Dinner was nice. Steak, peas, and mashed potatoes. It’s the type of meal that would leave anyone in a food coma. Yet Wyatt is wide awake. He has been twisting and turning in bed for the past hour, chewing on his cheeks and picking at his nails. Tony can hear everything. He’s been awake too. Not from the sounds of Wyatt tearing away the flesh on his cheeks but because he wants to be awake when Wyatt tells him what’s bothering him. He’s been like this since dinner, gnawing more on his nails than his steak.
Wyatt’s gotten better at talking about his feelings. If a waiter at a restaurant got his order completely wrong he wouldn’t even say anything. If someone cut him in line he would stand completely silent. He still does but he talks to Tony about it instead. Tony will tell the waiter that Wyatt ordered spaghetti, not a burger. Tony will tell the line-cutter to go to the back of the line. Tony would have fought the fucker when he decided to push him but stopped when he noticed Wyatt was chewing on his cheeks. Tony has come to know that Wyatt starts to bite his cheeks when he gets nervous. That and he starts to stutter even more when it gets worse. Wyatt is Tony’s anchor. Sometimes his emotions get the best of him and Wyatt reminds him to take a breath once in a while.
Wyatt pulls the covers up to his chin. He quickly glances at Tony and waits for a second to see if he is asleep (he’s not and he knows this). “Tony?”, Wyatt barely whispers out. “Yeah?” Wyatt pulls the covers down as Tony shifts over and faces him. “I’m ner-nervous for tomorrow.” Tony smiles and places his hand on his cheek. He’s been sweating, his face is sticky and clammy. Tony doesn't care, he brushes his thumb on the side of his face. Wyatt isn't looking at him in the eyes, it doesn’t bother Tony, he knows he’s paying attention. “Mi amor, there is nothing to fear. I promise sunshine. I will be ok, just a simple meeting.” He smiles softly and takes his hand off his face.
Their eyes meet. Wyatt is scanning Tony’s face while gathering his thoughts. Tony's hair curls at the ends, one of Wyatt’s favorite things. He always tries to slick it back like one of those greasers but Tony’s hair rebels and a small clump always falls out. Wyatt loves it.
He is still scared, his mind is racing. Tony is meeting with some “rival” gang leaders to discuss getting more supplies and resources for the “gang” he runs. (Tony’s “mafia” as he calls it is a group that includes him, Ema, and Zev that take care of queer teens and adults). Wyatt’s eyes snap back to Tony’s. “What if you get sh-shot? What if-” He stops himself, the thoughts in his brain racing too fast for him to process. Tony laughs sarcastically, “What, you think a bullet will stop the mighty Tony?!” He smiles and Wyatt is chewing on his cheek again, he can taste the blood by now. Tony sighs and they stare at each other. “Hey, when I get home, why don’t I grill up some burgers like we did on the 4th?” Wyatt stops chewing on his cheek and smiles. “Fries too?” Tony chuckles. “Fries too.”
Wyatt wakes up and Tony is already gone. It’s their anniversary, February 13th. Just a day before Valentine’s Day. He reluctantly gets out of bed and puts on a sweater. For the next couple of hours until around 6 pm, Wyatt wanders around the house. For the first couple of hours it was fine, he ate breakfast, read a bit, and cleaned. By 6 pm he was getting worried. Tony was supposed to be here by 5 for their anniversary dinner. “Maybe the meeting is just running longer than he said”, Wyatt thinks.
It’s 9:34. Wyatt is pacing around the house chewing the healing wound in his cheek from last night. “It’s ok, they’re just running late.” Wyatt walks to the kitchen and makes himself some tea, a trick that Tony suggested he does when he’s not around. He can hear Tony’s voice in his head, “Whenever you start to feel all freaked out, you can make some tea. I know it doesn't really help all that much but just imagine the warmth from the tea is a big hug from me!” Wyatt smiles and starts to calm down.
Wyatt checks the time. The clock reads 9:47. The moonlight is passing through the window blinds. A long sigh comes from Wyatt’s mouth as he sips his tea. There’s a knock at the door. Wyatt’s eyes shoot up from his cup. “Tony!”, he shouts as he slides the mug on the counter and races over as he almost trips over the couch trying to open the door. He unlocks the door and swings it open with such force that he bumps himself in the head. He’s dazed but as he opens the door fully he says, “Tony! I was worried you got hurt or something!” At the door are Ema and Zev. Wyatt’s face drops, “Oh. Did To-Tony invite y-you guys over for din-dinner?”
There’s an overpowering silence. Zev puts his hand to his mouth and chokes out a small cry before he walks away. “I can’t do this, I can't.” Wyatt watches him and hears him sob as he walks away. His head shoots back to Ema. “W-w-what what-what what hap-happen-happened.” His eyes are big and glossed over. He can tell something is wrong. Ema looks at the floor. “He-…I-…” She looks up at Wyatt and grabs his hands. “Wyatt…I- I..”
Her eyes start filling with tears and even though she’s wearing pitch black sunglasses he can tell because big globs of tears start to stream down her face taking her mascara with it. Her legs start to wobble as she falls to her knees. “Wyatt I am so so sorry. I am so sorry…” She starts to sob. “I am so sorry Wyatt…” Wyatt takes his hands from hers. “What.” He is staring down at her on her knees, her sunglasses off and her hands over her eyes to shield her from his gaze. He already knows.
“Please…Ema…don’t.” He takes a step back. Ema stares up at Wyatt. “He’s dead Wyatt. We tried to- there were so many bullets, he…” Wyatt's heart is racing. “No! No! No! NO! NO! NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO!”
Wyatt is shrieking as he races back into the house. He falls to his knees and crumples as he holds himself into the fetal position. He’s pulling at his hair, chewing his cheeks, clawing at his face. “God! WHY! NO!” His words are barely audible as he sobs and chokes on his own spit, the air getting caught in his throat as he screams.
Wyatt covers his head with his arms and curls up tighter and just screams while he cries. Ema gets up but she’s still sobbing. She knew how he would react yet she was not prepared for it. How do you prepare yourself to tell your best friend's soulmate that they’re dead?
Ema takes off her heels and puts them at the door as she walks over to Wyatt on the floor. She lays down next to him and runs her fingers through the rug as she cries. She wipes the tears off her face and they stain her hand black with mascara.
Zev is in the doorway. Ema turns to look at him. He’s pale, she can tell he threw up. He sucks in his bottom lip and takes off his shoes. With a small sigh, he walks to the kitchen for some water.
Wyatt is still shaking and sobbing, repeating no like it’s a mantra that will change time and bring Tony back. He’ll wake up and Tony will be sleeping soundly next to him, it will all be a nightmare. The blood from his cheeks start to drip on the carpet.
Ema brushes the hair from his eyes and picks him up. (Wyatt isn’t light, Ema is extremely strong.) She wraps her arms around him as his head rests in her lap, she doesn’t even care about the blood starting to trickle down her skirt.
Wyatt is still crying and picking at his face. Zev comes over with water. He starts to hand it over to Ema but she shakes her head and mouths, “Not yet.” Wyatt is still crying in her lap but no tears are coming out. He is heaving out loud sobs as he lays there barely moving. Zev takes a seat next to Ema and rests his head on her shoulder.
It’s 10:13. The three are still sitting on the rug huddled together. Wyatt is sitting motionless, small whimpers coming from his mouth. Ema’s skirt is damp from his tears, spit, and blood.
Zev lifts his head from her shoulder and stands up, slowly dragging his feet to the table where he left the glasses of water. He comes back over with one, which Ema grabs. Wyatt's hands are flopped over her knees. “Wyatt…please drink some water…” He sits there and doesn't respond. Zev scoots over to him and rubs his back.
“Wy. I don’t know what to say other than I am sorry. I’m- We are-” He flicks his head away as he starts to cry again. “God Wy, I don’t know what to say.” Wyatt mumbles something. “Wyatt, why don’t you sit up and drink some water.” Ema runs her fingers through his hair and starts to prop him up. Wyatt repeats himself, louder this time, “I-I-I ap-p-appreciate you g-guys.” His eyes are puffy and his cheeks are smeared with blood.
Zev grabs his head and hugs him, resting his chin on his head. “I wish we could do more, I’m so sorry.” As he hands him the water Wyatt makes a small whimper. He takes a few gulps of water and gives the glass back to Zev. He tucks his knees in and places his chin on his knees. It’s quiet. They sit like this for a long time, neither of them wanting to make him move.
It’s 11:32. Zev fell asleep on the rug and Ema’s eyes are on Wyatt. She’s been watching him this whole time. Somehow today she lost two friends. She shifts over to Wyatt and rubs his back. “Hey. I think we should all get some rest. We’ll stay with you…if you like.”
Wyatt lifts his head from his knees, the bumps from his pants line his face with red marks. “I wou-would like tha-that that.” Ema smiles and places a kiss on the top of his head. The two of them walk to his bed.
“If you need anything, Wyatt, Zev and I will be down the hall, okay?” Wyatt doesn't say anything as he stares at the empty bed.
“Goodnight Wy.” She leaves the door open and the sounds of her feet fade out as she walks away.
It’s 11:43. Wyatt is in bed now, he stood at the side of the bed for quite some time after Ema left. He is staring at the ceiling, refusing to look at the empty dent in the bed next to him where Tony would have been. He knows if he looks he will cry again. He is so tired. His body takes control and his head shifts to look at the pillow where his lover's head once rested.
Wyatt didn’t sleep. The dark bags under his eyes were proof of that. He trudges out of his room to where the two are sleeping.
Ema didn’t sleep either. She’s pretending to sleep and Wyatt can tell. She stayed up to make sure Wyatt was safe, the dark circles and red eyes are evidence of that. He scoots next to her on the pullout bed on the couch.
Ema opens one eye and Wyatt is staring at her. She turns over and puts her hand on his cheek, rubbing her thumb over the dried tears from last night. They stay there for a while, silently staring, not needing words to know what the other is thinking.
