn’t say bless you*

Don’t settle. Don’t settle. You are worth 100%. Not 60%. Not 75%. Don’t settle for excuses. You will find happiness and it will be so much more than you ever imagined.

men moaning is basically the hottest thing a guy can do besides give you neck kisses

lets not forget when they whisper ugh fuck under their breath

or when they write me a check for $100,000

Put this in the MOMA

a year later this is still the funniest video on the internet and i can’t even adequately explain why

wow

I know I romanticize a lot of things but one day I’m going to vacation with the love of my life and eat tropical fruits somewhere beautiful. I’m going to wear a sheer dress and there will be no stress

someone: speaks louder than normal with a slightly aggressive tone me: here come the tears

men that annoy women to the point of anger and screaming and then laugh because they think its funny are uh fucking demons

the most painful social interactions are when you miscalculate someone’s meme literacy and reference something and the person/group doesn’t get it and u have to half-heartedly explain it knowing FULL well it’s 0% funny if people don’t have the full convoluted context of the joke and u feel the flames of hell start to lick at ur feet as they all give u a pity laugh