ETERNAL HAPPY FACE

I didn’t finish my student teaching and was supposed to be teaching in North Carolina this fall. Since that didn’t happen things have been on pause since may and have to do the whole semester over again this spring. Worked at a museum, moved in with my boyfriend, am an over educated and over qualified sub in Houston. he’s applying for grad school, my teaching residency makes me stuck in North Carolina and his schools are on the west coast… teaching has unsurfaced how poor my executive functioning skills are and how uh anxious I am. I’m just low in self esteem because well, I’m not making much progress in anything

Anyways I’m spilling my beans because that’s what I did on my blog my senior year of high school about every gush and hormonal turn. Reading it is so fun I wish I had documented college as much as I did. And it’s also the best way for me to express myself. I started to journal again but sometimes I just wish someone could hear this.

Anyways the more immediate reason why Im back because I finally watched heartstopper -which truth be told I am far less gay that I was 10 years ago but I finally caved in and absolutely demolished the series, the tv show, (gosh I caved into the novelas too, I’m so desperate). I’m so nostalgic for tumblr and the feelings of being 15-18 being so hopefully and romantic and all that jazz. Honestly even just the honeymoon phase of any relationship, it’s really sweet to see that on screen.I miss reading for the thrill and the fandom and the obsession. I just want to fangirl. I miss that as a time I missed media, I haven’t enjoyed the internet as much as I did then because well, it was the discourse I was there fire. Also since graduating undergrad there’s just a lot less queer people in my life - what I get for moving to North Carolina I guess I also have less people to talk to.

If you remember, the next season is going to take right after where we leave off this season. Will can come out, Jonathan and Nancy can break up, etc etc. The whole point of a tv show is to make you feel (both good and uncomfortable), that’s the point of tension and drama. All these things can be resolved, if this weren’t true, they wouldn’t have a next season (which was planned since the show was pitched to Netflix).