A face in which nothing is Dutch

I never see a cashier with an empty queue. Self-serve checkout machines make life GREAT for people with social anxiety or self conscious people. I get nervous that everyone is judging my weight. So when I do my monthly ice-cream, chocolate, and menstrual products run, I will do it with a fucking self-serve machine.

I’m happy seeing my friends take photos of their food. I like taking photos of my food. Because there is a chef in the back of the kitchen who works hard to plate things beautifully and in any other situation, people dive in immediately and ruin that image. We take photos to preserve that image and who the fuck knows, if I was the chef I would be digging through instagram hoping to see my plate on there. We’re celebrating someones hard work, work that is generally temporary.

And I don’t know what kind of friends you have, but if someone is taking a photo of their food, I’m not gonna bother talking to them until they’re done. Why would you try to have a conversation when someone is busy?? And it takes a few minutes, you can wait for someone who wants to perform a small act of creativity.

It’s nice to get likes on instagram. If you’re monogamous and on tinder, it’s not technology’s fault you’re contemplating cheating. What is SO BAD about having food delivered to your home? And is there anything wrong with having movies streaming instantly? No - but if you complain that Netflix takes up your life than be an adult and step back. It’s not technology’s fault that you have no self control.

Selfies are fun. Selfies are great. Your friend is a jerk if they don’t even take a minute to take of photo of you as well. Why do you care if people use technology around you on the subway? That makes me feel less self-conscious that people are staring or judging me. They can play their games, read, etc. Someone is occupied, why is that so wrong?

Your phone has a zoom option so you can record/photograph a concert? FUCKING good for you! 

And again. If your phone keeps you up, be an adult, get some self control and step back. 

US students will be able to shield themselves during school shootings with the latest in body armour, the Bodyguard Blanket

But it must be a statistical flaw, you say, there weren’t that many massacres before 1996, right? No, WRONG.  In the eighteen years leading up to Port Arthur, there had been 13 mass shootings. 

But April, you ask, this couldn’t possibly have worked could it? Wouldn’t it only have reduced the mass shootings? WRONG. Since 1996, there have been ZERO mass shootings. That’s right, ZERO. FUCKING ZILCH. There have been scattered homicides, however:

How many schools have been raided and children murdered? NONE. How many film buffs have been murdered in their seats? NONE. How many innocent lives have been lost to the barrel of a gun? NONE.

On top of this, homicides involving the use of guns, and youth suicide involving the use of guns has declined dramatically, by up to 60%

Australia, however much the environment tries to kill you, is a safe haven, and you can walk the streets with 99% assurance that you won’t fall victim to a drive by shooting.

in 1996 another lone gunman killed 16 children and their teacher, and then committed suicide. again within six months the uk government outlawed all handguns. special dispensation had to be issued in order to hold shooting competition as part of the 2012 olympic games, and british hopefuls had to train overseas.

you can legally own certain types of shotgun, .22 calibre rifles over a certain barrel length, and antiques. that’s it.

in the nigh-on twenty years since the uk has had one mass shooting. one. and we’re down to about 30 gun-related deaths annually.

Need a little pick-me-up?

commission prompt: “chris pratt and blue, but like, calvin and hobbes”