Thoughts

This is dust on a shelf but if it gets to anybody hi I need you to know that you're a human and I am too and this is just fucking writing a post but hey it's fingers typing I mean HEY I REALLY DO MEAN WE ARE FUCKING HUMANS AND THIS EXISTENCE IS A FUCKING MESS WHY ARE WE SPENDING OUR LIVES SO FAR FROM ONE ANOTHER STRUGGLING ALONE OR WORSENING EVERYONE'S ENVIRONMENT WITH DETACHED SUPPRESSED DEVIATED ENERGIES I MEAN SOME OF US ARE REALLY SENSITIVE OUT THERE AND LET ME TELL YOU IT *BURNS*. Besides that, I want you to know that I'm trying, I know it often looks like I'm not, because of how things keep repeating themselves and how I still fit in the clothes of this persona I let the world around me shape for myself, but I really am trying to figure out how to undress of all the bricks and the crap cuz damn it is suffocating in here once you turn off the Friend's episode you've just watched for the 5th time or when you stop stuffing your face with food that gives you a purpose for a while. You know, when things stay still and immediately you feel the overwhelming confusion of not knowing what to do or how. Many of us have too busy lives to live these moments but idk if I'm happy for you either, I mean if you're busy doing stuff while being aware of life and everything then I'm very much happy for you and I thank you for what you put out. If you're just running around on autopilot but doing so you manage to stay away from anything deeper and raw and maybe slightly more real than a pre made plot, idk you're free, but I suspect you may find things very different if you switched perspective, slowing down a little, looking in and not so much out. Anyways, I'll keep trying and either I'll make it or I'll die, it feels like being trapped in a cage that keeps shrinking and I think I may not be the only one under this weight so I wanna do it for me and for you, I want to become strong enough to pull the giant stone and join the resistance, making it easier for people there to breathe, to scream, to live.

They keep on telling you what to do, as you were a manikin in their shop windows. The crowd is staring at you, blank eyed. Bitter laughters echoing in this armoured theatre. Glued masks, burnt faces. Unscripted tears anger the puppeteer. The applause won't last all night, the courtain will fall.