Eko Ile

Today, it was a random moment as I walked briskly into the women's bathroom at work. I looked at my quick reflection in the mirror. I saw the way my hair had lost that smooth look from when it was newly shorn. In its place, I saw the un-smooth look, the unkempt look. I saw what I call the ugly phase. I really just don't like my hair right now. The last time I grew out my hair, at this point I was always with hair extensions in. My options ranged from braids to weaves. Now, I am tempted all the time to get a wig and hide my hair.

I consider this in some shape a form of self-hatred. Maybe I have not overcome my days of looking in the mirror and seeing straight hair. Maybe just like I am overly critical of my body, maybe I am overly critical of my hair. As I am disgusted often by my curls, I am often excited looking at natural hair on other people. I look at the way they have figured out how to finger comb the hair so that the uneven peaks of their curly hair looks like an intentional statement and I am jealous. I had that moment today I stood at the train station waiting. The problem is not my hair. The problem is me.

When I think about my relationship with my hair, I can see the connection to my sense of self. I am never quite happy with myself because I never quite feel like I am enough. Although I have two Masters' degrees from amazing schools that I worked hard for, sometimes I feel like I am not educated enough. Like I need to study mathematics or get a PhD to feel like I can hang with the best of them. Or I need to learn to code. It is the same with my body. I feel like I need to be thinner or be a runner or become a flexible yogi to show that I have impulse control. I constantly feel like I am trying to be prove I can be more. Like I am afraid to acknowledge that I am enough as I am. I am enough.

I recently had a birthday and I think I have come to a point where I realise that I don't need to grow into anything more. My promise to myself this birthday year is to pick up no new skills. Yes, I am going to focus on developing the skills I already have. I don't need to focus on losing weight. I need to focus on dressing my body better and eating better within reason. I don't need to have that amazing hair I see on others. I don't need to be anything other than what makes me happy. I need to grow into who I am. I am enough.

No, I don't work in a school. I am what would be referred to as a trainer at a retail company. The way I like to describe it to enquiring minds is "I am a customer service professional for the customer service professionals." No, I don't work in Human Resources. I occupy a unique position at work because my mission everyday is to help the other people at work have an amazing day.

In the short time that I have been on my job, I have found that what makes me wake up and gleefully proceed to work is the way the team members are surprised everyday when I say 'Good Morning!" or when I randomly walk over to give them a high five just for being there. And I am still surprised that this is my job.

Of course my work is not all about cheering people. There is the more "serious" part of my job that involves getting knowledge out. That can seem tedious because I have to balance my need to train with departmental goals daily. I negotiate, I cajole and I am sneaky when I need to be in order to get my training goals accomplished.

When I get really frustrated though it is never for too long. Someone always makes me smile by being appreciative that I am there. 

One of the most challenging parts of job is inspiring my "students". One thing that I notice is a huge hindrance to their learning is their past unsavoury experience in the class room. I had one of my "students" tell me recently that he started hating learning when he was still in elementary school and got called a 'liar' by a teacher over a pair of scissors. This incidence in his childhood shamed him so much that he now despises learning.

Listening to him and watching the attitudes of so many of the people I have to reach everyday, I realise that perhaps the biggest failure of any educational system is the failure inspire students to keep learning. When I compare attitudes here in Boston to my students' attitudes in Nigeria, I recognise a universal truth. Teachers play an important part in shaping attitudes towards learning in later stages of life.

I believe the oath "Do No Harm" that is adopted by doctors should be taken by teachers as well. Do no harm to your students' confidence in the classroom. Do not use shaming as disciplinary measure. The very careless way that teachers speak to, and approach, their students sometimes do more harm in the development of the students' attitude and confidence as a learner than failing a test ever will.

To fail a test is different than to be considered a failure. To fail a test a temporary state of being that is confined within a situational context. To be a failure/incapable is a label that can be so burnished into a student's sense of self that it becomes the very thing that impedes any success/capability. 

i recently started a new job. Well, recently is a bit of a stretch but I did start a job in the past month or so. After being unemployed for so long, it has taken some discipline to readjust to having a routine. It has also taken some getting use to the level of responsibility that comes with the job.

The truth though is that I love my job so I have no complaints to rant about here. It is everything I want at the moment so I am making a conscious effort to enjoy everyday and not let the weariness engulf me.

In the past month or so though, I feel like my whole world has been all about the new job. And for that I have been immensely grateful. However, I have come to a point now when I am not so tired at the end of the day and I see a space in my life for other activities.

Last week I put up a video of my experience opening up the box that I had received from Plated. This video is a review of my experience making the Herb and Mustard Salmon.

My sister and I share a love of fashion. We are constantly exchanging images and inspiration. She sent me a link this morning that made so excited about clothes. The link was for an article on De-Mes'Tiks NY, a line by Reuben Reuel. The image above is from his new collection. I visited his Etsy store and I fell so much in love with his aesthetics. The clothes look so vibrant because of the vividness of the prints. I knew I had to share it here.

The syrup is based on a drink I grew up with in Nigeria, Schweppes Bitter Lemon, that is very citrusy with a residual bitter after-taste. For a sweet loving person, seeking a bitter taste may seem weird but bitter can be good as part of a multi-layered experience. I added the ginger to add a kick at the back of throat. I figured by adding layers of sensation to a drink it makes it more interesting.

Recipe for Lemon Lime Ginger Syrup

1 Lemon

2 Limes

1Ib Ginger Stem

1 cup of Sugar

2 cups of Water 

Basil (to Serve)

Instructions

Rinse and slice the lemon, lime and ginger before adding it to a clean pot. Add in the sugar and water before bringing to a boil. Turn off heat and let it seep for 30 minutes. Then strain out the citrus and ginger from the syrup. Allow the syrup to cool down before using. 

To serve as a drink, I recommend mixing 1 part syrup to 3 parts water over a glass of ice with torn up basil leaf. You can use sparkling water as alternative to still water I prefer.

I have had this boneless chicken breast in the freezer for what seems like ages now. In the recent past, I have been eating the chicken breast on bone because I find it more flavorful. However, this past week I finally figured out how to punch up the boneless chicken breast by stuffing it. I was staring at my basil plant and I realised what I wanted to do was stuff the chicken with a pesto-like paste. This recipe will also work for chicken on the bone or whole chicken. Here is an approximation of my recipe below.