*Off-key Kazoo*

a very merry “nhl players making their debuts have to wear neck guards” szn to all who celebrate

nhl commentators love to be like “and how did you know he would be there to receive that pass? did you feel him? would you know him by touch alone, by smell” and then the guy’s like “i looked”

another week of whatever the fuck this shit is

“Woaah look at the moon” Me literally every night no matter what phase the moon is.

cats always step precisely on your most sensitive areas when theyre crawling on you lovingly for cuddles. bladder dick ovaries boobs stomach bruise it doesnt matter. they have homing devices on their paws for the exact area you’re most tender at the moment and they put their full weight into that step. and sometimes they might keep their stance midstride so theyre just standing there forever forcing you to endure the pain. because they are simply too cute to get mad at

person (non-practicing)

partially-managed mental illness is so fucking funny i'll be sitting around doing my job and suddenly think "wow i hate myself" and immediately get confused because, like, that's not TRUE! i love myself so much. who are you to talk to me like that

I live a very balanced life of noticing things nobody else does and not noticing the things that literally everybody notices

Do it scared but please don't do it hungry. Please don't do it dehydrated. It's gonna make it so much scarier. Please.

I am so thankful that books & reading exist

every day i am thankful to ancient humans for the domestication of the cat. fucking genius idea. agriculture was a good one too btw but you really outdid yourselves with the cat thing

Being a writer is more about googling words to make sure they absolutely mean what you always assumed they meant than simply writing.

Somehow being a person does not come naturally to me

never met a sentence i couldn't make incredibly long