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The thing it tends to bring to mind for me, is edging. 🤷‍♀️ Edging and Denial and Orgasm control are major kinks for me.

But… I went through an 18 month denial period,

And… I wasn’t informed before I did it. I didn’t know how it could affect me. I wasn’t aware of warning signs that long term denial wasn’t a good fit for me. And I wasn’t aware of how it altered my mind.

I did it because my Dominant at the time told me too. And a ton of stuff here on Tumblr said that good girls don’t cum, and, I wanted to be a good girl.

But it is a bit of a drug. It alters your headspace. Plays with your chemicals and hormones. And, can cause some serious mental distress like increased anxiety and depression. In some people, it can actually end up killing their sex drive.

Essentially, edging feels good because you get the build up of all the feel good chemicals. Dopamine because you’re chasing something, oxytocin, endorphins, etc. Your sympathetic nervous system is activated in a lot of feel good ways. When you cum, your parasympathetic nervous system is activated, bringing you back down to normal levels.

Keeping someone in the edged and denied state long term, increases their tolerance to some of those chemicals/hormones. That state becomes the new normal, and if they cum, they’ll feel worse, and it can lead to a depressive state. Staying in the edged/denied state long term can also lead to an excess of some of those hormones and cause mood instability and anxiety. But it’s different for each individual, because each individual is wired a bit differently.

I tend to think it’s a bit irresponsible to push for long term denial with everyone. For the majority of people, it’s not going to be a good or healthy fit. For some individuals though, it’s amazing. It fits right in with their natural wiring and potential natural deficiencies, and can be beneficial. So, it really needs to be evaluated by an educated Dom on a case by case basis. And for the love of god, if you’re going to deny someone long term, don’t criticize them for mood problems. It’s a risk you’re choosing to take, and a symptom that should cue you to give them a ruin at a minimum. And give them lots of lovey aftercare when they cum after a denial period.

Being kept and denied also, at least in my experience, makes you more suggestible. More obedient. More docile. A lot of really hot and fun things. But there’s also room for someone to use it in ways you don’t ultimately like or want. To slowly push you down a path that you don’t actually want to go. It keeps you desperate and needy, so you’re more likely to give them things you wouldn’t “sober”. Edging can be like a mind altering drug. Used well, it helps you drop your inhibitions. Used poorly… it can be used to get you somewhere you didn’t want to go.

So… I don’t tend to recommend consenting to things while edged. Just like your negotiating should happen pre-scene, and up-negotiating mid scene/in subspace can lead to potential damage/consent violations, I view edging the same way. If you have to get someone edged and denied to get them to agree to something… that’s coercion, not genuine desire or consent. I won’t do denial with someone unless I know their end goal and also want that. I tend to think of a Dominant as a leader. But I’m not going to follow a leader who’s headed in a direction I don’t want to go.

What people see is that I've been on a two months streak, it's hot, an inspiration to some, all that stuff

What people don't see is years, and I'm talking around six, of learning my body and experimenting with different people along the way to get to where I am now

I find longer denial beneficial for me at the moment, it helps me cope with my chronic pains, my sex drive would be low without it, I am lucky to have a great dominant leading me through the whole journey, and even though not every day is full of fun and sexy time, overall my emotions about denial are positive, and I want to keep going for as long as it feels right

But not everyone is the same, denial needs working up to, adjustment, immense trust, lots and lots of talking about it, in and out of kink (if you're doing it with someone), and also as a sub you need to be aware of your own emotions and needs and be honest about those

Kink should be fun and add more to your life, not take from it, if it feels draining then it's time to take a step back and give it some thought