Helping people discover themselves

Possibly gender non-conforming, but I’d need more information. Can you explain more your feelings? To provide direction: Why do you feel uncomfortable with gender labels? Why do you feel you are not cis? Why do you feel you are not trans? 

No. There’s a variety of reasons men might not want to have facial hair. If you can’t see yourself comfortably as male or an individual with predominantly male sex characteristics that’d be concerning, but a feature or two is fine. Basically, if you have clinically significant dysphoria that can’t be managed by alternative means then transition is likely a viable option for improving quality of life. 

Yes, a lot of people start becoming dysphoric around puberty. A lot of people also are so used to their dysphoria that they weren’t aware of the signs or that things they felt, thought, and did weren’t normal. 

It can be a sign of it or the start of self discovery. That was one of the ways I realized I had bottom dysphoria. I had a dream I had a penis and it just felt... So natural. When I woke up I actually freaked for a second because my penis was gone. I felt so happy and connected to my body when having it.So how did the dream make you feel? Was it simply sexually interesting, or did it make you feel complete, happy, connected, or euphoric? My only concern is mistaking being transsexual with having a fetish. Having a fetish is perfectly fine and normal, but people who do not have sex dysphoria should not transition. It’s very risky psychologically. This isn’t me saying you aren’t trans, just looking out for your well being. I’d suggest looking over my “What is dysphoria?” post [Link] to see if it resonates with you. Maybe experiment with gender expression as well via safe binding, packing, male contouring, facial hair make up, etc. See if it makes you feel euphoric, connected, happy, or even just gives you a sense of normalcy. Sometimes dysphoria can be our default and it can be hard to tell it’s there until it’s not or until it’s reduced. 

I’d like to avoid private messages for now, because I simply don’t have the time and resources to devote to that. For now you can message me off anon if need be or send multiple anon messages back and forth.

I have similar feelings. It feels very odd to refer to myself as a man, and male pronouns feel wrong. Partially I think it’s because it feels forced. It feels people have to make a conscious effort to refer to us that way so it feels wrong and embarrassing and uncomfortable. Maybe that’s how you feel? It took awhile for me to make that connection.Also keep in mind you’ve been referred to as female and with female pronouns for most of your life. It’s going to feel weird and wrong for awhile. I don’t think people talk about these feelings at risk of being called fake or doubting themselves, because the you never really hear trans people express doubt or discomfort for things that you’d think would make them happy, but they are common and are normal to an extent. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re a person responding to a life changing process normally.

That’s a tough one. Do you have dysphoria anywhere else? Do you have a desire to be and/or live as male, or to change other sex characteristics, or do you just have a desire for a flat chest? Check out my “What is dysphoria?” post for examples that might help you figure it out: [Link]I think you can be trans without genital dysphoria, but if you really, truly only have chest dysphoria I’d say it’s more likely dysmorphia. Dysmorphia can be very similar to dysphoria and they can even cross paths. Check out the post, “Things that may mimic dysphoria.” [Link]You may want to see out a mental health professional experienced with working with individuals who have dysphoria, dissociative disorders, and dysmorphia. This will be something you’ll need to explore and research. Maybe look for personal stories of trans people who have predominantly top dysphoria and people who have other conditions that make them want no breasts. You can always experiment with gender expression and see if you find relief from having a more male appearance. Sometimes we get so used to having dysphoria we don’t know it until it’s relieved and we feel euphoric. Try packing, binding (safely!), darkening your peach fuzz and eyebrows with mascara, male contouring, male clothes, etc. While this can be evidence you’re GNC, if you enjoy it more because you look more male that’s an entirely different thing. Good luck, anon! Feel free to elaborate more and seek more advice. :)

Honestly? I’d question if that’s really sex dysphoria like transsexuals have, or more like BIID focused on your genitals and breasts. Do you have any other symptoms of dysphoria? You can find some examples in my “What IS dysphoria?” post here: [Link]However, there may be more to your dysphoria and feelings than your initially realize. For awhile, I thought I wanted my clitoris removed, but turned out I was just very dysphoric about it and realized I wanted a dick when I had a dream and felt euphoria from the dysphoria relief. As far as if you’re a trans male? Do you feel any desire to be seen or live socially as male? Do you have any desire for male sex characteristics? Imagine yourself as male, being seen as male, treated as male, having a penis and balls, etc. Maybe experiment with safe binding or packing and see if you get euphoria or dysphoria relief from it. You could also experiment with thickening your eyebrows, facial peach fuzz, arm hair, etc with mascara. Experimenting with gender presentation can sometimes help you understand your dysphoria better. When you live in a state of dysphoria, it becomes your normal often times and you don’t know how bad it is until it’s relieved. I would highly recommend talking to a mental health professional who specializes in transsexualism and BIID, or at least has experience in treating both. I’d talk to people with BIID and transsexualism and see who you resonate with more. 

“(2/2) i'm 20 years old now, and i honestly can't remember much of what it was like being a teen, going through puberty, but i do remember always having a weird image of myself, like i didn't quite "fit" what i "should" be. i never thought i was unattractive, just..."off" somehow. makeup made it worse when people would coerce me into letting them put it on me. i had so many panicked experiences that the mere mention of makeup puts me on edge. does this sound like dysphoria, or something else?“ It does sound likely that it’s dysphoria to me. Before I realized I had dysphoria, I had similar feelings to the “desire to penetrate my partner”. Sometimes I’d tell my female friends after sex, “Man, I kinda wish I had a dick. It’d be cool to have sex with you like that. Strap ons just aren’t the same.” I thought that was completely normal. People would just lightheartedly chuckle like it was an unusual, but normal quirk. Let’s look at it like this. When you fantasize about penetrating a partner with a penis, how do you feel? Does it feel gratifying? Does it feel more normal or natural? Euphoric? If you’ve used a strap on does it feel more natural and like you’re more connected to yourself during sex?Having an large aversion to vaginal penetration isn’t unheard of in cis women, but to the extent you refer to it as “the thing” and can’t even wear tampons definitely raises some dysphoria flags to me. The “weird image” thing is a sign of dysphoria as well. Many people report looking in the mirror and not recognizing themselves, or feeling like something is off but unable to explain what or why. I had the aversion to make up too. It’s a gender role thing, but I feel sometimes truscum undermine how much gender roles play into our dysphoria and identity. So the make up thing sounds like social dysphoria to me. Overall my thoughts? It sounds like you have dysphoria. I’d talk with other trans people and perhaps a counselor who specializes in treating transgender patients. Maybe experiment with gender expression like packing or (safe) binding too and see if you get a sense of relief or euphoria, which is a pretty good sign you have dysphoria. Let me know if you need some cheap or easy DIY binder/packer sources!Maybe also check out my dysphoria related links? - What IS dysphoria? (Has many examples of dysphoria.) [Link]- My personal experience with more subtle dysphoria. [Link]- Dysphoria is many things. [Link]

Yes, 100% normal. A lot of people worry if they express this they won’t be seen as trans. I mean, think about typical trans narratives you see on TV: It’s always some trans person talking about how they always knew they were X, and transition was welcomed and freed them. Trans people probably felt like they couldn’t afford to publicly and openly express doubt and fear. It wouldn’t be seen as, “Person scared about making a major, stigmatized, and life changing decision.” Like it is. So yes, that’s all it is. You’re making a huge, life altering decision. Think about the last time you made a potentially life changing decision. You were probably afraid, scared, and had some doubts or second thoughts. Transition is scary! It’s highly stigmatized. Your mind wants to go back to what is immediately comfortable, even if in the long run you’ll be better off transitioned. I also want to mention increased or new dysphoria is entirely normal as well. I suggest you read my post: “Addressing my Pre-T self’s fears” [Link]

I’m so sorry, anon! Let me tell you I feel for you! I kind of struggled with something similar. I went from mostly homosexual as a female to being mostly heterosexual as a male… When being not straight was such a big part of my identity I freaked and it was a huge struggle. I ended up reawakening my bi side though after T. Anyway, the trans community is really not forgiving or sympathetic at all to trans men who are struggling with losing their lesbian community, who some may be heavily invested. Anon, you ARE NOT a bad person for having these feelings. You are not trying to hurt trans women, you are not trying to get laid or be predatory toward’s lesbians, and it’s not male entitlement. You are simply struggling with having to choose between feeling comfortable in your body and losing a community it sounds like you’re very involved and emotionally invested in. That’s perfectly understandable.  Tumblr and all encompassing trans communities are not a good, safe place for someone early in transition. I’d recommend seeking out a strictly trans man/transmasc community. Your feelings will be sympathized more in there. Expressing your feelings in a mainstream, general trans group will likely get you accusations of transmisogyny and something about devaluing/appropriating trans women and their issues. Reddit’s /r/ftm is a pretty good trans man community in my experience, and pretty open minded and social justice orientated while not absurd Tumblr SJ level.Maybe talk to your lesbian community? Tell people within it you’re close to you’re thinking of transitioning and ask how they’d feel about you phasing out rather than immediately dropping it?  Some people feel trans men should be allowed in lesbian communities indefinitely, but I won’t comment on that. That’s a hairy debate. You may find yourself losing interest or being uncomfortable in there after a few months of living as male, though. Again, I think talking to your community would help. Tumblr has a hard time remembering that while trans men are men, we’re also trans, and will often have some wildly different experiences from cis men. A trans man phasing out of a community he was deeply involved in is not the same as a predatory cis man being involved in a lesbian community.  Your struggle is valid and you need sympathy, support, and understanding, not aggression and condescension. You don’t need to drop your community overnight and have no feelings on it, anon. You’re allowed to grieve, and you’re allowed to consult your local community’s feelings on the matter. Good luck, anon!

Yes, some people have little to no dysphoria about certain parts. I’ve actually decided against top surgery, at least for now, because my chest dysphoria is so low and I’d rather put that 10k towards the land I want to buy. Just a warning though, as T changes you and you start looking more male, you may become more dysphoric about your chest. This is because your dysphoria will be relieved in other areas and you’ll be synced up in those areas. Then you’ll have your chest, which stands out more than it did before because now you look male all over.