i would die for joe*

mammon

- horrible influence at first. i mean just god-awful

- he will sneak into the human world and get you whatever you want, and cover for you if Lucifer starts sniffing around. he just wanted to try human cigarettes, okay?!

- takes you out to get drunk and gamble, blaming his losses on the alcohol every time, even though you keep winning

- has definitely gotten into a bar fight before while you drunkenly cheered him on

- complains when you get too drunk and throw up but always insists on cleaning you up himself

- eventually he learns more about humans, and how things like this harm them a lot more than they do demons, and he flips a switch

- refuses to do any more runs for you, lowkey forcing you to quit cold turkey </3 depending on how long you've been drinking/smoking, he will get you more to curb the withdrawls, but only small amounts under his supervision (ok mom)

- hides your stash of stuff and forgets where he hid it immediately after. Lucifer finds a box full of human-world alcohol and cigarettes in the back of a closet a month later

- steals buys you whatever you need to quit. he starts with patches and gum to curb the craving of the hit

- he celebrates each milestone like it's the most important day of the year (to him, it is)

- if you have an oral fixation, he lets you bite/suck on his fingers while yall cuddle. demon fingers won't snap like a carrot, so you can bite down as hard as you want

leviathan

- woah, you smoke?! so does *insert character from one of his super-niche animes here*!!!

- thinks you're super cool and edgy at first, probably really intimidated by you or assumes you won't like him

- doesn't really mind the smell of smoke on you, as long as you wash your hands before you touch any of his figures

- gets jealous of anyone you take smoke breaks with. he'll try a cigarette just to attempt to impress you and end up coughing so hard he has to sit down for a bit

- he's scared you only like him because of the alcohol, that sober you wouldn't think he's as entertaining. when you find this out, you go cold turkey for a week for him

- tracks how much you're using on his computer, and if there's an uptick he'll nervously confront you, asking if everything is okay

- lets you lie in his tub when you're super hungover. the cool porcelain helps with your pounding head, and if you throw up, nothing gets dirty! (except for your clothes)

- buys you limited-edition themed drinks or vapes/cigs. half of them stay unopened, considering you're almost certain he'd pop a blood vessel if you drank the Ruri-chan sake without him

- i personally don't think he would enjoy getting drunk, maybe a little tipsy now and again. he mainly just lets you win at Devilkart when you're sloppy and he's sober

- probably codes a whole game centered around the dangers of addiction and chickens out of actually showing it to you for fear of being preachy

satan

- loves calm late-night reading sessions with you in the garden while you smoke - he says the smoke makes the atmosphere feel more noir and atmospheric

- thoroughly researches human addiction, withdrawal symptoms, and long-term effects, then leaves passive-aggressive but caring annotated books and notes around your room

- the best listener when you’re drunk and angrily ranting about everything that’s ever annoyed you; he’ll even join in with savage commentary

- has secretly cast multiple healing and protective spells on your liver and lungs without telling you. will continue to do so forever and ever probably, even after you quit

- gets furious at anyone who enables your heavier habits or offers you stronger demon substances. several RAD students have "mysteriously" gone missing after encouraging you

- will sit with you for hours during rough cravings, distracting you with mystery novels, cat videos, or deep conversations

- the smell of your cigarettes has become comforting to him because it’s so strongly associated with you. he'll light one just to smell it when you're away in the human world

- plans bookstore cafe dates and library trips specifically to keep you occupied and away from drinking during stressful periods

- if you get drunk and emotional, he gets super gentle, holding you and reading to you until you fall asleep

- he starts collecting rare human-world books about addiction recovery and subtly tries to guide you toward healthier outlets

asmodeus

- does the whole "stop this... for me🥺" thing when it comes to smoking. he doesn't see any upsides to it (besides how hot you look with a cigarette in your mouth), so he practically begs you to quit. you chainsmoke four cigarettes in retaliation

- he doesn't care if you drink, he too enjoys a good wine from time to time, but he does care if it becomes a daily habit

- also cares if the alcohol you drink is poor. only the top-shelf stuff for his human!! he caught you drinking shitty beer once and the gasp he let out would've made you think he'd caught you cheating

- takes a million drunk pictures of/with you. he has a whole folder on his DDD dedicated to nights the two of you have gone out partying

- the skincare routine goes crazy. now he's gotta undo all the damage you've done to your beautiful face, starting with about 4 different cleansers

- really bad hangovers turn into full spa days. he's pampering you until you get sick of him (which never happens, right mc?!)

- he knows exactly when you're about to drink too much (even if he himself is drunk) and cuts you off just before you go from having fun to embarrassing yourself

- he thinks your smoker's voice is sexy, but he'll never admit it because he doesn't want to encourage you

- when you inevitably pull out a cigarette, he snatches it out of your hands and kisses you until you're breathless instead

- willing and ready to let you suck his dick instead of smoke a cigarette to get your oral fixation fix please just ask him

beelzebub

- def the most against it besides asmo

- he thinks its gross at first. cigarettes change the taste of things over time, not to mention the health effects, so he abstains

- the best at taking care of you when you're drunk. he can carry you home from the bar any time, and he'll happily hold your hair back while you throw up the dinner he made you eat so you wouldn't get poisoned

- wouldn't force you to quit, but he would hint at how he doesn't like it. if/when you ask him for help, he's overjoyed

- awful influence if you have turn to food to help you quit. you're going to gain 50 pounds under his supervision and you're gonna like it (he does)

- he always has hard candies or something similar on him, so if your addiction is centered around an oral fixation he's got you covered

- fear not though, cus he's gonna make you hit the gym with him too. he read... somewhere... that you can sweat out the cravings!

- has you start going on morning runs with him to begin creating better habits. he won't make you run fast or far, but you do have to prove you can change your habits for the better

- he's incredibly patient when the withdrawls make your emotions go haywire, never taking what you say to heart when you're high-strung

- nobody ever offers you anything anymore. not Mammon, not Solomon, not the demons at RAD you would trade with. they're all too afraid of the giant, ravenous demon standing behind you

belphegor

- the only one i can see not giving a fuck.

- he's of the opinion that if you wanna kill yourself slowly, that's your prerogative (don't let him fool you. he cares so much)

- he hates the smell of cigarettes, do NOT do that shit around him you'll never hear the end of it. makes you wash your hands and brush your teeth after you smoke

- he will go outside with you for smoke breaks because he wants to spend time with you, but he's scowling and turning his head away from the smoke the whole time

- will absolutely clown on you if you vape. doesn't matter if you're together, he makes fun of you so hard and so often you quit out of pure embarrassment

- you can drink around him if you want though, he'll hold you and help you sleep it off. alcohol tends to just put him out faster, so he's your go-to for post party nap sessions

- if you get nightmares from alcohol, he's there to turn them into lovely dreams about stargazing with him

- he hates going to parties with you, but he will lean against the wall in the corner and make sure nobody messes with you while you have fun

- he loves how affectionate you get when drunk, absolutely milks the fuck out of it. he's got a smug ass look on his face as you sit in his lap and play with his hair

Ruggie opened the door, not bothering to knock. Normally, it wouldn’t have been an issue. But this time, Leona barely needed to lift his head and glare at the invading Hyena before Ruggie wisely backed out of the room, deciding not to utter a single word of his original purpose. 

Leona huffed afterward, rolling over on the bed. You ran your hands through the hair of your sulking lion before he shoved his head into your lap. Ruggie might have killed the mood, but he was still going to use you as a pillow.  

Ruggie Bucchi - 

Ruggie was taking his break at the Monstro Longue, by all technicality. It was an unapproved break, but Ruggie hadn’t taken his yet that night. Besides, you’d walked in and gotten him a homemade lunch. What was Ruggie supposed to do, keep his hands off of you? 

You two were in the employee’s room, his arms around your neck as he pulled you in. He nipped and licked wherever he could get his mouth onto. Unfortunately, it couldn’t continue for long. Jade appeared beside you like a magician, making you jump back and Ruggie shrug. 

Jade’s smile was sharp as he told Ruggie to get back to work. You pulled yourself away and Jade offered a table to you if you wished to stay. Wisely, you decided to go home. You had already eaten, after all; Ruggie’s dinner was one of the two servings you made, not including Grim’s tuna. Besides, Ruggie knew that it didn’t mean you didn’t care for him. All he had to do was go in through your window that night, and he was certain you’d show him how much you loved him again. 

Jack Howl - 

You and Jack had gone out a morning run. Or, at least, you were originally on a morning run. By the time you’d gotten to a more secluded path, you had begun growing a bit tired. Jack had allowed the two of you to take a break, and you’d leaned against him. It had started with a few quick kisses against your temple, but soon turned into many more while you leaned against a wall. 

You heard the crack of a branch beside you. Jack moved first, his ears and head snapping up and toward the unwelcomed visitor. Across from the two of you was Epel, also wearing running gear, looking properly scandalized by the scene. 

Jamil knocked on the door, and entered without waiting. He paused when he saw you among the many expensive blankets and luxurious pillows. Muttering a short apology, quickly followed by a reminder not to do anything that could bring shame to the Al-Asim name, he gracefully left. 

Kalim started kissing you again immediately afterward. Jamil wandering in was nothing to dampen his mood. After all, when he was at home, he never had a shred of privacy between all the maids and servant boys around him. If you wanted to stop, he would, but he’d keep loving you until you said so! 

Jamil Viper - 

Moments of privacy with Jamil were few and far between. Kalim was almost always chasing after him for some little thing. When he wasn’t, it was another member of Scarabia or a dorm leader looking for paperwork to be signed. So you took any chance to kiss him that you could, even if it was while you were waiting for dinner to finish cooking. And, for a moment, it was nothing but you, Jamil, and the scent of seasoning drifting up from the stovetop. 

Kalim burst into the kitchen, his voice loud and radiant as the sun above. He was calling Jamil, asking him to come look at, for some reason, a seemingly normal item for most people that Kalim had just discovered existed. 

Unfortunately, that was the cue that your moment ended. Jamil seemed less embarrassed so much as annoyed that yet another moment had been ruined. You offered to go in his stead, allowing him to keep enjoying the peace of the kitchen while you went out with Kalim. Jamil still seemed a bit disappointed, but you didn’t miss the warm, thankful smile he gave you as he left. 

Ignihyde: 

Idia Shroud - 

Idia was barely able to be convinced to kiss you. When he was, it was only in the privacy of his own room. The door was locked, Ortho was told that the two of you were having a private date, and he’d taken the proper break from STYX. You were finally– Finally– Able to kiss him, your lips covering his mouth down to his neck and back up to his temple. 

A call popped up on his phone, causing a song to play in his pocket. Idia’s hair went bright pink and he practically screamed at the intrusion. In an attempt to hang up on the unwanted noise, Idia hit it quickly. Unfortunately, he accidentally picked up the call. 

Lilia wolf whistled at the two of you, catching both of your attention quickly. He was standing on the ground, staring up at both of you. You’re fairly certain he wiggled his eyebrows and said something suggestive, but you couldn’t make it out from so far away. 

The storm clouds thundered overhead. You could tell that he was getting upset, so you did the only counteraction you could think of; You pecked his cheek. Malleus went red again, pulling you away from the edge of the rooftop and Lilia’s teasing eyes. The sun came out again, and you won many more kisses that afternoon from your adorable dragon.

Lilia Vanrouge - 

You went into Lilia’s room. It was technically meant to be a study-date, but it quickly turned tortious. Lilia was a little tease, to say the least. Constantly leaning into you, almost kissing you until you were so fed up that you had to grab him and press your lips together. 

Sebek burst into the room, as loud as could be, screaming something about the other dorms being unappreciative of Malleus. He went quiet the instant he laid eyes upon you and Lilia, tangled together on the floor like a couple of reckless teenagers. You thought he was about to lecture you when he opened his mouth again, but all it took was one look from Lilia to make him silently close the door. At least Sebek respected one of you… 

Lilia giggled the moment Sebek left. He didn’t seem the least bit phased by it. You were certain he was used to being interrupted, having raised both Malleus and Silver, but it still made you flush. Then again, it was a pleasant afternoon after Lilia let up on his teasing and pampered you when he saw how embarrassed you were. Kissing your pout away was the highlight of his day. 

Silver Vanrouge - 

You’d been led to a clearing in the forest by a group of friendly woodland creatures. There, you found Silver, passed out on the ground. After thanking them for their help, you sat down beside him and kissed his forehead. After all, a kiss could always wake a sleeping prince. 

Sure enough, he woke up upon feeling your lips against his pale skin. He sat up, tucking his hair behind his ear on instinct before he pressed upward. Your lips gently grazed each other. It was as if the sun itself had come to warm your cheeks at that moment. 

Unfortunately, your loving time together had to be cut short. You’d been caught, not by a fellow student or teacher, but instead by the forest creatures that had led you to Silver in the first place. There was no malice in how they pulled at the two of you, trying to get Silver’s attention as well, but you still pouted. Regardless, you put your head upon Silver’s shoulder and closed your eyes. Maybe you’d take an afternoon nap in the sunshine, too. 

Sebek Zigvolt - 

Sebek had just finished caring for his horse when you came in. Your study secession with Ace and Deuce was over, so you’d come right to Sebek. It was a pleasant thing for him. It stroked his ego. So, of course, when you pecked his cheek, it made him want to kiss you again. And again. And again, and again, until the two of you had locked lips more times than you could count. 

You heard a yawn from behind you. Silver had entered the stable, clearly just looking for something for his horse. A bridle, probably, although you weren’t the most knowledgeable about what went into horse care. Turning to Sebek, he seemed much more upset at the intrusion than you. It almost seemed like he was ready to pop a blood vessel. 

You’d assumed, of course, that it wouldn’t be an issue since it wasn’t a classroom event. However, you were wrong. Riddle had come up to you shortly afterward, screaming about indecency. You’d barely had time to pull away from the man you’d been kissing before Riddle collared you. 

You turned around, attempting to find Che’nya. Instead, you just saw his smile, before even that disappeared from view. Silently, you cursed him, but you couldn’t help but giggle as you saw a pair of bunny ears appear behind Riddle’s head. 

Neige Leblanche - 

You were only meant to help Neige with adjusting his costume. They were running low on staff that day, and Vil had requested you come onto the shoot with him. But then, the zipper on the back of Neige’s costume had gotten stuck, and it wasn’t as if they had anyone else to assist. 

You hadn’t really meant to kiss him, either. You’d just spied a beauty mark on his back and you’d acted on instinct, tracing your hand up his spine to it. He’d shivered and leaned back into you, and you’d kissed the mark. Then, Neige just seemed to react so positively that you didn’t stop. Every beauty mark you could see was kissed, before you moved onto his freckles and a line up the bumps of his spin. 

You heard a slamming on the door, making you jump back. Without another moment to spare, you grabbed Neige and zipped his costume up. He opened the door quickly to reveal Vil standing before you, his arms crossed and a scowl on her beautiful face. Luckily enough for Neige, he was needed on set and could skip the lecture Vil gave you before he fixed your makeup and went back to work. Hopefully, the costume department wouldn’t notice anything amiss. 

Rielle Corallia - 

Rielle was visiting you at Ramshackle unannounced. You were certain that he was simply used to it being alright as the youngest prince of the Coral Sea, but it had still ticked you the wrong way. At first, at least. But he kept being so cheerful and helpful whenever he came over that you began allowing him to. 

Rielle had been curious about your lipstick for a long time. One day, you agreed to let him watch you put it on. Upon dabbing the excess off, he asked if that was what you always did, as well as what the many other lipstick shades Vil had given you looked like. You, not wanting to waste so many tissues, had begun using Rielle’s face to remove the leftovers. Soon, he was covered in cartoonish lipstick marks. 

A pounding rescinded throughout Ramshackle. You turned quickly, and there was Ace, glaring at you through the window next to the door. Rielle, ever the optimistic merman, quickly waved at him with a big, dopey grin on his face. You sighed, but couldn’t resist a smile. He really was the cutest… 

Minajael Tealrajah - 

Minajael and you had snuck away from the crowd of a royal ball. The golden light of the ballroom was dazzling, but it could be too much sometimes. The atmosphere of the still chilly garden was much better. Tucked away in a private spot, you could still hear the music playing. Minajael offered you his hand, and you took it, content to dance the night away with him. 

Dancing soon turned to kissing, and kissing soon turned to more. His hands were on your hips, making you lose track of time. It was like the world was closing in around the two of you. The vines growing around you was the shelter Minajael needed from the crushing weight of nobility. He’d been forced to dance with some foreign princess early in the night, but even then, you were the only one on his mind. 

You heard his guards closing in, but Minajael only smirked. Within an instant, you were lifted into his arms like a bride and carried as he ran further from the palace. The music of the ballroom faded into the chirping of crickets and gentle calls of owls in the night. You gasped, but Minajael only seemed entertained. You pecked his cheek again. He deserved it. 

Rollo Flamme - 

Rollo had come to visit you at Ramshackle. He hadn’t expected much, but the beat-up dorm somehow managed to go below even his small expectations. Who could live like this? Those wizards were truly despicable if they were making an angel like you live in this horrible place. 

Rollo had to convince you otherwise when you defended that damned school. They didn’t deserve your kindness. None of them did, not the princes nor the peasants. It wasn’t fair that they got to see you everyday. You should be attending classes with him. You should be his. No one would ever love, no, worship you as Rollo could. There would never be another man once he’d had his way with you once. 

Rook was, of course, the one to walk in on the two of you. You weren’t certain how Vil noticed, nor where exactly Rook had appeared from beyond being there the moment Vil said his name, but something about the ease of it made you think this was a fairly normal occurrence for both men. 

You did not end up kissing Vil again that evening. Despite that, it was still a rather pleasant spa day, now with a third participant waxing poetic over your self-care routine. 

Rook Hunt - 

Rook? Caught? Never. No, he’s the one catching you. It doesn’t matter which person you’re with, if there’s a way for Rook to find you, he’d succeed. 

Rook loves to stare at you. He loves watching your expressions as you’re overtaken by joy and pleasure. He loves the flush on your face and the watery gleam of your eyes. The way you shake is like a dance, the sounds you make a magical symphony that he loves to listen to. 

Rook would stop if you asked him to, but he’s yet to miss an encounter. After all, you’d have to know he was there in order to tell him off, wouldn’t you? 

Epel Felmeir - 

The two of you were beside each other during what was supposed to be a lecture period. It was only the two of you in an empty hallway, and Epel gave you a look that said he didn’t want to be the one to ask. So, you dragged him back to Ramshackle, not noticing the watchful eyes of a hunter on you. You two were so excited that you didn’t even lock the front door before you threw him onto the couch and kissed him senseless. Lipstick covered his forehead to the base of his neck, and yours was smudged around your lips like a toddler had gotten ahold of it. 

Vil cleared his throat, staring at you from the entrance of Ramshackle dorm. Epel seemed to go through every stage of grief at once before he pulled himself off of you. You wisely escaped before the lecture began. 

Riddle’s face was bright red, his ears billowing steam. Compared to him, you looked calm and Trey looked like a saint. Luckily, you two were in a private corner of the Heartslabyul’s rose garden, so no one else saw. 

Trey practically ran away from the scene, walking as fast as he could toward the flamingos cage until he’d disappeared from sight. You pulled Riddle into your arms, though he swiftly exited again like he’d been burned. You could only smile and sighed exasperatedly when he began ranting about decency and why this was a bad idea to begin with. Lesson learned; Don’t kiss Riddle when you’re not in the comfort of his or your own room. 

Trey Clover - 

You’d been in the kitchen when it started. He’d reached around you to help mixing something when he’d added a kiss to the back of your neck. You’d leaned into him and giggled, and he’d continued pecking and nipping your neck. You traced your hands over his strong arms and felt his breath growing fast against you. 

You were interrupted by a scream that could have come straight out of hell. Both of you snapped toward the source of the sound, only to find Deuce staring at the two of you like he was discovering his parents in an affair, his eyes wide and pupils barely dots. 

You and Trey did not go back to kissing. Instead, Deuce stood guard until you had to leave, ensuring both of you maintained polite distance. Even after you exited the kitchen, Deuce saw you out instead of Trey, eyeing every other member of the dorm like they could also be a ticking time bomb ready to go off and kiss you, too. 

You couldn’t help but laugh to yourself as you left. It was rather funny the first time he did it. By the third time, on the other hand, you and Trey had resorted to baking dates in Ramshackle or study dates in the library. 

Cater Diamond - 

Cater hadn’t intended to get caught, he’d simply forgotten that he was streaming on Magicam. He’d been doing a get ready with me when you’d come in, asking him about some schoolwork. He’d helped you with the problem and you’d given him a kiss as payment. 

You were just off screen, of course, but everyone watching had heard your voice. Not to mention, Cater was leaning off the edge of his chair, the occasional noise of your lips meeting the only sound in the world. It wasn’t until you left that he turned around and recalled that he was on camera. 

Cater wisely chose not to acknowledge it, simply stating that his partner was so cute and going back to his content. He was more careful in the future, of course, not to get caught. Unless you wanted to be… Now, that was an entirely different story. He would have done it earlier! 

Ace Trapolla - 

Ace was, by all accounts, a little minx who would flirt with you anywhere. Private, public, in the park or in the middle of class. It was even better if the classroom was empty, when he could sink his fingers into your shoulders or waist and there was a chance that you wouldn’t shove him off. 

A man cleared his throat loudly. Slowly turning, you both saw the unmistakable face of your professor in the doorway of the classroom. If looks could kill, Crewel would have ensured that both of you were dead many times over. Ace grabbed your hand and, against all sound logic, pulled you out of the window with him. 

He was lucky you were on the first floor and could just keep running away, otherwise you would have ended him if the fall didn’t. On the other hand, Ace himself claimed to be the unluckiest man alive that night, when his stunt won him a week without any more kisses from you. 

Deuce Spade - 

Deuce had never been the sharpest tool in the shed. Unfortunately, it seemed as if it was fairly normal for his logical mistakes to revolve around birds. It was his turn to take care of the flamingos when it happened. You'd come to say hi and told him how nice he looked in pink. You were half-joking– As much as the color did suit him, the style of the uniform was rather unflattering– But poor Deuce had practically turned red. 

You kept laying on flattery after that. He was the most handsome fellow in the world and his muscles made you blush. It was just too easy to turn him into a tomato! Not to mention, he was so cute when he was trying to return your flirtations or even think straight…  

Then, Floyd came in like a bat out of hell, his voice louder than anyone should use in a small office. You jumped, falling off the desk. Azul stood up, raising his own voice at his old friend. Floyd was, of course, unfazed by Azul, dragging him out of the office to go look at whatever he wanted. 

You got up afterward, leaving the office as casually as you could. You ignored the knowing glint in Jade’s eyes as he saw you exiting the Monstro Longue. What he actually knew, you weren’t certain, but you decided not to think about it for your own peace of mind. 

Jade Leech - 

You two were on a nice, calm hike, just enjoying each other’s company, when Jade had teased you until you snapped and kissed him. After that, it was like a switch had flipped; You back was roughly pressed into the bark of a tree, his hands grabbing your hips as he tried to shove his tongue down your throat. 

You were so distracted that you didn’t even notice Silver approaching. Jade, on the other hand, did pick up on it. He simply didn’t care; What was one more person knowing that you were his? Any soul that saw this would surely leave the two lovebirds in the woods alone. 

Silver did as Jade expected and left. However, it was much to Jade’s later displeasure. He’d accidentally kissed you against a tree covered in poison ivy, a plant he’d never needed to identify before as it wasn’t in season when he began his hikes. The warning Silver intended to convey had fallen upon unwilling ears, and now the two of you had to pay the price. 

Floyd Leech - 

Floyd had been in a good mood all morning, and it had only gotten better once you showed up to practice. You didn’t always have the time to watch him practice, but on the occasions where you did, it always managed to make him grin. So it was no surprise when he brought you into the locker room and began kissing you against the locker! What, did you expect him to keep his hands to himself. 

Ace entered the locker room and took one look at the two of you before leaving. However, it was enough to ruin Floyd’s good mood. He pushed himself off of you and muttered something about having better ways to spend his time.