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Wires constrict my body
Wire ropes constrict my body. I can't breathe. Hour after hour, day after day, the invisible weave pierces my skin. In my soul, my heart and my lungs. It hurts. Will it ever get easier? Can someone rip the wires away from me? I can't. My body is paralyzed. The lungs don't stretch because they can't. Wires are not stretchy.
Too heavy is the load that feels like a rock on his shoulders while the ropes have carefully attached him to me. These grew and expanded within me. They try to protect shards of the past from falling apart. But the tighter they lace themselves around me, the more it hurts. I cut them, set them on fire and tug at them. But wire cannot be cut with simple scissors or torn or burned. Nobody can help me. The braid around me is invisible and only I feel this pain. The tips and the pressure.
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The worst part of depression is waking up and the first thought that pops in your head is how shitty you feel, alone and struggling to get through the day before it's even started

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I tried to give everything to everyone but it was just never enough. Never.

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Keiner holt mich hier raus. Ich glaub, dass mich keiner mehr braucht.
Hi depression, how you been?It's been a long time, we meet again.
I've been good, the fuck you been up to though
Lately you look like you're unstoppable
You must not have checked your messages
I been trying to get to you desperately
It's time you came and repaid your debt to me
I just want to be left in peace
Why the fuck you got to mess with me
So sick and tired of you testing me
Don't get to smile, don't get to sleep
Sounds like you just need stress relief
Cut yourself, or maybe take some pills
Cuz no one cares if you die or live
Waste of space, another useless soul
The world is better if you just go.
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY Head!!
Discussions with depression..
Alle weg, wenn ich falle es gibt keinen der bleibt, niemand hört meine Schreie ich sterbe einsam allein.
Ich möchte gehen können,
ohne das meine Oberschenken aneinander reiben,
durch die Welt stacksen mit dünnen langen Beinen,
wie ein Storch.
Ich möchte gehen können,
ohne Geräusche zu machen,
auf dem Wasser laufen ohne einzutauchen,
über Sand und Schnee ohne Abdrücke zu hinterlassen,
durch die Welt schweben wie eine Feder.
Ich möchte herrausstechende Schulterblätter haben,
die aussehen als würden mir Flügel wachsen
- endlich - nach langem Warten
oder wie die gebrochenen Flügel eines gefallenen Engels.
Ich möchte Schlüsselbeine haben
die hervorstehen
und mich wie ein zierliches Wesen aussehen lassen,
ein Wesen voll Glanz, rein, zart und zerbrechlich.
Ich möchte schwebend durchs Leben wandeln,
jede Bewegung so elegant,
jeder Schritt so anmutig,
jede Geste so zart...

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