fix your hearts or die

it’s ’cause you’re always on that damn time loop

(guy who doesnt even like dating) ok well does anyone want to get entranced by my whole deal or no.

taking a break from my mental health to focus on watching a tv show

Somehow being a person does not come naturally to me

NEVER HEAL indulge in self sabotage romaniticize self isolation ALWAYS QUIT reject your potential never break the cycle let the curse win

before there were blorbos there were little meow meows and before there were little meow meows there were cinnamon rolls

puts my uncomfortably wet hand on your shoulder. see here, gay boy- can i call you gay boy?

a friend with a boyfriend is a type of dead wife

Being pro gay means being pro drunk diving because what if a scientstist discovered that drunk driving makes people gay.

overheard in the coffee shop from a middle aged gay man to his (female) friend: “are you embarrassed? about being foolish? please manage yourself better in this situation. this man is not behaving as if he is interested in you.”

“he’s evil. like jeff bezos. Do you understand.” and she’s just nodding with eyes downcast in shame

i forgot to add this until now but after the gay guy was done scolding his friend and they left, their table was taken up by an aging european twink telling a wealthy-looking bubbe with increasing distress about how much cold cut meat he’d eaten the night before and the funnier she found it the more distraught he got about his nighttime deli frenzy

he was like [completely unidentifiable european accent] after you went to bed. i ate ze ham. and ze mortadella also… and. also the prosciutto. no stop giggling at me zis is not funny it was 500 grams each. i ate 500 grams of ze ham and 500 grams of ze mortadella and 500 grams of ze prosciutto and that is ONE POINT FIVE KILOGRAMS OF MEAT !! I ate so many meats!!! Stop giggling at me i am going to be fat!!!! I even ate ze cheeses!!!

so many people are tagging this with some variation of “that coffee shop was full of such interesting people i wish i could go somewhere like this to people watch” and as a seasoned eavesdropper i need you all to know that people are this weird wherever you go. recently my gf and i were observing a gaggle of real estate broker bros hopped up on stimulants pacing around like caged tigers and performing homoerotic rituals through the proxy of their iced lattes and it wasn’t even 10am on a tuesday. the world is a beautiful place full of intricately bizarre human animals waiting to be studied

Deeply love imaging a world where Mary is cool with Frank rubbing stomachs with Tim because she loves him too but she still leaves Frank since he's so married to the job even indulging his latent homosexual tendencies doesn't change that. So when Mary begs Tim to return to being Frank's partner it's not just out of concern for Frank but also out of affection for Tim.

sometimes i think love triangles should be resolved by polyamory but badly like everyone’s still mad