hit me, you'll feel better

reality is terrible god really looked at me and said. "i'm going to give you an eating disorder. and one disease that causes rapid weight loss. and another that causes rapid weight gain. good luck."

in my self harm era again

why am i alive?

having a terrible time i want to go back to the apartment and self harm or just fucking kill myself

oh god i'm a failure to launch

LMAO my laptop just stopped working. there's no way this isn't a sign

the awesome thing about this particular spiral? crash out? crisis? decision to give up? is that i jist don't feel like i can talk to anyone about it. i don't want to tap out the people who are already trying to help me with my physical health and trying to figure out surgery and housing. i'm burdening them enough and i don't want them to see me as too much or not worth the effort. i'm going to tear myself apart somewhere no one will see me or hear me. i will try not to leave a mess.

ruh roh raggy! the hell brain is telling me to stop taking my antipsychotics because they're linked to increased appetite and weight gain

fun new game: eating disorder relapse or just fucking miserable

i so badly want to hurt myself tonight

my endometriosis has become out of hand. i have been on my period 80% of the time since july. the pain is unbelievable. i've lost friends, my job, my home. this disease has taken almost everything from me. and i still don't know if insurance has deemed the surgey medically necessary. it's in a month. if i can't get it, my life is over