EdenArtFactory

i just wish i never existed. life isn't worth living

i have no friends and I never will. it doesn't matter how hard I try nobody will ever love me. if I killed myself tomorrow no one outside my crab bucket of a family would notice

she makes us both regularly suicidal but she's too busy supporting the mental health of people she talks shit about regularly and would be sad if she knew she hurt us that bad and kill herself. OR just call us manipulative spycjhos who have nothing to be depressed about and why should we? she sacrificed everything and stayed in an abusive marriage to raise us, her last ten years of suffering under that man is all our fault!

of course I missed artfight again. it doesn't matter it's not like I was going to actually draw anything anyway.

yay! another fucking year i missed all the applications to fuvking art vendors and another fucking year i prove this shit is all useless i should fucking kill myself

god I fucking hate my life

nothing makes me happy

and no i'm not a fucking gardener, I still fucking hate gardening i'm just grown up enough to not want to waste the three grand the people in the family who actually like gardening spent to go to waste every year, and I don't want them to get depressed when the cucumbers fucking dry out.

i'm not doing art anymore. I've decided.

she's out supporting like three different people who who are depressed and suicidal, which is so sweet and so noble considering she will push me to the edge of killing myself then call me a psulycho and yell. at me for "acting like she pushed cigarette buttsinto my arms my entire childhood" she just doesn't give a shit about me and if I do end up killing myself she'll only care i made her feel bad about it

this is just all there is and ll there will ever be.

it doesn't really matter. nothing matters. I've accepted that I will never have a meaningful relationship and I am just unlovable and will die alone and homeless. the only reason I don't just kill myself now is for my twin who feels obligated to take care of me.

i love how people assume i'm doing great because i'm on top of watering the garden and getting into bonsai are also completely ignoring how I haven't made any form of art or even showered in a year. but hey! I've learned that outwardly showing i'm depressed gets me called a manipulative abusive psycho so I must be just peachy now.

I just have no reason to be alive