Echoes of the Veil

Silver has been used for thousands of years as a metal linked to the moon, intuition, reflection, and insight. I wrote a book of shadows entry for this over on my blog, linked here, where I provide more correspondences for silver.

Time Doesn't Exist on a Soul Level

I will be blunt...

You keep repeating cycles because you keep coming up with excuses. When you realize that patterns are a product of excuses, that is when you can grow and heal.

Healing can't happen when you keep making excuses.

Ever feel like you are on autopilot with everything?

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how we practice magic, not just what we do. A magical profile is basically a way of noticing your patterns, such as what you return to, what drains you, what supports you, and how your magic actually moves through your life right now. It’s part reflection, part shadow work, part journaling, and it changes as you do.

At some point in our spiritual journey words, phrases, and terms come up that don't always make sense. While the internet is great at defining these terms, often lists fall short or don't extend into multiple practices. This can be frustrating in modern spirituality, where many of the practices are drawn from other practices such as Hinduism, Buddhism, and pagan traditions.

I felt like the lists commonly available on many sites don't go into dept or even leave room to explore, with many lists only containing a few terms, which is not very practical. My own frustration at the lack of complete inclusion of many terms, mainly because they don't fit their practice, left me searching for a better alternative.

I have created a Glossary of Magic, Spiritual, and Witchcraft Terms on my blog Athena's Attic LLC. You can find the link to the Glossary of Terms by clicking here.

While the definitions are short, they are meant to be inclusive, free of dogma, and written in plain words, not scientific jargon. I will be adding more in time, but as of right now there are over 650 terms!

Abhoard (verb, spiritual/poetic neologism)

/ab-ˈhɔrd/

To persistently and deliberately impose on someone emotionally or spiritually, especially after clear boundaries have been set, often in a slow, calculated, or invasive manner.

Note: The color of this card is green. My camera did a bad job capturing this card.

Abundance.

It is easy to immediately think this card is about money. I mean the card features falling coins. But this card is not just about money, as abundance is equally an emotional state or feeling that you have a lot of something.

Let me clarify. A person can have a lot of money and still feel like they lack abundance. It is a state of mind, as well as a large quantity of something. So, if you feel like you are lacking when you have what you need to live and grow, it is not a lack of material goods or money, but a state of mind that needs to be healed.

Abundance is not easy to see, especially when you are used to looking at the same things day in and day out, like a house or car. We tend to see what we lack, not what we have. I own my house, well I inherited it with a mortgage that I can barely afford. My lack is my lack of money and the house that I struggle to keep up with on maintenance. I also do not own a car and live miles from anything. All I tend to feel is the lack, what I don't have. I tend to forget that the house is a roof over my head, cheaper than living in an apartment in this area, and while not close to stores... it is better than nothing and nothing is what a lot of people feel like they have.

When I realized that I have a lot of what people do not have, it changed the way I feel about abundance. I used to feel like it meant money or monetary possessions, but it is more than that. Abundance means having love, family, friends, a career, or for me... people who read my blog. I find the smaller things in life more fulfilling over the larger things. I am grateful for the many things that I have and own, but they are not the driving factor of my life.

When we shift away from monetary focus and onto ourselves and our connection to those we love or things we love, we tend to find more abundance and gratitude in the things we already have. Our state of mind changes and we feel like we have more than we need. The need for more or the need to keep up with others goes away and suddenly, you feel it: abundance.

This card asks you to connect with what you already have and to find the gratitude in those things and to celebrate what you have... not what you lack.

Where in your life are you focusing on what's missing instead of what is supporting you?

The King of Wands Reversed is a call to look at your actions verses your intuition. Here your intuition is lacking... you are immobile, close-minded, and most definitely hot-headed.

This post is to explain how I feel right now and why I have been gone for two weeks.

This is not a general reading. I will however tell you that the Nine of Swords is about anxiety, illusions, pressure, and stress.

I don’t know where to start, so I’ll just start typing and let my mind clear a bit on what I’m feeling and dealing with.

I have always been someone who wants to learn and continue learning. New subjects fascinate me. I take classes or courses when I can afford them, not just to grow and expand, but because I genuinely enjoy learning.

Over the last few years, I’ve learned the hard way that other people’s ideology is not always what it appears to be. Many preach one thing, but in truth are after only a few things: money and control.

I understand the need for money, we all need to live. Making money is especially difficult when you’re physically limited in what you can do (disabilities suck). What I don’t understand is the need to control others. It alters the narrative, twists truth to suit a desired outcome, and it hurts people.

This story unfolded over about three years. No, I will not name the schools. I don't like to badmouth.

I wanted to help others using the knowledge I already had. I’ve practiced witchcraft for over twenty years, and while there isn’t much I don’t know, I was looking for legitimacy, a title that would allow people to trust me when I offered help. That desire led me to multiple online schools.

What I found instead were repeated red flags: unclear expectations, shifting standards, financial practices that didn’t align with claimed values, and teachings that slowly undermined personal trust and autonomy. At first, I questioned myself. Eventually, I listened to my instincts and walked away.

One course in particular pushed me past my limits. It required disconnecting from all outside guidance in the name of “self-trust.” While the idea sounds reasonable, for someone who is intuitive and psychic, it was destabilizing. I complied anyway and in doing so, I lost faith in myself. I trusted their direction over my own inner knowing.

That loss nearly cost me my life.

My wake-up call came when I realized how dependent I had become on others ideology. The teachings were altered versions of legitimate work, reshaped to serve control rather than healing. I stopped studying, stepped back completely, and began the long process of rebuilding my connection to myself and my guides.

It hasn’t been easy. My connection feels weaker. Divination feels tainted. Tarot, something I once loved, now feels like a lead brick. This blog originally existed to help me find my way back to myself, but lately even that has felt out of reach.

My anxiety has been through the roof. Motivation is almost nonexistent. I have projects I want to finish, ideas I care about, but no energy to bring them into reality. Wanting to do nothing has become the default.

The Nine of Swords has been my life for the last five months.

I also have a website where I post longer, more informational pieces beyond tarot and Book of Shadows work. I haven’t touched it in over a month. On top of that, the anniversary of my spiritual awakening has arrived, an event that now feels more painful than celebratory. I feel like I’m back at square one, like I somehow un-awakened myself. I don’t want to go through that process again, so I’ve been pushing everything away just to feel some sense of normalcy... if that even exists anymore.

Add to that the return of medical issues I haven’t faced in five years, and it feels like my life is repeating itself. The pressure is overwhelming. Sometimes I find myself asking: why even bother?

There are many other pieces of my life that have contributed to where I am now, but I don’t have the emotional or mental capacity to put them into words. Some mornings I wake up and ask the universe if I can go just one day without this pain.

And the universe answers: no.

Moving forward, I want to try to get back into the swing of things. I want to finish the projects I’ve started, even though the mental effort required feels daunting.

Lately, I’ve had a strong desire to play Minecraft, don’t judge me. It’s creativity, and I desperately need that right now. Before I can even do that, I need to put my desktop computer back together and clear months of accumulated clutter from my desk. Small steps.

As for this blog… we’ll see. No promises. If I feel the call to post, I will.

What I really want to know is this: what do you need? If I know what others need, maybe I can find the courage to help again.

Having a sense of protection is what helps us to move through our day with ease. When we lack that feeling, we become anxious and dread the day and even our future. Feeling safe comes when we take time to plan or prepare for what lies ahead. When we forget to do simple things it can build up anxiety within our bodies and take away the safety net that we have for ourselves.

Listen to Life

I am attentive to the world around me. Signs and symbols guide me to success. I listen and discover the way to the Eternal.

Being attentive to the world around you means that you do not walk blindly into situations, instead you are aware of what goes on around you and you understand how you can interact with that energy to get your desired outcome. Discovering the Eternal is you finding your own path to yourself.

I was shuffling and kept getting the phrase "Riding the Struggle Bus," then the Five of Pentacles appeared before me.

Well, this is a collective reading, but I feel like this relates to me so much this week. Nothing just seems to be going right.

8 inches of snow, my snowblower broke, shoveled all 1400 feet of it myself... on top of that I had 3 doctors appointments this week and spent hours along for the ride because I use public transportation. Yeah, Its been a struggle bus week for me and it is still not over.

"You get what you deserve."

"Karma is a b!tch."

I am getting this as "you" did something wrong and now you are getting the results of your actions. Where you were in the wrong, despite having felt like it was the right action to take.

Taking any action is a risk, especially if we feel like it was the right thing to do. However this situation came about, you need to take responsibility for your actions and balance the outcome with the lesson to be learned.

Everything in life is a lesson. It helps us to make better informed decisions and to keep making progress in our lives and on our paths. When we make bad decisions we need to face the consequences of our actions and learn from them.

This is not a time to take justice into your own hands and retaliate. It will just block you even further from your path. Growing is learning from your mistakes and taking action to not let them happen again.

Fear of Love or Falling in Love?

On their own both of these cards are positive for finding love, but together and in the order they are in, they tell a different story.

The Page of Wands is a curious person, they seek out adventure, creating their own path, but also they are able to overcome their fear. The 4 of Wands is a card of completion, celebration, and strong foundations.

Good right?

Look at the position of the cards. The Page is facing away from the 4 of Wands. It is like the Page can see the happiness that is meant for them, but they are afraid of what could be, so they shy away from the happiness meant for them. This is a complete opposite of what the Page of Wands is all about! But you should never ignore the imagery of the cards, they tell a story too!

I feel a sense of abandonment and lots of fear from the Page, like this is not what they truly feel they want because it takes away from their adventurous lifestyle. They are not willing to risk their happiness on a whim.

But the Page is a young person, not completely learned and willing to risk letting go of the love they seek to find something better. Bottom of the deck is the 3 of Swords: They are afraid of what has happened in the past will happen again to them - heartbreak.

Advice: What has happened in the past is not a prediction of the future. If you base your entire life off of past experiences, including love, you will have no one. Stop running away from your fears and face them. The Page of Wands is not afraid of their path. They take action to make their path theirs, blazing trails!

I have always liked this card. It is a card of being able to see things clearly. It is like stepping into a dark room and turning on the lights. Everything is lit up and nothing is in the dark anymore.

I am hearing the lyrics, "I can see clearly now the rain is gone..."

This card is about being able to see a situation differently and being able to make decisions that are logical and based on the truth instead of based on fear.