My One Month Stay at a Mental Health Facility
I was away for a month at a voluntary 'partial-hospitalization' mental health facility. Here's the story.
I've been back two days now and it's been rather hectic. I never saw Jody for that month. Electronics ban too.Â
Jody worked very hard to get the kitchen finally open. It only came together the day I came home. Our friend Marc also worked countless hours in getting the new wood counters finished. We are incredibly grateful. Hans for helping out with key details so I could go get help. And for my good friend JJ L for regularly checking in with Jody so often. And good âol Mom for the many prayers.
While Jody told some people I "look great" I need to clarify some important facts.
I still have severe depression and am on max meds by law.
I still have progressive neurological ills that cause my body chronic stiffness & pain, no use of my right foot & left foot is getting worse, and moody vocal cords. And to add a cherry on top Seasonal Adjustment Disorder (like some of you).
Yes, I feel very rested even though it was no retreat. Classes were six days a week 9-5. And we were responsible for our own breakfast and lunch. And not a single outing provided by The Center.Â
The core psychological method used was Dialectical Behavioral Theory (DBT) which focuses on four key isssues: Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Distress Tolerance, and Emotion Regulation. 1/3rd of the time was spent on that and 2/3rds on other classes like Down to Up (depression), Anxiety, Relationships, Boundaries, Men's Issues, Faith (optional), Nutrition and one-on-one meetings with a psychiatrist, nutritionist, naturopath, and three counselors. And even acupuncture once a week.
I attribute my feeling rested to a few things:
I was totally off the grid. No computer, phone or TV. Just my iPod. Some people needed their phones for one reason or another. But they used them for other purposes too. The problem is, come Monday, many of those people were triggered bad. When it came to my turn to talk I didn't want to boast, but I said I never saw my family or had my phone and I was in a very nice bubble. It was glorious. AÂ true day of rest as my roommates were never home on Sunday.
At night the guys in my building were like guys at a Frat (but no alcohol or drugs). We'd do our homework every night then sit around our condo and told lies and laughed a lot. It was awesome. I had two roommates for two weeks each. Both were fantastic. One 42 then 65.
My feet and voice held up pretty good so I could not be focused on that. I drove to the Center and avoided walking. I never took the elevator once in four weeks.
The mattress was good (not a small matter for me).
Downtown Edmonds is a nice! It's like a small town with many nice restaurants and sports restaurants. They have bar-restaurants that look a lot like bars. Beer signs all over with TV's for sports...and kids.
There were some negatives:
The current Center admin sometimes has a difficult time differentiating between a millennial addict and a mature adult that has no addiction issues. This, in turn, leads to The Center to âalways be rightâ attitude. I hope the Founder and President, Dr. Jantz addresses this soon.
My illness requires a bidet. And no bidet for a month made it rather 'interesting' to figure things out as the condo was four blocks away.
We've all seen rehab movies and I presumed there would be some group activities built in. Nope. They didn't even give ideas like Pike Place Market. It was the locals who were giving the out of State visitors the ideas.
To tell you how successful this program is, about 75% of the client's voluntarily extended a week or two (mostly two). Why? People start five days week so they get on the fast-moving train and the first 5-7 days is a blur. And many people come in while in a brutal condition. I'd say only 1/3 of clients have addiction issues. The most common condition is most often spiraling anxiety with depression. A recent suicide attempt was not that uncommon. And those were only the ones clients chose to share.
For many, the suicide topic is close and personal. Sometimes details are shared that are far too intimate. It's very humbling.
While I do not have abnormal anxiety issues, my heart goes out to people who suffer from it. It sounds god-awful...like you're being choked. Imagine freaking out over a toothpaste selection? And since it can come on at any minute, it's always on their mind. An anxiety attack is not hyperbole.
With no anxiety, thatâs why I can appear so normal. Itâs brutal when a friend comes up to me, knows your quite sick, and says âBut you look good!â The things we say to the mentally ill...
The good news is people with anxiety really can learn skills to cope with it. It's mind-numbing to see how much people can improve in dealing with anxiety in just a few weeks; from a total catatonic state to cracking a subtle joke while they even look at you.
Where depression is treated more with psychologically and counseling. But these are used for both depression and anxiety. How?
Are you following your core values? (not society's or your church's). If not that can cause much internal dissonance.
Are you delaying a passion because you feel you have to?
How is your mind processing thoughts?
Did you not grieve a big loss? That was one of my big epiphanies. I never grieved not being able to work, missing my clients of decades, and not being able to ride a bike ever again. Not one person ever said âWhoa. You had to sell your bike? That must have been a bad day.â Not even from people I used to bike with! It sounds like a Dr. Phil episode but itâs real. Remember, Grief and Bereavement are not always the same.
Do you need to forgive yourself? (I was surprised how many many people suffered from that).Â
Do you realize God will forgive you just for asking?
Are you letting people tromp on your boundaries? Have you even set any? Do you know how to say no? Or do you lie to avoid it?
Nutrition. For me, I need to avoid anti-inflammatory foods that might be making my nerves even worse.
Sleep. Talk about getting to basics. No wonder so many of the clients felt like crap.
Family support or guilt? Is it family or is it you thinking its family?
Figuring out when friends and family were out-of-line and to quit blaming yourself. The problem is friends and even family think just because that person was in treatment, that makes the curing 100% on the client. Simply...not...true. Many of the âfriendsâ sit there with there arms crossed waiting to see if they are âfixed.â That is every clientâs fear. And being home for only a few days now, I can say that is not paranoia. Itâs true. Many family and friends think and act like we were at a retreat. This seems especially true with Moms who have kids at home with Dad. And Dadâs with grown kids. Females clearly seem to have a deeper support bench than men. But whatâs new?
Boundary violations. I have very thick skin. I canât even imagine going through what I have, being thin-skinned. i.e. I really do want to hear about peopleâs bike rides. However, I do not want to hear about their âdevastating injuryâ that will prevent them from riding for all of six weeks. And then force pics of their knee surgery into my face. (Why do people carry those around anyway?) Itâs my own fault that I never told people âitâs better to share those injury stories with others. Since I canât ride anymore, I just canât muster the empathy you would appreciate.â While this sounds bitter it comes from hurt on my end, it is my own fault for not setting this boundary. I was salting my own hurt by my silence in order to make them always feel comfortable. Thatâs not a healthy way to heal.
How is your 'friends circle'? Who is really just an acquaintance on the outer part of the circle that you thought was a friend? We want to work on developing, and becoming, a âgood and dependable friend.â If you see the 3rd paragraph, youâll know who is in my inner circle...the ones who came through. This topic was a biggie for me. As for all of us, I have people I think of as good friends. i reach out them via invite or email at least once a week. But when I went off the grid for a month, the only text (from five âfriendsâ) was to borrow me and my truck. Eye-opening for sure.Â
Here are some variations of the Relationship Circles.
And the opposite happened. People I thought were almost acquaintances, lept into the loyal friend's circle. But that was in my mind as they were there all along. I just didnât know it.
So yes, some of it is like Dr. Phil. And while I hate the cliche malarkey, it is what it is.
Probably the most rewarding part was knowing I was supposed to be there when people first arrived and were a basket case. Some of those people said some things (or wrote a letter) when I 'coined-out' that really explained what they were going through when I approached them, introduced myself and made a sarcastic joke. (Believe it or not, my sarcastic wit was infamous. But I was never cynical).Â
It wasn't until the end that I realized these things that came easy for me, were gigantic things for others. Itâs just the way my wife Jody rolls, and Iâve learned a lot from her.
I often thought of my first Pastor in these four weeks. Pastor Scott (RIP) would have done the same. On a Sunday night, five of us went to this Alpha class (Christianity 101) at a nearby church (yes, a free dinner was provided). One young lady said her dad took her to a drab Synagogue on Saturday and her Mom took her to a cold, stale church on Sunday. After the video, she knew her loving parents were both right, and yet both wrong. I drew on both sides of a napkin of how I see it. Completely on her own, she was being called by God. It was real.
After the dinner and class, I felt Pastor Scott kicking me in the butt (jerk). So I said to her, 'First, being a Messianic-Jew is an incredible honor. Very few get to claim that. You can tell your parents they were both right. The (Jewish) Torah is 100% true. Read it and you'll see Jesus never contradicted a single word of it. As a matter of fact, Jesus fulfilled 353 Old Testament/Torah prophecies!â
âWhen you ask Jesus into your life, the Bible says you should get baptized very soon thereafter. (My friend was with us and was having huge doubts God would forgive him for his marital affair.) ____ can you find the scripture where the apostle baptized that foreigner on the road?â He said 'You mean Philip and the wealthy Ethiopian?' He found it in 20 seconds.Â
âA church or baptismal is not required. The health club has a pool and if you want, we can go right now.â
She didn't...but at least I asked.
Another guy I became friends with was also in a stale church and never been baptized. He was ready, if he hadn't already, to commit himself to a real and fresh faith in Christ. The conversation went like this:
Me: "We can go down to the health club and baptize you right now."
Him: "Oh, so you're a minister?"
Me: "Me? Heck no! But anyone can baptize a new believer."
He also did not take me up on my offer. My point is I was supposed to be there those four weeks. Not only for my own deep needs but otherâs needs too.
Sidenote: I could imagine even so-called 'healthy' people going to The Center - A Place of Hope as part of a sabbatical. Iâd go back to repeat my first weekâs class as I was in a fog.
Another epiphany I had was when they called a class for âEmotional Abuseâ and every male went to the class...except me. Gulp. I heard about some of these stories of their childhood in other classes. It was grotesque. It was like the scene from Good Will Hunting.
Sean: My father was an alcoholic. Mean fuckin' drunk. Used to come home hammered, looking to whale on someone. So I would provoke him, so he wouldn't go after my mother and little brother. Interesting nights were when he wore his rings...
Will: He used to just put a belt, a stick, and a wrench on the kitchen table and say, "Choose."
Sean: Well, I gotta go with the belt there, Vanna.
Will: I used to go with the wrench.
Will: Cus fuck him, that' why.
Yeah, it was really like that for most of them. Ironically, many feared the verbal over the physical abuse.Â
But it wasnât like that for me. I thanked God for not having to endure that. And I was thankful to my Mom for always having my back...not beating it.
While away, I put a lot of time into a Playlist of 12 songs that represents my thoughts before, during and after the visit. I might have put almost as much time in the order of the songs. If you want the list, email me. But there is one rule. You canât multi-task while hearing it. Itâs important to be mindful ( a key skill taught at the Center) and listen and fully comprehend the lyrics.
Who would have guessed one of the best facilities in the nation would be under 100 miles from my house? Clients came from all over the U.S. for a reason. The Center knows what they are doing. No weird juju. Their system really works.
Iâm not âcuredâ and likely never will be. But I am more aware of how to keep the depression from spiraling: admit & manage some things like grief, nutrition, weak relationships, and boundary violations.
It was a very positive experience at the Center. Iâm glad I went. I never thought I'd be the one in a mental health facility. But then again, who does?
Now on to face the winter and yet still Build a Life worth Living.
PS Yes, itâs true I got my first Tat while away. It was something I had been thinking about for a long time. This was not on a whim. What does it mean? Whatever you want it to mean.
A must watch Netflix comedian Neal Brennan
