Conversation - Francesco Pirazzi , 2021.

Italian , b. 1994 -

Jan 5, 2018. 12:48 am.

I married the person who sent me this. We got back together in February 2018 because he really didn’t give up. He contacted me any way he could after he told me to block him. He showed up at my house 4 days later with a birthday gift I mentioned wanting months before. He proved that he listened to me and that he wouldn’t make the same mistake as before. The events leading up to this message. He didn’t take no for an answer.

The last 5 years were a lot. For both of us. We moved in together in 2019. In 2020, he was in a work accident that required surgery and was a 3-month recovery. I washed his hair for those three months. He started college and I supported him through it all. His 60hr work weeks. His 20hr work weeks. And he supported me. I experienced panic attacks for months in 2020 and he calmed me down, listened to my concerns, and took me to the hospital if I wanted. We got a dog together. And then got engaged last year.

We married on August 20, 2022. There was not a person in the world I would rather be with. I felt secure. Like this was where I was supposed to be. That there was nothing we couldn’t work through.

Two months later, he cheated. I was devastated. Heartbroken. Blindsided. We decided to try to make it work. But 4 weeks later, on Thanksgiving, he did it again.

And now he wants a divorce from me. After everything. He wasn’t even willing to work on it after people found out. He doesn’t want to be the villain and me the victim for the rest of our lives.

I should be strong enough to be the one walking away but I don’t know which way us up. I feel like my entire chest and head has suffered blunt force trauma. I feel like I can literally just crumble and scatter like the fall leaves, it is so physically painful.

I just can’t figure out what changed - the person who sent me this sounded like they were giving up. But he didn’t. Now my husband doesn’t want to even try.

I moved out in December. But let him live with my rent free on my couch until my roommate joined me in February. We slept together two times after this, in January. He changed his mind and thought maybe we could work it out. I helped him find an apartment to move in to, he chose the one right across the alley. I thought this could be good if we were coparenting the dog, if we were working on things.

Things didn’t work out once he moved across the alley. Things weren’t the same. There was blocking. Ignoring. Nothing for weeks. Then he showed up at my door again asking for a divorce. I gave it to him, maybe not gracefully, but I didn’t fight it.

I cried when signing the papers. In colorado it takes 90 days for judge approval. I thought as long as it wasn’t finalized then it couldn’t be over over. He never reached back out. He got a girlfriend and forgot about me.

I got my wisdom teeth out. Applied for a job in another state and got an offer that I refused. I went to bonnaroo for the first time! I camped with my little sisters and my best friend. I had an amazing summer. I walked to hot yoga every Thursday night. I went on all the walks. I saw my family a lot. Went on hikes. I got a raise.

By the time I got the divorce finalized order in august, it was about time to move away from him. I didnt even cry like when we filed 90 something days earlier. I kept seeing him and his girlfriend in the neighborhood the last few weeks of me living there. I decided I was maybe ready to start dating too. For fun!

The first couple were meh. Then i had a weird hangout with a hot guy. It was the most awkward thing I’ve ever done but I was intrigued. I had a few more first dates with other people. Including a girl who got me flowers and I cried. A boy who went to a pop punk concert w me and didn’t even know the artist lmao. I was having a lot of fun! I wasn’t expecting a lot because they say men in Denver do not commit and only want to hangout casually. The hot weirdo from the hangout? He was the first person I slept with after my divorce. September 22! And by Oct 22 he was asking me to be his girlfriend. I just got back from New York w him. I met his mom a couple of weeks ago. He met my friends last week. Things are going well. Maybe. Idk. I’m having fun.

So much do that it is weird to remember me from a year ago crying in the park. I didn’t know what else to do. So I went on long walks with my dog and laid in the sun for hours. I cried. I cried so hard for months. I was disgusted at the idea of ever being with anyone again. I thought I would be celibate with my girls forever. Lol.

I value my friendships so much more now. I love the people who lifted me up during this time. My sister who forced me to go to the parade of lights with her and her family after finding out things about my marriage and crying for days. I was able to get out of the house and that saved my life. My best friend who moved cities to be my roommate. Went to hot yoga w me on Thursdays. Took in my doggy as her own. It saved my life. My mom who was brutally honest about everything but always there. My dad. My sisters who went on these trips with me. My brother who sent me the funniest videos when I needed them. My old friends I was able to reconnect with. It saved me. I am forever grateful for these people. I sm forever grateful for myself. I’m grateful he left and didn’t look back. He made it easy for me that I had no other choice. We didn’t get stuck in the cycle for longer than we were in it. All because he did not look back. So thank you Peyton and thank you new girlfriend.