Thinking of a version of events where it all miraculously works out in the end, where Vecna and The Upside Down are dead and gone, and no other lives are lost.
But Dustin is struggling.
Because yes, Eddie survived, heās going to be okay, but none of that changes the fact that Dustin heard his desperate screams as the bats tore at him, that Dustin had to watch as he bled out right in front of him, felt his hand go limp in his, slick with blood.
But it seems like everyoneās fine, riding on a wave of relief, so Dustin figures he should push it all down, seal it off as neatly as The Upside Down had been.
And he tries. He cracks corny jokes to make Max roll her eyes and laugh while sheās getting a cast on her arm, plays off Lucas and Erica against each other until theyāre fighting smiles as they rile each other up.
It all feels like stuff he would have done before. But he canāt get rid of the horrible feeling that heās like a little robot with set phrases, that heās acting convincingly, but his heart just isnāt in it.
Never change, Dustin Henderson, Eddie had said, but Dustin canāt help it, doesnāt know how to reach the old version of himself. Doesnāt know if he ever can again.
It comes to a head one afternoon, while itās just him and Eddie in a hospital room. Itās easier to keep up the act in group settingsāone-on-one feels too close to a spotlight being on him.
āHey, youāre pretty quiet,ā Eddie says kindly. āYou okay?ā
And itās such an innocuous remark; Dustin could easily shrug it off, just say that heās tired.
But instead his eyes prick with shame that heās failed, that Eddieās noticed, and he suddenly canāt stop himself from crying.
āEddie, IāmāIām sorry.ā
Eddieās eyes are wide with dismay. āWoah, woah, youāve got nothing toāā
āY-you said not to change,ā Dustin gets out through sobs, ābut IāI donāt know h-how toāā
āOh no,ā Eddie breathes, āno, no, no, justācome here.ā
And he pulls Dustin into a hug with surprising strength for someone still lying in a hospital bed.
āI didnāt meanāshh, shh, Iāve got you. You donāt have toāyou donāt need to do anything, Dustin, you hear me?ā
Eddie kisses the top of Dustinās head, hugs him tight, because he knows a thing or two about being forced into a crossroads in adolescence, about guilt and trauma, and a kind of loss that goes beyond death.
āYouāre loved, youāre so fucking loved, Dustin Henderson,ā Eddie whispers. āYouāre loved just as you are, okay? Always.ā
And Dustin still doesnāt know where to go from here, but maybe thatās okay. Maybe itās enough, for now, to know that Eddieās here, that heās holding onto him. Maybe itās enough to know that thereās a way forward at all.