Anyway, I write almost exclusively Dustin angst so if that's your vibe check some of these out
-
My point is, I get it, okay?
Summary: Dustin visits Max in the hospital after she wakes up. He talks about his father to help her come to terms with her own guilt.
Or
I give Dustinâs family a backstory
Words: 2332
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
All that was left were the memories
Summary: Mike learns about Eddie's death and he and Dustin reminisce about their friend
Words: 2465
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
show me how to unfreeze time
Summary: The only things Dustin felt were Eddie's unnaturally cold body, his unblinking eyes staring up at him, and his blood covering Dustin's shaking hands.
-
Steve, Robin, and Nancy finding Dustin after the battle
Words: 1098
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
Clumsy
Summary: Dustin Henderson was clumsy. Everyone knew this. His friends had grown used to steadying him whenever he tripped over his own feet. Despite this, he was always sporting some kind of injury.
Dustin Henderson was clumsy. At least from the perspective of those around him. He knew that most of his injuries could have been avoided if only he had been a little more careful. He didn't want to be careful.
Or
Dustin has unhealthy coping mechanisms
Words: 3150 (2 chapters)
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
I want to give up but not if doing so kills you
Summary: Dustin is tired.
He is tired of feeling guilty, tired of nightmares, and tired of failing.
When Vecna comes to end his suffering, Dustin might have let him if only he hadnât said he was coming for his friends too.
So he would fight for his life only to save his friends.
-
My take on Dustin getting Vecna'd
Words: 2248
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
Let me help you heal
Summary: Joyce Byers knows a thing or two about losing someone you love. She knows the ache that comes with grieving them, and she knows the guilt that comes from not being able to save them
Or
Joyce helps Lucas and Dustin heal
Words: 1417
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
Hospital Visits
Summary: Lucas never left Max's side. From the moment they entered the Creel house, he was constantly beside her. He was there in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, and now he was sitting in the chair by her hospital bed.
-
But he wasn't always alone
aka the 'everyone visits Max and/or Lucas in the hospital' fic you didn't know you needed
Words: 13917 (10 chapters)
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
Anger
Summary: Dustin doesnât know what to do with all this anger. Why is he the only one who cares about Eddie? The anger keeps growing, filling him up until thatâs all he feels. Anger.
-
A look into why Dustin is behaving the way he is in ST5
Words: 1075
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
Isn't this what we do for each other?
Summary: Something goes wrong on the way to Vecna's lair.
Dustin decides they don't need him anymore.
He just doesn't understand why Mike of all people is making such a big deal about it.
Words: 1610
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
Addicted to Pain
Summary: Dustin discovers that pain is very useful when he needs a distraction from every emotion threatening to break him down. He doesn't want his friends to stop him from hurting himself, and brushing away their concern is easy when every injury is because of accidents or assholes beating him up. They don't need to know that the accidents were preventable and the assholes provoked.
Words: 2019
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
I deserve to feel miserable and you deserve to live (so please let me go)
Summary: Steve doesnât know what he did to make Dustin push him away. He desperately wants to be there for him.
Dustin isnât interested in any feelings of comfort, and heâs trying to make sure Steve doesn't meet the same end as Eddie. He has no choice but to push Steve away.
Words: 1261
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
You're not alone anymore
Summary: âI canât stop thinking about that moment. In that moment I felt - I felt so -â
Lucas struggled to find the right word before it suddenly came to him. But not from his mind. No, it came from Dustinâs mouth.
âUseless"
If it wasnât for the sadness - and recognition? - In his voice, Lucas might have thought Dustin just confirmed all his fears. That he really was useless and should have done more to help Max.
But when he looked over at Dustin, the boy was fiddling with his rings, fixated on the floor with a vacant look in his eyes.
-
Dustin never told anyone about Eddie dying in his arms. Lucas is the first one to find out and it strikes him how similar their situation was. Max dying in his arms. Eddie dying in Dustinâs.
Words: 4837 (2 chapters)
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
You would tell me if you heard the clock, right?
Summary: Max wakes up early from her coma, and she recognizes the way Dustin is acting a little too well. She doesnât want him to go down the same path as her, and sheâs afraid Vecna will target him like he did her. So she promises herself to keep Dustin close and make sure heâs okay.
-
This fic follows Max and Dustin during the 18 month time jump all the way up to the start of season 5.
Words: 9408 (5 chapters)
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
empty graves and scattered minds
Summary: Dustin doesnât know how to grieve properly. But heâs pretty sure he isnât supposed to feel empty.
-
What happened during and after that cemetery fight? Kinda a missing scene but more about Dustinâs thoughts and feelings at that time.
Words: 1512
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
Keep that curiosity door locked
Summary: Dustin takes one look at Mr. Clarke in the Upside Down and desperately wants him to walk away from all danger. He doesnât want to have to worry about losing another person to the horrors lurking beneath Hawkins.
Mr. Clarke hears the words 'Dustin' and 'danger' and knows he has to save his favorite student.
-
The missing Dustin and Mr. Clarke reunion we should have gotten.
Words: 2827 (2 chapters)
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
It gets easier with friends around
Summary: What do you do when the friend who usually never shuts up is suddenly quiet? Well, you get him to talk again, of course.
Dustin and Max catch up. Dustin reveals something he shouldnât have. Max learns about Eddieâs death. They talk about grief, guilt, and smacking people over their heads? Oh well, hop along for the ride.
-
The Dustin and Max reunion we should have gotten.
Words: 2845
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
Drowning
Summary: Mike hadnât known how much Dustin was struggling until he found himself hurting in the same way as him. They meet up at the quarry to keep each other company through complicated feelings and maybe eventually they heal.
-
Dustin talks and Mike listens, but somewhere along the way he starts to understand.
Words: 3855
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
Just a mile
Summary: Then, when sobs turned to sniffs, and hammering hearts turned to steady beats, Steve tried to lighten the mood and put on his best teasing voice.
âYou know, maybe you should practice your running? Get a little faster so you can outrun the monsters instead of tripping. You should join me on my next run.â
And it was nothing but a joke, yet for some reason, Dustin agreed to it, and he looked so eager to do so that Steve couldnât find it in himself to admit that he wasnât serious.
OR
Steve and Dustin have a heart to heart and then they go for a run? Fun times.
Words: 1036
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
Feeling Stuck
Summary: They saved the world on a Friday, and Max knew that the day after was a Saturday, but every day blurred together, and time didnât feel real. It could have been hours, days, or even weeks; she wouldnât know. She was still stuck there, that Friday, watching the Upside Down disappear, taking El with it.
âŠ
âWant me to go in with you?â Steve asked, while helping her out of the car and into the wheelchair. Max nodded, because, yeah, she didnât want to do this alone.
And she wanted to get better, she really did. She wanted nothing more than to wake up knowing what day it was - that it wasnât still Friday.
OR
Max has a long road to recovery, but luckily Steve is there to drive her to and from physical therapy and cheer her up on the way.
Words: 3772
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
Written Goodbyes
Summary: For a second, she was confused as to why Dustin had the letter she wrote to Steve, but then she looked at it, really looked at it, and that definitely wasnât her handwriting. Thatâs when she noticed that the letter was just the first one in a whole stack. She picked them up and flipped through them.
Steve. Mom. Lucas. Mike. Will. El. Suzie. Robin. Nancy. Erica.
Some part of her had a pretty good idea of what those letters were. Though another part was refusing that thought steadfastly, desperately searching for some other logical explanation.
Until she got to the last letter.
Max.
And she knew. She knew without a doubt what those letters were going to say. But her mind couldnât wrap itself around it - didnât want to.
-
Max finds out Dustin has written some letters of his own.
Words: 4883
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
-
Dustin's guide to grieving (Series)
Dustin copes with Eddie's death by hiding behind masks
Works in series:
All the ways to hide yourself
Summary: Dustin was only there in fragments. Pieces of himself that he played up in an attempt to shove aside his real feelings. They called those fragments his masks, and they never knew which mask he would hide behind on any given day.
OR
Dustin refuses to talk about how utterly broken he feels, and hides behind six different masks. The Party is worried about him and wishes he would just talk to them.
Words: 1807
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
I see my reflection in your eyes
Summary: Dustin hadnât known how his grief looked to the people around him until he wasnât the only one grieving. Until he saw that same grief mirrored in his friends.
OR
Dustin realizes that he has been hiding behind masks when the rest of the party starts doing the same thing.
Words: 8358 (7 chapters)
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
Ao3 Series Link Tumblr Series Link
-
Hearts Beating in Sync
Summary: Dustin has a flashback of Eddieâs death and Steve helps him calm down.
OR
Dustin listens to Steveâs heartbeat.
Words: 1036
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
friends have a way of finding you, even in the darkest of places
Summary: During preparations for the final battle against Vecna, Mike, Lucas, Dustin, and Hopper fall into a trance. Vecna traps them in his mind, in a world where he has changed their lives in drastic ways. It's up to Will, Max, Steve, and El to rescue them from this world so they can finally defeat Vecna. But first they have to convince their friends that the life they're living is fake, which is easier said than done. Especially since Vecna has meddled quite a lot in at least one of their friends' lives.
(very loosely based on Agents of Shield's Framework arc)
Words: 47703 (15 chapters)
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
Birthday Celebrations
Summary: Dustin had always loved his birthday. It was more than just the gifts, it was the celebration and spending time with his loved ones. It was impossible to be sad on such a day.
Thatâs what he used to think anyway.
Then Eddie died.
OR
A look into how grief affected Dustinâs desire to celebrate his birthday through the years.
(a lil fic I wrote in honor of Dustin's birthday)
Words: 4007
Ao3 Link Tumblr Link
Reckless
Summary: Steve never jumped into something he thought he wouldnât survive. He wasnât ever trying to get himself killed as Dustin had implied.
OR
Dustin calls Steve reckless and Steve can't stop thinking about how it's actually Dustin who is the reckless one.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
Free to watch âą No registration required âą HD streaming
gaten shouldve won an award for the 'eddie, stop, stop, eddie please' scene he fucking killed that the immediate switch from empowered Fight fear of LET'S GO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR to the stark naked fucking fear when he looks up from the cut rope in his hands
Once the door closed, Dustin and Mike burst out in uncontrollable laughter.
"Did you see his reaction? It was priceless!" Dustin yelled through his amusement.
"Yeah! Your acting was so good that even I was convinced for a second that you loved me!" he joked back.
Dustin quieted, probably surprised by his own acting abilities, Mike thought.
Then they realized they were still holding hands, and when they let go, a beat of awkward silence followed before a new bout of laughter broke out.
-
Ted finds out Will is gay and says something homophobic. Mike comes to the conclusion that there's no better way to get back at him than pretending to date his least favorite person. But how much of it is really fake in the end?
AKA a Wheelerson Fake-Dating AU
Read on Ao3
Words: 6553
-
âAre you staying on campus for Thanksgiving?â he asked into the phone.
âYeah, Iâm having dinner with some friends,â Will replied before adding, âTheyâre like meâ
Mike could almost hear the smile in Willâs voice. He was so happy Will had found a place he could be himself. Â
âYou know you can say gay, right? Itâs just me hereâ
Mike heard a chuckle come from the other end. âYeah, I know, but itâs a bit more than that; itâs a whole communityâ
âThatâs great! Iâm glad youâve found thatâ
âYeah, me too,â Will said, and the conversation drifted to other topics. Like what they would do over the break and how much homework they had, which projects they were working on - what Will was painting, what Mike was writing.
Unbeknownst to Mike, his father had picked up the other phone in the house and listened in on the whole conversation.Â
It did not take long for him to find out, though. Ted Wheeler was not one to hide his contempt.Â
It started with snide comments about homosexuals. But Mike didnât question that since his father had always had such opinions. The Wheeler house wasnât really religious; it had nothing to do with perceived sin. It was more that Ted thought it was unnatural and disgusting. He was perfectly okay with it as long as they stayed away from him. Thatâs what he usually said. He had always looked down on everyone who was different.
It wasnât until he referenced Will directly that Mike pieced together that he had overheard, or more accurately intruded on, his and Willâs conversation.
âI feel for the woman, Karen. Imagine having to live with the knowledge that your boy is a queerâÂ
It was said over the dinner table, and Mike immediately saw red. He screamed at Ted that he had no right to take away his and especially Willâs privacy like that. Ted hadnât let a single emotion slip by and answered that he was the one who paid the phone bill, so he didn't see a problem with it.
Mike went to his room fuming and slammed the door. He lay in the dark, spilling tears of anger and guilt. Anger that his father had so little regard for his friends and guilt that it was his conversation with Will, his words, that had revealed the knowledge about Will in the first place.Â
After an hour, a plan formed in his head.Â
If Ted was so horrified by the thought of having a son who liked boys, well then Mike would just have to make him live that nightmare. He could pretend for a while. Maybe it would teach Ted a lesson or two.
He just needed someone who would play along. Someone who would agree to enter into a fake relationship.Â
It couldnât be Lucas. Not that he wouldnât have said yes. Max would probably even have encouraged him to do so. But everyone knew he and Max were very happy together, so stealing Lucas away for the scheme wouldnât work.
Mike wouldnât even entertain the thought of asking Will. His friend didnât deserve more of Ted Wheeler's disgust to be directed at him. No, Will had been through enough. Mike was doing this for him.
Besides, there really was only one correct choice for this.Â
Dustin Henderson.Â
Truth be told, Mike hadnât even given the others much thought.
It was almost too perfect. There was no chance Dustin would pass up an opportunity to piss Ted off. He was already under the impression that it was his personal mission to do so. And he was succeeding at that because Mike knew his father would almost pass out at the mere thought of Dustin becoming a permanent part of the Wheeler family.Â
So Mike called Dustin - on the walkie this time since prying ears would ruin it - and explained the situation. Dustin jumped on board instantly. Even going as far as to brainstorm ideas for the story of their blossoming romance.Â
Mike couldnât remember the last time he had had so much fun.Â
They made sure to let their friends know about the plan. It didnât feel right to deceive them. Not that they wouldnât have figured out immediately that it was fake.Â
Max thought it was hilarious. She said she wished she could see Tedâs face in person when they told him. Lucas was more wary of their plan. He didnât want them to subject themselves to unnecessary hate. Mike told him he didnât really care what his father thought. Will was a bit apprehensive as well, but Mike and Dustin assured him that they would be careful.Â
They spent a few more days developing a plan before putting it into action.
The day before Thanksgiving, Dustin showed up at the Wheelersâ house with a beautiful bouquet of flowers.
Mike let his father open the door while he watched from the bottom of the stairs.
âIs Mike home?â Dustin asked with a bright smile. Mike couldnât help the smile tugging on his lips too. That was just the effect Dustin had; his smiles were always very contagious.Â
Ted sighed and nodded his head before walking away so Dustin could step inside. Then he poked his head into the kitchen.
âKaren, find a vase; the boy brought you flowersâ
Mike saw the mischievous glint in Dustinâs eyes before he spoke up again.
âOh no, these arenât for Mrs. Wheeler. Theyâre for Mike!â he said, and went over and wrapped Mike in a tight hug.
Ted froze, and Mike had to fight the urge to laugh. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that Dustin was having a similar battle.
âWhy would you bring my son flowers?â he asked, his face going through several different emotions as he waited for Dustin to answer. Before he could, Karen joined them by the stairs.
âDustin, dear, itâs good to see you. How is your mom?â She greeted, and gave him a quick hug.
âSheâs fine, thank you for asking,â he replied with a smile before turning to look at Mike, a confused look in his eyes. âYou havenât told them?â
Damn, he was good at acting. Mike would have to tell him he had chosen the wrong career path.Â
âI thought I would wait till you got here,â he said, hoping his acting was at least the tiniest bit as convincing as Dustinâs.Â
They faked a bit of whispering before Mike turned to face his parents.
âMom, Dad, Dustin and I are together,â he said, looking down at the floor. It puzzled him a bit. He had wanted to see his fatherâs reaction, but for some reason waves of nerves washed over him. It didnât matter, though, because he still got to hear it.
âWhat!â he exclaimed, and Mike finally raised his head to look him in the eyes. Ted looked as if he were in disbelief, lingering in terror. Mike was torn between deep fear and utter amusement.
âWeâre in a relationship,â he said, keeping his head high, daring his father to challenge him.
âLook, son, I know youâre upset with me, but you donât have to act up like this,â Ted said after a few beats of silence. Dustin replied this time.
âWhatever do you mean, sir? This is all still very new,â he said with a smug smile as he laced his fingers with Mikeâs before adding: âThen again, maybe it isnâtâ
There was a layer of nerves in his voice, so at least Mike wasn't the only one feeling a little nervous about this act of theirs. That was to be expected; there was still a chance they wouldn't manage to pull it off.
He was taken aback when he looked over at Dustin and was met with his blue eyes staring back. There was a softness swimming in them that he couldn't describe, and a small smile plastered on his face. Mike really had to step up his acting game. He tried to look back at Dustin with the same look.
They held eye contact for a few seconds before Dustin pressed a tender kiss to his cheek.
Mike ignored how the touch of Dustin's lips made his cheeks heat up and his legs sway - it was the nerves, after all.
Instead, he turned his focus to where Ted stumbled backwards. A chair saved him from falling. He looked as though he was questioning reality. Mike's father had seen a Demogorgon in the flesh, but this was incomprehensible to him. It was hilarious.
Both Mike and Dustin were fighting a tough battle not to crack.
Then Karen put a hand on each of their shoulders.
âAs long as you guys are happy, then you have our full support,â she said kindly before turning to her husband and, more harshly, calling out to him, âIsnât that right, Ted?â
There was a weak grunt, and Mike almost snorted just as his mom turned to them again.
âI think youâre good for each other,â she whispered before wrapping them both in a tight, squeezing hug.
The genuineness in that sentiment made an unexplainable warmth spread through Mike's chest, and he let out a tiny smile.
âThank you,â he replied quietly and dragged Dustin up to his room as Karen walked back to the kitchen to prepare dinner.
Once the door closed, Dustin and Mike burst out in uncontrollable laughter.
"Did you see his reaction? It was priceless!" Dustin yelled through his amusement.
"Yeah! Your acting was so good that even I was convinced for a second that you loved me!" he joked back.
Dustin quieted, probably surprised by his own acting abilities, Mike thought.
Then they realized they were still holding hands, and when they let go, a beat of awkward silence followed before a new bout of laughter broke out.
Dinner was uneventful. Ted did not utter a single word while Karen kept the conversation going by asking Dustin how school was. Mike held his hand the entire time.Â
Dustin slept on a mattress on the floor beside Mike's bed, but just before the whole house went to sleep, Ted opened the door and cleared his throat.
âThis stays open,â he said stiffly, gesturing to the door, and then promptly left.
Once his footsteps had disappeared down the hall, Dustin leaned up to Mike and whispered: âWouldnât it be hilarious if he woke up to find me in your bed?â
They both started laughing hysterically again. Mike was grateful the dark hid away the blush that no doubt crept up on his cheeks.Â
Whatever, it had caught him off guard, and it was a totally normal thing to feel flustered about.
Half the night was spent talking about whatever topic their minds supplied. They even talked a bit more about what they would say if they were asked how they got together. Dustin had, as always, the most perfect idea. It was that idea Mike fell asleep thinking about.
They kept up the ruse the whole weekend, and Mike had so much fun that he was almost sad when they had to go their separate ways.
Luckily, Christmas break was right around the corner, so they would get to freak out Ted again soon.
Which they did. Mike convinced his parents to let Dustin and his mom come over for Christmas. Karen had immediately agreed and made it clear to Ted that he had no say in it.Â
After dinner, they all retreated to the living room where Dustin snuggled into Mike on the couch, and their hands stayed linked the whole night. Ted was radiating disdain, glancing over at them every few minutes to make his disapproval known.
They felt a bit bad about lying to Mrs. Henderson about their relationship. But she was terrible at pretending and would have blown their cover immediately, so they had deemed it necessary to keep her out of the loop. She had been so ecstatic when she found out they were together that she had squeezed Mike in a tight hug and even shed a few tears of happiness.
Christmas came and went, and Mike once again dreaded when school called them back away from each other - away from all the fun.
But Mike quickly learned that Dustin was also enjoying the opportunity to fuck with Ted a lot - so much that it was hard to stay away.Â
They both started visiting Hawkins much more. At least once a month, they found themselves having dinner together at the Wheeler House.Â
When Spring Break rolled around, Mike expected them to tone it down that week because he knew Dustin always got stuck in his own little bubble of grief so close to the anniversary of Eddieâs death. But Dustin still pressed a tiny kiss to his nose and reached for his hand when he stepped into Mikeâs house.Â
He was quieter, though, so Mike made sure to give him the extra support he needed. He even kept their hands intertwined when they went to sleep, dangling a hand over the edge of his bed for Dustin to hold. But when he heard tiny sobs come from the mattress on the floor, he tugged on Dustin's hand and gestured for him to come up on the bed. Mike held him close, letting Dustin's head rest on his chest, and dragged a hand through his curls until his breath evened out.Â
It felt nice to lie there together. Mike told himself it was just because he was always cold and Dustin provided a lot of warmth.
When he woke up, still snuggled close to Dustin, he couldn't deny that it had been a long time since he had slept that well.
Even if Dustin was currently drooling on his shirt.
After breakfast, they decided to visit Eddieâs grave. Mike could almost see the tension leave Dustinâs body when they got there. They talked a bit about past campaigns with Hellfire and let Eddie know about the ones they played with The Party.Â
When Dustin started talking about how much he missed Eddie, Mike looked around to see if they were alone and put his arm around Dustin. He leaned into Mikeâs side, and they sat like that for an hour.Â
Later, a voice inside would ask Mike why he had wanted to check if they were alone, since it wasnât a crime to comfort a friend. He told that voice it was simply because he wanted Dustin to grieve without prying eyes.
Just before Spring Break was over, they went over to have dinner with Mrs. Henderson.
Steve was there too. Dustin's mom had practically adopted him after Dustin went away to college. Mike had a feeling Steve did not mind at all. He adored Mrs. Henderson. And since Robin was also back in town for Spring Break, and she and Steve came as a package deal, she was also invited. It was no secret that Claudia was always thrilled to spend time with them.
Mike was less thrilled about Steve and Robinâs presence because Steve kept staring at Dustin as he absentmindedly rubbed soothing circles on Mikeâs back, and Robin couldnât stop sending them knowing glances. It was confusing because Mike was pretty sure Dustin had already let them know it was all pretend.
He ignored them as best he could, which wasnât hard; he was distracted by the hollow feeling he got when he realized he would soon have to part ways with Dustin again.
They couldnât visit Hawkins as frequently in the following months because exams snuck up on both of them. But they talked over the phone as much as they could.
It wasnât until summer break that Mike began to notice a shift in the way he thought about his fake relationship with Dustin.
Mike arrived in Hawkins a few days before Dustin did, and one morning after they had spent half the night talking on the phone, Mikeâs father pulled him aside.
âListen, son, I know I have said some stuff in the past that wasnât okay, but I want you to know that I do support your lifestyle,â he said, putting a hand on Mikeâs shoulder.
Mike felt inexplicable happiness bubble up inside him. He thought back to the last couple of times Dustin had visited, and it was true, his father had seemed less disapproving and more indifferent lately.Â
His thoughts were interrupted when Ted kept talking.
âBut did you have to get with the Henderson kid? Heâs the most disrespectful boy Hawkins has to offer.â
Mike should have felt satisfied. His plan succeeded. Ted had improved his views and learned the lesson Mike had set out to teach him.
It also should have been amusing to see his fatherâs annoyance about Dustin - about it being him Mike was in love with. That was the sole reason Mike had specifically reached out to Dustin about the plan.
Instead, anger replaced the happiness, and Mike felt a burning need to defend Dustin.
So thatâs what he did. He spent the next few minutes ranting to a stunned Ted Wheeler about how amazing Dustin was. Mike mentioned his brilliant mind, his blinding smile and contagious laughter, his funny jokes, and warm hugs. He talked at length about how his presence alone was enough to cheer him up.
Then he stormed up to his room and slammed the door.
As he got his breathing under control, a new thought entered his mind.
What did it mean for his and Dustinâs fake relationship that Ted had actually changed? Should they end it?
No, they should keep it going just to spite Ted. Yeah, that was definitely the only reason. Not because it filled Mike with a deep sorrow he couldnât explain if he thought about not having Dustin by his side that way anymore.
They spent the whole summer together. Sometimes with their friends, sometimes alone, but always together. They didnât even spend that much time at the Wheeler House, yet Mike realized that there wasnât much difference in how they behaved in front of Ted and away from him anymore.Â
He filed that thought away for later, or maybe never.
That had been too optimistic because the second time he noticed his feelings about the relationship shift, it was because he was confronted directly by that very thought he had shoved down.
On one of the last days of summer break, he was having a movie night in his basement with Dustin, Lucas, and Max.Â
Lucas and Max were snuggled together on one side of the couch, and Dustin and Mike mirrored them on the other.Â
Then, when Dustin went upstairs to pop some more popcorn and get them more to drink, Lucas turned to look at Mike.
âSooo whatâs up with you and Dustin?â he teased, wiggling his eyebrows.
âWhat do you mean?â Mike asked, confused. âYou know weâre only pretending to be together to piss off my fatherâ
âWell, Mike, Ted isn't here right now, and youâre looking pretty couple-y at the moment,â Max said, gesturing to the space Dustin had just vacated.
âWhat?!â Mike sputtered and stood up to sit in the chair instead, avoiding eye contact. âNo, we just sometimes forget. Thatâs allâ
âSuuuuure,â they replied at the same time with twin smug smiles on their faces.
âShut up,â Mike said, and tried to focus on the movie.
After a few minutes, Lucas spoke up again. More softly this time.
âHow long are you going to keep it up?â
âI donât know,â Mike replied, refusing to look at Lucas.
âCâmon, man, if youâre not careful, youâre both gonna get hurtâÂ
Before Mike could ask Lucas what he meant by that, Dustin stomped down the stairs, arms loaded with snacks and drinks. He looked confused at the now empty space on the couch and briefly glanced at the chair Mike had moved to before he sat down and stared motionless at the TV. Mike told himself he had imagined the look of disappointment and sadness on Dustinâs face.
He fought the urge to return to the couch, missing the warmth of Dustin pressed up against him.
Besides, he was too busy freaking out about how this would all end anyway. He didnât want it to end. Why didnât he want it to end?
The third time, there was no denying it anymore.
They were both home for the weekend, studying in Mikeâs room when they heard the unmistakable sound of Ted making his way down the hallway towards them.Â
Just before he opened the door, Dustin threw his book and notes aside, cupped Mike's face, and pulled him into a kiss. Because of the speed at which he had scrambled towards Mike, he fell halfway on top of him, pinning him to the bed. Mikeâs own book and notes slid to the floor.Â
It was a quick kiss - over before Mike could even process what had happened, before he could kiss back.
Ted stood in the doorway with wide eyes, looking like he had forgotten how to breathe.
A few seconds of silence followed. Dustin was locked in a staring contest with Ted, and Mike was lost in his own thoughts before Ted eventually stammered out that dinner was ready and hurried down the hall again.
Dustin erupted into a fit of laughter, and joyful tears rolled down his cheeks.Â
Until he noticed that Mike was still silent.
âWhoa, Iâm sorry, was that too far?â He asked, as a look of panic washed over his face. His hand hovered over Mikeâs shoulder as if he was afraid he wasnât allowed to get closer. Mike hated that. He craved his familiar touch.
âNo, no, itâs okay. It just surprised me. Thatâs all,â He quickly said, and let out a breath of relief when Dustin finally let the hand fall to rest on his shoulder.
Then Dustin stood up from the bed and held out a hand to Mike. âCome on, letâs go see if we managed to break your dadâ
Mike gave him a quick smile but waved his hand away. âGo ahead, Iâll be there in a few minutes.â
âYou sure?â he asked, brows scrunched in concern.Â
Mike nodded and watched him skip out the door with a smile on his face.
Once Dustin was out of sight, Mikeâs fingers slowly found their way to his still tingling lips. His chest ached, and he had never been more certain that it was because he missed the softness of Dustinâs lips on his. He mourned the chance he had had to kiss Dustin back.
When he finally made it to the dinner table, he couldnât even enjoy the traumatized look on his fatherâs face. He was far too focused on the electricity that went through his whole body from where Dustinâs hand rested on his knee.
Mike definitely didnât like the idea of the relationship ending.
What that really meant for him, he had no idea.
So when he was home alone one day, with no risk of anyone intruding on his conversation, he called up someone who might know.Â
âHey, Will, how did you know you liked boys?â he said the second he knew the phone had been picked up.
âHello to you too, Mike,â Will scoffed lightheartedly. âDoes this by any chance have something to do with whatever you and Dustin are up to?â
âSorry, hi, yeah. Iâm in a bit of a situation. I kinda donât want us to stop this fake relationship ever. Does that mean I like boys too? Do I like Dustin like that?â The words stumbled out of him.
âWell, only you can really answer that question, but I can try to help you figure it out.â
âYes, please.â Mike sighed, feeling endless gratitude for his friend.
âOkay, well, how do you feel when you think about him dating someone else?â Will asked.
âHorrible,â he replied, leaving out that the thought made him want to bury himself alive and disappear from the face of the earth so he wouldnât have to watch someone else hold Dustinâs hand.
Will hummed, "Okay, do you want to kiss him and hold him when Ted isnât there to witness it?â
âI want to do it especially when he isnât there. Oh my god, I want to spend every second of every day with Dustin. Shit.â Mike felt his eyes widen and his heart beat faster.
He heard a laugh on the other side of the phone. âI think the evidence speaks for itselfâ
âItâs not funny, Will, help me!â he said, desperately willing his heart to calm down.
âSorry, sorry,â he said, then, after a minute of silence where Mike thought they had lost the connection, âyou know you were the one who made me realize I liked boysâ
âWhat?â Mike gaped. That was not what he had expected Will to say. It did, however, briefly distract him from his spiraling thoughts about Dustin.
âYeah, when I talked about my Tammy, I was talking about youâ
Mike thought he had been talking about Lucas that day, but the truth suddenly made the puzzle pieces slip into place. He felt terrible that he hadnât realized it before it was spelled out for him.
âThe fight we had at Rink-O-Mania, it all makes sense now. I felt how tense you were in California. I couldnât figure out why at the time." Then something hit him. âOh my god, the painting was never commissioned by El - it was always from you, wasnât it?â
âYes,â Will sighed, a tinge of sadness in his voice.
âIâm so sorry I never noticed, Will.â Mike hoped his apology was enough to make up for years of clearly not paying attention to his best friend.
âItâs okay, maybe for the best even. I got over it. I got over you,â Will said, and Mike heard the truthfulness in his words.
He wondered if, in another world, things had turned out differently.Â
âYou know, Dustin once said my total obliviousness blew his mind. Iâm beginning to see what he meant by that.â Mike laughed.
âYeah, heâs rarely wrong,â Will replied, and Mike could hear the smile in his voice.
âI think I really like him, Will,â he said, feeling a smile tug at his own lips. Then a jolt of sadness went through his chest. âDo you think Iâm betraying El?â
âWhat? No, absolutely not,â he said softly. âWherever she is right now, she would want you to be happyâ
Mike knew it was true, and he couldnât deny that Dustin did make him happy. He wanted the happiness he had felt for the past year with Dustin to continue for the rest of his life.
âI really donât want what we have to end, but it feels deceiving and selfish to keep it going knowing it matters differently to me,â he whispered sadly.
Then a spark of hope ignited in him at the possibility that Dustin felt the same way.
âDo you think thereâs a chance he likes me too?â Mike asked.
He was afraid Will only had a devastating answer to give him as all that met him was a pause of complete silence.Â
âI donât want to speak for him, but maybe think about that obliviousness of yours. Thereâs a chance you might find the answer there,â Will finally replied with a bit of hesitance.Â
âWait, do you know something?â Mike asked, furrowing his brows. He got the sense Will was leaving things out.
âNo, I just-, uh, you guys got really close after we defeated Vecna, thatâs all,â he sighed, and Mike could almost see him trying to shake off the awkwardness before he spoke again. âYâknow you could always just ask himâ
He wanted to tell him that was insane, that the thought of asking scared the shit out of him. But before he could, Will told him he had to run and hung up, leaving Mike alone to think about what he had said.
So he did exactly what Will told him to do. He confronted that obliviousness and thought back to see if he had neglected to pay attention to signs from Dustin too.
Mike thought about the many times Dustin reached out to hold his hand when no one was around to witness it.
He thought about how, lately, during their sleepovers, Dustin had started to vacate the mattress on the floor in favor of climbing into Mike's bed to snuggle close to him. Not that Mike had been bothered about it. He was beginning to realize that he sort of always hoped Dustin would do that.Â
Then he thought about how Dustin had talked about setting up a Cerebro at Mikeâs house, and both their colleges, so they could speak together constantly without worrying about prying ears or phone bills. That was something he had only previously done for Suzie.
He also thought about how he hadnât heard Dustin mention going on any dates since they started their fake relationship, and Dustin used to go on many dates before that. There was even that time Mike visited him at his college where a girl approached him, and Dustin clearly made it known he wasnât interested. He even stepped a bit closer to Mike as he rejected her, which Mike appreciated greatly because he had been seconds away from taking Dustinâs hand in his to show her he was taken - even though he really wasnât. Mike had just momentarily been consumed by what he now recognised as jealousy.
Lastly, he thought about how Dustin had said the relationship might not be very new when they first introduced it to Mikeâs parents. Maybe Dustin hadnât been acting. Maybe he really meant it when he said that there had been feelings before that day too. Will had specifically mentioned that they got close after Vecnaâs defeat.
It was true. They did spend a lot of time together after that final battle. They both felt so consumed with grief after El left them. Mike felt like he could finally understand how Dustin had felt after Eddieâs death. He remembered feeling so ashamed that he hadnât been there for him while he grieved his friend.Â
Dustin had confessed that he didnât know how to deal with yet another loss, and they both agreed to lean on each other - to help each other through the grief. Maybe that really was where it all had started.
Mike was hit with a sudden memory.
Dustin found him sitting on the edge of the cliff at the quarry. He wasnât there to jump, no, he had come to sit there quietly and reminisce. Dustinâs lack of alarm told him that part of him recognized that - that perhaps he had once been the one sitting where Mike sat now.
âThis was the first place she saved me,â Mike sighed as Dustin sat down beside him.
âI know. I was there,â he chuckled, his voice dripping with sass, though something else Mike couldn't pinpoint was buried under it.
âI was terrified watching you jump. I thought I had lost you,â Dustin continued, quieter, almost inaudible, eyes locked on the water beneath them. A look of sorrow washed over his face.
For the first time, Mike thought about that day from Dustin's perspective.
âIâm sorry for scaring you. I would do it again in a heartbeat, thoughâÂ
Mike couldnât lie; it was the truth. He would do anything to save his friends. It would always tear at his soul that he hadnât been able to save El.
âI know. Iâve kinda had to come to terms with the fact that Iâm friends with a bunch of self-sacrificial idiots.â Dustin shot him a sad smile. âIâm so glad El was there. God, I miss herâ
Dustin let a few tears slip down his cheeks, and Mike gently laid his head on his shoulder. âMe tooâ
Then Dustin laid his head on top of Mike's, put his arm around him, and hugged him close.
They sat like that for a few minutes before Dustin got up and held out his hand for Mike to take.
"At least we still have each other, right?" he asked, and Mike grabbed his hand and let him pull him up.
As they stood there, Mike noticed Dustin's eyes glance down at his lips several times, and he realized he hadn't answered him. That was probably what he was waiting for.
"Yeah, forever," he replied softly, watching closely as Dustin gave him one of those bright smiles he was so known for. Although it looked more fond, and if Mike didn't know better, a little nervous too.
He seemed to shake a thought away before leaning in to press a soft kiss to Mike's forehead and pulling him into a hug.
It was weird. They were standing so close to the edge of the cliff that one gentle breeze could push them off of it, but still, Mike had never felt as safe as he did there in Dustin's embrace.
They walked away from the Quarry hand in hand.
Mike told himself the shiver that ran through his body was caused by the wind swirling around.
Now he wasnât so sure.Â
Maybe those many months they had spent feeling lost helped them find each other?Â
Together they had picked up their broken hearts and glued them back piece by piece. Mike thought that maybe somewhere along the process those pieces mixed and created two beautiful mosaic hearts of shared pain and love.
Now that he really thought about it, it was embarrassing that it had taken him so long to realize his feelings for Dustin.
That first night of their fake relationship, Dustin had suggested their love story include a letter Mike had written proclaiming his love for Dustin.
A letter detailing how he had slowly, through many moments, figured out that he loved him.
A letter that had resulted in Dustin dropping everything and driving to Mike's college to kiss him senseless.
A letter Mike had started writing in his head the moment Dustin fell asleep. He told himself it made sense to have it ready in case they were asked about it.
Mike had his whole imagination at his disposal - so many scenarios he could have come up with to describe how he fell in love with Dustin. But still, all he could think about were things that had actually happened.
It was how they had spun each other around in excitement the day they both got their acceptance letters.
It was sleepless nights talking about everything they had been through - promising to always be there for each other.
It was how Dustin's presence was always enough to brighten his day, no matter how dark it had looked before.
It was moments of lighthearted banter and shared laughter.
It was learning when they'd accidentally hurt the other and knowing when to apologize.
It was lingering hugs full of comfort and warmth.
It was how they somehow always ended up snuggled together during movie nights.
It was, well, it was enough for Mike to want Dustin to realize and actually kiss him senseless.
At the time, he had chalked it up to tiredness and pushed the thought away by going to sleep. Now he knew she should have looked into it more deeply.
Thinking everything through was what gave him the courage to tell Dustin he wanted their relationship to stop being fake.
It happened almost exactly a year after they first started acting like they were together to freak out Mikeâs father.
They were both home for Thanksgiving, currently sitting on Dustinâs bed, each reading a comic book. Slowly, as they read, their hands inched closer together before Dustin eventually linked their pinkies.
It felt so casual, yet intimate at the same time.
Mike let himself disappear in the closeness for a few minutes before his true feelings spilled out.
âI donât think I can pretend anymore,â Mike said, laying his comic book aside. He tried to keep the anxiety out of his voice, but he wasnât sure the effort was doing any good when he was looking anywhere but at Dustin.
âIâm lost. What are you talking about?â Dustin asked, putting his own comic book down on the bed and shifting so he faced Mike.
Mike braved his fear and looked over at Dustin, gesturing between them, âThisâ
âMichael Wheeler, are you breaking up with me?â Dustin gasped, a joking glint in his eyes, as he dramatically clutched one hand over his heart.
But Mike knew him too well. Dustin always masked his hurt under sarcasm or jokes. Except, right now, the disappointment he felt was simply a result of a misunderstanding. Mike wouldnât let Dustin linger in that any longer than necessary.
âNo, Iâm trying to tell you that I think I actually love youâ
Dustinâs eyes widened, and he stared at Mike for so long that he began to question if his longing had made him see reciprocation where it never was. So much so that when Dustin glanced down at his lips for a few seconds, Mike was certain he had imagined that too.
Mike took in a shuddering breath. âPlease say somethingâ
Dustin didn't do that: Instead, he surged forward and captured Mikeâs lips with his own.
Mikeâs hand found its way into Dustinâs curls, and Dustin wrapped his arms tightly around Mike. The kiss was messy and desperate, but passionate - so much better than their first. Especially since it lasted long enough for Mike to get over the surprise and kiss Dustin back. After a while, they relaxed a bit more and started smiling, almost giggling, into it.
Once they parted for breath, Mike wanted to dive right back in. Instead, he composed himself so they could get their heartbeats under control and process what had happened.
He couldnât help but poke a little fun at Dustin, though.
âTechnically, you didnât actually say anything,â he smirked as he raised his eyebrows.
âI thought that made it clear enough.â Dustin's laughter sounded like music to his ears.
âI donât know, I think you could have been a little clearer. Why donât you say it again?â Mike responded, pointing at his lips with a smug, teasing smile as he leaned in.
âOh, shut up,â Dustin said, shoving Mike away with a matching smile tugging at his lips.
Make me almost slipped out of Mike's mouth, but instead he took matters into his own hands.
Mike had a feeling every kiss from now on would get better.
After that last kiss, they didnât speak about it further. The mutual understanding that they both wanted the same thing was enough. So they went back to reading their comic books, linking their pinkies together.
Nothing about their relationship or the way they acted together had really changed.Â
The only difference was that they stopped pretending it was fake.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
Free to watch âą No registration required âą HD streaming
Gaten Matarazzo with the full cast and company of the 30th Anniversary revival of RENT the musical on the West End! Rehearsals have been going for a full week now. Previews start September 26th and Opening Night is October 8th!
Such a beautiful cast!! So excited to see Gaten thrive here!
welcome (always. forever.) by some_pomegranate_tea
Dustin lingers on Steveâs doorstep for a good ten minutes before he knocks. He knows Steveâs parents are goneâlocked out by the quarantineâbut heâs worried somehow anyway. Or maybe he doesnât want to ruin Steveâs night. He mightâve cared about that, in the beginning.
When he does knock, and Steve does open the door, Dustin has this whole plan of what to say. Everyoneâs fine, heâll say, because Steve will think the monsters are back. Iâm fine, heâll say next, because Steve will think heâs dying. Sorry about your doormat, heâll joke, because thereâs blood in the center of the O in WELCOME.
Instead, he bursts into tears.
Dustin, Do You Copy? by SilverShadow1
âHear us out, man. Weâre worried.â
âOh, yeah? You should be. I donât like being lied to. That used to mean something to you.â
OR
Dustin continues to grieve Eddie. Someone finally understands and addresses it.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
Free to watch âą No registration required âą HD streaming
The look in Mikeâs eyes before he makes the decision. Dustin is being threatened with a knife and Mike canât possibly fight against that. Jumping, though, thatâs something he can do, and he would do anything for his friends but that doesnât mean he isnât scared. Then Dustin pleading with Mike not to do it. He was so terrified standing there with a knife to his face not being able to do anything to stop his friend. The absolute horror and devastation in his eyes when Mike jumps. You can literally see his heart stop for a second before he runs to the edge.
Yeah all of that? Perfection. All the praise to Finn and Gaten for their acting in that scene.
And then all the angst that comes thereafter? Mike maybe developing a small fear of heights. Him having nightmares about what would have happened if El hadnât been there. Dustin having those same nightmares and also thinking Mikeâs death would have been his fault and feeling extremely guilty about that.
I wonât ever stop thinking about the quarry scene.
The look in Mikeâs eyes before he makes the decision. Dustin is being threatened with a knife and Mike canât possibly fight against that. Jumping, though, thatâs something he can do, and he would do anything for his friends but that doesnât mean he isnât scared. Then Dustin pleading with Mike not to do it. He was so terrified standing there with a knife to his face not being able to do anything to stop his friend. The absolute horror and devastation in his eyes when Mike jumps. You can literally see his heart stop for a second before he runs to the edge.
Yeah all of that? Perfection. All the praise to Finn and Gaten for their acting in that scene.
And then all the angst that comes thereafter? Mike maybe developing a small fear of heights. Him having nightmares about what would have happened if El hadnât been there. Dustin having those same nightmares and also thinking Mikeâs death would have been his fault and feeling extremely guilty about that.
I wonât ever stop thinking about the quarry scene.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
â Live Streamingâ Interactive Chatâ Private Showsâ HD Qualityâ Free Actions
Free to watch âą No registration required âą HD streaming
âEl, what the hell are you doing here?!â he exclaimed as quietly as he could, not wanting to draw unwanted attention to her.
âCan I come in?â she asked, and Dustin wanted to say no; he didnât want company, but El wasnât supposed to be out in the open. So instead of turning her away, he stepped away from the window and helped her into his room.
âHow did you get here?â he asked her as they sat down on his bed.
âThe tunnelsâ
-
Dustin has a horrible day at school and El comes to check up on him.
Read on Ao3
Words: 3393
-
Exactly one year after Hawkins split in four, Dustin found himself lying on his bed staring up at the ceiling after an absolutely horrible day at school.
At the start of the day, he told himself she should just skip school. But there would be a memorial event in the gym for the people Hawkins had lost, and Dustin knew he had to show up to represent the loss no one was willing to acknowledge.Â
So he put on his Hellfire shirt and biked alone to Hawkins High in silence. He had declined his friends' offers to go together because he knew they would comment on what he had chosen to wear. It wasnât like he didnât know it would cause trouble. Maybe part of him was counting on it.
He barely made it three steps into the school before being slammed into a locker.
âWhat the hell do you think youâre doing, Henderson?âÂ
âWell, this is a school. I think Iâm here to learn stuff; you should try doing the same, Andy,â Dustin replied with a smug and tired smile.
âDonât get smart with me. Why are you wearing that shit?â Andy spat, digging his pointer finger into Dustinâs chest.
âItâs a shirt. Iâm allowed to wear a shirt, Dumbassâ Dustin said, holding eye contact with the jock in front of him.
âNot that shirt. Not today, freak,â Andy replied, putting even more pressure on Dustinâs chest with his finger.
Dustin pushed Andyâs hand away. âToo bad, now get off meâ
âNo, whatâs too bad is that that waste of space satanic murderer didn't take you down with him!â Andy yelled right in Dustinâs face.
âWhat did you just say?â Dustin replied, venom coating his voice. It was one thing to insult him, that he could take, but the minute they mentioned Eddie, thatâs usually when he became a loose cannon.
âTake off the shirt,â Andy said coldly.
âOh, Iâm flattered, but I donât swing that way,â Dustin replied, knowing that would rile Andy up.
He knew the fist would come flying before Andy even lifted his hand. Dustin couldnât help the laugh that escaped his lips. His mind had been screaming:
Do it, punch me, give me an excuse.
Dustin did not waste the opportunity and landed a hit right to Andyâs nose.Â
After that, it was a blur of kicks, punches, and shoves. Dustin was pretty sure his eyebrow was split and his ribs bruised, maybe even a mild concussion from when he was pushed so hard to the ground that his head bounced hard on the floor when he landed. The only silver lining was that Andy had blood pouring from his nose and a slowly forming bruise on his jaw the shape of Dustinâs rings.
The fight was interrupted by the announcement that every student should make their way to the gym for the memorial event.
âDonât let me catch you wearing that shit again,â Andy said and spat blood towards Dustin as he left.
Dustin let the rest of the students leave the hall before he too made his way to the gym.Â
When he found the empty seat next to The Party, they fussed over him, asking what had happened. Dustin did not miss the way they all glanced at his shirt with disappointment in their eyes. He was glad that Higgins started his speech before they could try to make him answer all their questions or start berating him for his choice of wardrobe.
âGood morning, students. One year ago, Hawkins went through an unfathomable tragedy that no human should ever have to experience. The grief has been immense, but I am proud to live in a community that came together instead of letting sorrow push us apart. We stand much stronger together against whatever challenges are being sent our wayâ
Dustin let out a scoff, and he could feel the stares on him. Hawkins only came together to blame the one person who had tried to save them. The fact that Dustin wasnât even allowed to wear a stupid shirt in peace was proof enough. He pushed down the anger he wanted to let out at everyone.
âWeâre gathered here today to remember the souls we lost last year. Hawkins High was hit especially hard. We lost so many bright minds. Chrissy Cunningham, Fred Benson, Patrick McKinney, Jason Carver. Max Mayfield is still fighting for her life. We send our every prayer her wayâ
Max didnât need prayers, he thought; she needed to wake up. Dustin felt Lucas tense beside him and saw Will put a hand on his shoulder. He wished he could offer the same support, but his hands felt burning hot with rage as Higgins made it clear he was done going through the list of the honored fallen. He had held on to the hope that Higgins would keep stupid conspiracy theories out of it and mention Eddie. But he should have known. The town had done nothing but disappoint him the past year.
The fury he had tried so hard to keep contained exploded out of him, and he was on his feet before his mind even caught up.
âSay his name, you asshole!â He yelled, and felt every single pair of eyes turn to him.
âSit down, Mr. Henderson,â Higgins urged, and Dustin could see the panic and poorly disguised hatred in his eyes.
âNo! Eddie Munson! He died too, and he deserves to be remembered the same as everyone else.â Dustin could hear his voice crack, and he felt small yet bigger than all of them at once.
âMr. Henderson, I strongly advise you to sit down right this secondâ
âYou have no idea what he did for you, for all of you!â Dustin said, angry tears threatening to spill over as he felt Lucas tug on his arm, wanting him to sit back down too. He pulled himself free and continued,Â
âYou just want someone to blame, but it wasnât Eddieâs fault! If you want to blame someone, blame the government for not preventing this or the military for keeping us locked in here!â
Mike yanked Dustin down, and in the haze of lingering rage and grief he realized that he may have said too much. Still, he shrugged off the hand Mike laid on his shoulder.
Distantly, he heard Higgins continue his speech awkwardly. Good, he deserved to be uncomfortable. Eddie deserved better than this school, this town.Â
When Higgins dismissed everyone, Dustin felt his eyes follow him as he stood to leave. He had a feeling he would not be going to class today.
That feeling turned out to be correct. Just before Dustin managed to slip out of the gym, Higgins caught his arm and sternly told him to follow him to the office.
Once they got there, Higgins closed the door and stared at Dustin in disappointment long enough for Dustin to wonder whether he was going to say something or hope the scolding could be done telepathically.
âLet me get this straight: first you assault a fellow student.âÂ
Dustin should defend himself, tell Higgins that Andy threw the first hit, but he had a feeling it wouldnât matter. Just like Eddie would always be the bad guy in their eyes, Dustin was it by association.Â
Besides, he didnât want to waste more of his voice or energy on the man. Itâs not like he would listen anyway.
âAnd then you have the gall to disrupt the memorial and prevent everyone from mourning in peaceâ
He felt the familiar anger sneak up on him again, and he wanted to yell at Higgins that he had it the wrong way around. Dustin was the only one who wasnât allowed to grieve. Still, he kept quiet.
âOne week of suspension, Mr. Hendersonâ
He didnât care. Andy would probably be let off with a slap on the wrist, even though Dustin was clearly more bruised and beaten down than he was. There was no point in arguing.Â
âIâll call your mom to come get youâ
Dustin stood up. The words âdonât botherâ got stuck in his throat, so instead he sent a middle finger over his shoulder as he walked out of the principalâs office.
He ignored the stares everyone sent his way, and when he walked past The Party he picked up his pace and pretended he couldnât hear them calling after him.
Once he got to his bike, he drove away from the school as fast as he could.
Not home, but to Eddie.
Every pedal sent a jolt of pain through his bad leg, like it hadnât spent the past year healing. Dustin didnât care; he just pressed harder.
When he got there, he didnât even read the no doubt vile words painted on the grave; he simply cleaned it up and sat down against it, feeling like he could finally breathe properly for the first time that day.
He berated himself for not just going to Eddieâs grave in the first place. This was where he should have been.
After an hour, he decided it would be best to go home so he didnât freak his mom out further.
When he got to his house, the empty driveway told him his mom wasn't home. He wondered if Principal Higgins had decided not to waste time calling her. It was that, or he had called, but she couldnât get off work, or she didnât want to.Â
She had been picking up more extra shifts, and Dustin had a sinking feeling it was because she didnât want to deal with him. He couldnât exactly blame her. He didnât want to deal with himself either.
But if it was the second option, then she had no doubt called Steve and asked him to go pick Dustin up from school and maybe talk some sense into him. He could almost hear the conversation in his head.
âOh Steve, Dear, would you mind getting Dustin? He got in trouble at school againâ
Then Steve would sigh and tell her, âOf course, Mrs. Henderson,â because he didnât know how to say no to the woman.
Ugh, Dustin cleaned the cut above his eye, put some ice on his bruised knuckles, and then went to lie down. He stared at the ceiling and waited for Steve to show up so he could tell him to get lost.
Hours went by, and Dustinâs theory that Higgins hadn't even bothered to call gained more merit. Until there was a knock on his window. Weird, Steve usually just waltzed in through the front door without knocking. There was no reason for him to go through the window. Dustin wasnât Nancy after all.
Well, it didnât matter whether he used the front door or the window; Dustin still didnât want to talk to him.
âGo away, Steve,â he said as he opened the window, fully intending to leave it at that and close it again. That was until he caught sight of the person outside. Not Steve.
âEl, what the hell are you doing here?!â he exclaimed as quietly as he could, not wanting to draw unwanted attention to her.
âCan I come in?â she asked, and Dustin wanted to say no; he didnât want company, but El wasnât supposed to be out in the open. Especially not when the military likely had more soldiers on alert and on the lookout, since it was the first anniversary of Hawkinsâ fall. Not to mention that Dustinâs little stunt at school had most certainly gotten back to them too. They had ears everywhere.
So instead of turning her away, he stepped away from the window and helped her into his room.
âHow did you get here?â he asked her as they sat down on his bed.
âThe tunnelsâ
Oh, thatâs right. Dart had made sure there was a tunnel right from El and Hopâs cabin to Dustinâs storm cellar. He had forgotten it was there. It had been a while since he had to sneak materials to and from the Squawk while he built the telemetry tracker.Â
He let out a breath of relief knowing that it meant El hadnât unnecessarily exposed herself to get to his house.
âWell, what are you doing here?â he asked.
âI came to check on you,â she said, laying a hand on his shoulder. âAre you okay?âÂ
Dustin was ready to tell her he was fine, but he couldnât get the words out. He couldnât get himself to lie. Not to her. She had spent her whole life being lied to and used. Dustin would not join the list of people who had deceived her.Â
âNo, Iâm not,â he said, and fought the urge to tell her that he would be. Because that would also be a lie - Dustin wasnât sure he would ever be okay.
âDo you want to talk about it?â she asked, voice heavy with sadness.
âNo,â Dustin answered, because that was the truth. He didnât know how to talk about it, and figuring it out felt like too big of a task to tackle.
El nodded, and they sat in silence for a while before she broke it.
âI heard about the mouthbreather-â
âDonât worry about it,â Dustin interrupted her because he had no interest in thinking more about that asshole.
âYou punched him,â El finished, and Dustin felt that familiar spark of anger light up inside him.
âListen, El, Iâm really not in the mood for a lesson right now,â he said, trying to keep the rage out of his voice.
âNo, thatâs not-â she started, and then looked to the floor, avoiding his gaze. âItâs just, I get itâ
âWhat?â he asked, genuinely confused. That was not what he had been expecting.
There were a few beats of silence before she looked up at him and spoke up again. She seemed to have a hard time gathering her thoughts.
âBack in Lenore. No one liked me. They poured a milkshake on me, and I punched someone,â she said before ducking her head again, âwith a skateâ
âHoly shit, El,â he said, willing his voice to stay soft despite the feeling of anger creeping up on him on her behalf, âIâm sorry that happened to youâ
âYeah, Mike yelled at meâ
âHe did what!â Dustin exclaimed, screw trying to keep his rage contained.
âItâs okay. I know now that he was just worried about meâ
âDoesnât mean he had the right to yell at you,â Dustin said, but he couldnât help but understand Mike. His friend rarely yelled to cause harm, and Dustin was slowly learning that sometimes concern manifested as anger. Grief did too.
El hummed, âHeâs also worried about you. They all areâ
âWell, thatâs good to know,â Dustin replied, and he hadnât meant for it to come out quite as harsh or sarcastic as it did. It was good to know. Dustin hadnât been the easiest person to be friends with lately, and part of him was scared they had all given up on him.
El hopped down from the bed and looked around his room for a bit as Dustin sat and collected his thoughts. He noticed her fiddle with something and went over to see what it was.
Eddieâs tapes.
âMr. Munson gave them to me before he moved. Itâs the music Eddie listened to. Do you want to hear some of it?â he asked her.
When she nodded, he popped his favorite tape out of its case and put it on. The first note played out, and El flinched. Dustin had forgotten that the volume was turned all the way up.Â
âItâs loud,â she yelled over the music.
âSorry,â he replied sheepishly. He wanted to bash himself over the head for scaring her.
âNo, itâs okay. Itâs louder than thoughts,â she said, and smiled as she started bobbing her head along to the music.
Dustin froze, finger hovering where he had been about to turn down the music. El grabbed his hand and steered them back to the bed. When they sat down, she put her head on his shoulder. Dustin sat rigid beside her.
Was that why he liked the music? Because it was loud? He preferred to listen to it on the highest volume. It made it easier to tune out his momâs concerned sobs. Dustin hated knowing that she was crying because of him. He liked the music because it sounded good, but Elâs comment made him realize that maybe some of it was because it did drown out his own thoughts. He wondered if that was why Eddie had liked it too?
Dustin relaxed and leaned against El, resting his head on hers.
Together they sat and enjoyed the silence of the loudness.
At some point, Dustin gave in to the exhaustion that had begun to seep into his bones, as well as to the comfort and warmth El provided, and fell asleep. He didnât have a single nightmare. Dustin wondered if she mightâve had anything to do with that.
When he woke up, the music was turned off, and El was gone. In her place was the extra blanket from his closet - the one he had once let her borrow when she was cold during one of The Partyâs movie nights.
Dustin vaguely remembered, through his drowsiness, that she wrapped it around him and hugged him before she crawled out the window and disappeared.
He returned to the position he had been in before El visited.
About eight months later, he found himself once again with his eyes glued to the ceiling. There were dried tear tracks down his cheeks and his pillow was damp on both sides. Dustin didnât care. He was too focused on what wasnât there.Â
Comfort and warmth.
El.
She was gone, and Dustinâs chest ached. He hadnât known it was possible to miss someone so much it physically hurt.
With Eddie, that ache had been disguised, buried beneath all the anger.Â
Another tear escaped his eye. He wanted nothing more than the ability to wrap his arms around El and tell her everything would work out.
But he had missed his chance.Â
Too lost in grieving, he missed the signs of her slipping away.Â
If he hadnât been so busy pushing everyone away, would he have noticed it?
The question was driving him insane. There was no telling what would have happened, but the possibility that it could have changed things made the guilt swallow him whole.Â
Not to mention that he still felt responsible for her death in the first place. It was his plan that killed her. He came up with the idea of a bomb, and he would forever beat himself up about that.
Dustin lay in the dark thinking about those damn tunnels.Â
El used them to visit him a few more times after that first one, and Dustin even walked through them to the junkyard to see El train once during one of his many other suspensions from school. Hopper hadnât exactly been thrilled, but there wasnât really anything he could do about it.
Now, he wished he had used those tunnels even more. The tunnels that connected them. He had wasted the last time he could have spent with El. It was time he would never get back. Moments forever lost to regrets.Â
The tunnels were still there, taunting him. It made him want to dig at them until his hands were bloody and the tunnels gone. Or maybe he could dig himself a new connection to El wherever she was.Â
Instead, he lay quietly in the dark, not daring to drown his thoughts out with music.
He thought about how those tunnels still connected him to his other friends - Will now at Hopâs cabin with Jonathan and Joyce, and Robin and Steve at the Squawk. No, he would never take those tunnels or his friends for granted again.
He vowed to do the opposite of pushing everyone away. He would keep a tight hold on all his friends. Then maybe he would notice if they ever started slipping away like El, so he could stop them before it was too late. He would allow them to do the same for him.Â
Once the sun bathed Hawkins in the rays of a new day, Dustin would go check up on Mike.
âEl, what the hell are you doing here?!â he exclaimed as quietly as he could, not wanting to draw unwanted attention to her.
âCan I come in?â she asked, and Dustin wanted to say no; he didnât want company, but El wasnât supposed to be out in the open. So instead of turning her away, he stepped away from the window and helped her into his room.
âHow did you get here?â he asked her as they sat down on his bed.
âThe tunnelsâ
-
Dustin has a horrible day at school and El comes to check up on him.
Read on Ao3
Words: 3393
-
Exactly one year after Hawkins split in four, Dustin found himself lying on his bed staring up at the ceiling after an absolutely horrible day at school.
At the start of the day, he told himself she should just skip school. But there would be a memorial event in the gym for the people Hawkins had lost, and Dustin knew he had to show up to represent the loss no one was willing to acknowledge.Â
So he put on his Hellfire shirt and biked alone to Hawkins High in silence. He had declined his friends' offers to go together because he knew they would comment on what he had chosen to wear. It wasnât like he didnât know it would cause trouble. Maybe part of him was counting on it.
He barely made it three steps into the school before being slammed into a locker.
âWhat the hell do you think youâre doing, Henderson?âÂ
âWell, this is a school. I think Iâm here to learn stuff; you should try doing the same, Andy,â Dustin replied with a smug and tired smile.
âDonât get smart with me. Why are you wearing that shit?â Andy spat, digging his pointer finger into Dustinâs chest.
âItâs a shirt. Iâm allowed to wear a shirt, Dumbassâ Dustin said, holding eye contact with the jock in front of him.
âNot that shirt. Not today, freak,â Andy replied, putting even more pressure on Dustinâs chest with his finger.
Dustin pushed Andyâs hand away. âToo bad, now get off meâ
âNo, whatâs too bad is that that waste of space satanic murderer didn't take you down with him!â Andy yelled right in Dustinâs face.
âWhat did you just say?â Dustin replied, venom coating his voice. It was one thing to insult him, that he could take, but the minute they mentioned Eddie, thatâs usually when he became a loose cannon.
âTake off the shirt,â Andy said coldly.
âOh, Iâm flattered, but I donât swing that way,â Dustin replied, knowing that would rile Andy up.
He knew the fist would come flying before Andy even lifted his hand. Dustin couldnât help the laugh that escaped his lips. His mind had been screaming:
Do it, punch me, give me an excuse.
Dustin did not waste the opportunity and landed a hit right to Andyâs nose.Â
After that, it was a blur of kicks, punches, and shoves. Dustin was pretty sure his eyebrow was split and his ribs bruised, maybe even a mild concussion from when he was pushed so hard to the ground that his head bounced hard on the floor when he landed. The only silver lining was that Andy had blood pouring from his nose and a slowly forming bruise on his jaw the shape of Dustinâs rings.
The fight was interrupted by the announcement that every student should make their way to the gym for the memorial event.
âDonât let me catch you wearing that shit again,â Andy said and spat blood towards Dustin as he left.
Dustin let the rest of the students leave the hall before he too made his way to the gym.Â
When he found the empty seat next to The Party, they fussed over him, asking what had happened. Dustin did not miss the way they all glanced at his shirt with disappointment in their eyes. He was glad that Higgins started his speech before they could try to make him answer all their questions or start berating him for his choice of wardrobe.
âGood morning, students. One year ago, Hawkins went through an unfathomable tragedy that no human should ever have to experience. The grief has been immense, but I am proud to live in a community that came together instead of letting sorrow push us apart. We stand much stronger together against whatever challenges are being sent our wayâ
Dustin let out a scoff, and he could feel the stares on him. Hawkins only came together to blame the one person who had tried to save them. The fact that Dustin wasnât even allowed to wear a stupid shirt in peace was proof enough. He pushed down the anger he wanted to let out at everyone.
âWeâre gathered here today to remember the souls we lost last year. Hawkins High was hit especially hard. We lost so many bright minds. Chrissy Cunningham, Fred Benson, Patrick McKinney, Jason Carver. Max Mayfield is still fighting for her life. We send our every prayer her wayâ
Max didnât need prayers, he thought; she needed to wake up. Dustin felt Lucas tense beside him and saw Will put a hand on his shoulder. He wished he could offer the same support, but his hands felt burning hot with rage as Higgins made it clear he was done going through the list of the honored fallen. He had held on to the hope that Higgins would keep stupid conspiracy theories out of it and mention Eddie. But he should have known. The town had done nothing but disappoint him the past year.
The fury he had tried so hard to keep contained exploded out of him, and he was on his feet before his mind even caught up.
âSay his name, you asshole!â He yelled, and felt every single pair of eyes turn to him.
âSit down, Mr. Henderson,â Higgins urged, and Dustin could see the panic and poorly disguised hatred in his eyes.
âNo! Eddie Munson! He died too, and he deserves to be remembered the same as everyone else.â Dustin could hear his voice crack, and he felt small yet bigger than all of them at once.
âMr. Henderson, I strongly advise you to sit down right this secondâ
âYou have no idea what he did for you, for all of you!â Dustin said, angry tears threatening to spill over as he felt Lucas tug on his arm, wanting him to sit back down too. He pulled himself free and continued,Â
âYou just want someone to blame, but it wasnât Eddieâs fault! If you want to blame someone, blame the government for not preventing this or the military for keeping us locked in here!â
Mike yanked Dustin down, and in the haze of lingering rage and grief he realized that he may have said too much. Still, he shrugged off the hand Mike laid on his shoulder.
Distantly, he heard Higgins continue his speech awkwardly. Good, he deserved to be uncomfortable. Eddie deserved better than this school, this town.Â
When Higgins dismissed everyone, Dustin felt his eyes follow him as he stood to leave. He had a feeling he would not be going to class today.
That feeling turned out to be correct. Just before Dustin managed to slip out of the gym, Higgins caught his arm and sternly told him to follow him to the office.
Once they got there, Higgins closed the door and stared at Dustin in disappointment long enough for Dustin to wonder whether he was going to say something or hope the scolding could be done telepathically.
âLet me get this straight: first you assault a fellow student.âÂ
Dustin should defend himself, tell Higgins that Andy threw the first hit, but he had a feeling it wouldnât matter. Just like Eddie would always be the bad guy in their eyes, Dustin was it by association.Â
Besides, he didnât want to waste more of his voice or energy on the man. Itâs not like he would listen anyway.
âAnd then you have the gall to disrupt the memorial and prevent everyone from mourning in peaceâ
He felt the familiar anger sneak up on him again, and he wanted to yell at Higgins that he had it the wrong way around. Dustin was the only one who wasnât allowed to grieve. Still, he kept quiet.
âOne week of suspension, Mr. Hendersonâ
He didnât care. Andy would probably be let off with a slap on the wrist, even though Dustin was clearly more bruised and beaten down than he was. There was no point in arguing.Â
âIâll call your mom to come get youâ
Dustin stood up. The words âdonât botherâ got stuck in his throat, so instead he sent a middle finger over his shoulder as he walked out of the principalâs office.
He ignored the stares everyone sent his way, and when he walked past The Party he picked up his pace and pretended he couldnât hear them calling after him.
Once he got to his bike, he drove away from the school as fast as he could.
Not home, but to Eddie.
Every pedal sent a jolt of pain through his bad leg, like it hadnât spent the past year healing. Dustin didnât care; he just pressed harder.
When he got there, he didnât even read the no doubt vile words painted on the grave; he simply cleaned it up and sat down against it, feeling like he could finally breathe properly for the first time that day.
He berated himself for not just going to Eddieâs grave in the first place. This was where he should have been.
After an hour, he decided it would be best to go home so he didnât freak his mom out further.
When he got to his house, the empty driveway told him his mom wasn't home. He wondered if Principal Higgins had decided not to waste time calling her. It was that, or he had called, but she couldnât get off work, or she didnât want to.Â
She had been picking up more extra shifts, and Dustin had a sinking feeling it was because she didnât want to deal with him. He couldnât exactly blame her. He didnât want to deal with himself either.
But if it was the second option, then she had no doubt called Steve and asked him to go pick Dustin up from school and maybe talk some sense into him. He could almost hear the conversation in his head.
âOh Steve, Dear, would you mind getting Dustin? He got in trouble at school againâ
Then Steve would sigh and tell her, âOf course, Mrs. Henderson,â because he didnât know how to say no to the woman.
Ugh, Dustin cleaned the cut above his eye, put some ice on his bruised knuckles, and then went to lie down. He stared at the ceiling and waited for Steve to show up so he could tell him to get lost.
Hours went by, and Dustinâs theory that Higgins hadn't even bothered to call gained more merit. Until there was a knock on his window. Weird, Steve usually just waltzed in through the front door without knocking. There was no reason for him to go through the window. Dustin wasnât Nancy after all.
Well, it didnât matter whether he used the front door or the window; Dustin still didnât want to talk to him.
âGo away, Steve,â he said as he opened the window, fully intending to leave it at that and close it again. That was until he caught sight of the person outside. Not Steve.
âEl, what the hell are you doing here?!â he exclaimed as quietly as he could, not wanting to draw unwanted attention to her.
âCan I come in?â she asked, and Dustin wanted to say no; he didnât want company, but El wasnât supposed to be out in the open. Especially not when the military likely had more soldiers on alert and on the lookout, since it was the first anniversary of Hawkinsâ fall. Not to mention that Dustinâs little stunt at school had most certainly gotten back to them too. They had ears everywhere.
So instead of turning her away, he stepped away from the window and helped her into his room.
âHow did you get here?â he asked her as they sat down on his bed.
âThe tunnelsâ
Oh, thatâs right. Dart had made sure there was a tunnel right from El and Hopâs cabin to Dustinâs storm cellar. He had forgotten it was there. It had been a while since he had to sneak materials to and from the Squawk while he built the telemetry tracker.Â
He let out a breath of relief knowing that it meant El hadnât unnecessarily exposed herself to get to his house.
âWell, what are you doing here?â he asked.
âI came to check on you,â she said, laying a hand on his shoulder. âAre you okay?âÂ
Dustin was ready to tell her he was fine, but he couldnât get the words out. He couldnât get himself to lie. Not to her. She had spent her whole life being lied to and used. Dustin would not join the list of people who had deceived her.Â
âNo, Iâm not,â he said, and fought the urge to tell her that he would be. Because that would also be a lie - Dustin wasnât sure he would ever be okay.
âDo you want to talk about it?â she asked, voice heavy with sadness.
âNo,â Dustin answered, because that was the truth. He didnât know how to talk about it, and figuring it out felt like too big of a task to tackle.
El nodded, and they sat in silence for a while before she broke it.
âI heard about the mouthbreather-â
âDonât worry about it,â Dustin interrupted her because he had no interest in thinking more about that asshole.
âYou punched him,â El finished, and Dustin felt that familiar spark of anger light up inside him.
âListen, El, Iâm really not in the mood for a lesson right now,â he said, trying to keep the rage out of his voice.
âNo, thatâs not-â she started, and then looked to the floor, avoiding his gaze. âItâs just, I get itâ
âWhat?â he asked, genuinely confused. That was not what he had been expecting.
There were a few beats of silence before she looked up at him and spoke up again. She seemed to have a hard time gathering her thoughts.
âBack in Lenore. No one liked me. They poured a milkshake on me, and I punched someone,â she said before ducking her head again, âwith a skateâ
âHoly shit, El,â he said, willing his voice to stay soft despite the feeling of anger creeping up on him on her behalf, âIâm sorry that happened to youâ
âYeah, Mike yelled at meâ
âHe did what!â Dustin exclaimed, screw trying to keep his rage contained.
âItâs okay. I know now that he was just worried about meâ
âDoesnât mean he had the right to yell at you,â Dustin said, but he couldnât help but understand Mike. His friend rarely yelled to cause harm, and Dustin was slowly learning that sometimes concern manifested as anger. Grief did too.
El hummed, âHeâs also worried about you. They all areâ
âWell, thatâs good to know,â Dustin replied, and he hadnât meant for it to come out quite as harsh or sarcastic as it did. It was good to know. Dustin hadnât been the easiest person to be friends with lately, and part of him was scared they had all given up on him.
El hopped down from the bed and looked around his room for a bit as Dustin sat and collected his thoughts. He noticed her fiddle with something and went over to see what it was.
Eddieâs tapes.
âMr. Munson gave them to me before he moved. Itâs the music Eddie listened to. Do you want to hear some of it?â he asked her.
When she nodded, he popped his favorite tape out of its case and put it on. The first note played out, and El flinched. Dustin had forgotten that the volume was turned all the way up.Â
âItâs loud,â she yelled over the music.
âSorry,â he replied sheepishly. He wanted to bash himself over the head for scaring her.
âNo, itâs okay. Itâs louder than thoughts,â she said, and smiled as she started bobbing her head along to the music.
Dustin froze, finger hovering where he had been about to turn down the music. El grabbed his hand and steered them back to the bed. When they sat down, she put her head on his shoulder. Dustin sat rigid beside her.
Was that why he liked the music? Because it was loud? He preferred to listen to it on the highest volume. It made it easier to tune out his momâs concerned sobs. Dustin hated knowing that she was crying because of him. He liked the music because it sounded good, but Elâs comment made him realize that maybe some of it was because it did drown out his own thoughts. He wondered if that was why Eddie had liked it too?
Dustin relaxed and leaned against El, resting his head on hers.
Together they sat and enjoyed the silence of the loudness.
At some point, Dustin gave in to the exhaustion that had begun to seep into his bones, as well as to the comfort and warmth El provided, and fell asleep. He didnât have a single nightmare. Dustin wondered if she mightâve had anything to do with that.
When he woke up, the music was turned off, and El was gone. In her place was the extra blanket from his closet - the one he had once let her borrow when she was cold during one of The Partyâs movie nights.
Dustin vaguely remembered, through his drowsiness, that she wrapped it around him and hugged him before she crawled out the window and disappeared.
He returned to the position he had been in before El visited.
About eight months later, he found himself once again with his eyes glued to the ceiling. There were dried tear tracks down his cheeks and his pillow was damp on both sides. Dustin didnât care. He was too focused on what wasnât there.Â
Comfort and warmth.
El.
She was gone, and Dustinâs chest ached. He hadnât known it was possible to miss someone so much it physically hurt.
With Eddie, that ache had been disguised, buried beneath all the anger.Â
Another tear escaped his eye. He wanted nothing more than the ability to wrap his arms around El and tell her everything would work out.
But he had missed his chance.Â
Too lost in grieving, he missed the signs of her slipping away.Â
If he hadnât been so busy pushing everyone away, would he have noticed it?
The question was driving him insane. There was no telling what would have happened, but the possibility that it could have changed things made the guilt swallow him whole.Â
Not to mention that he still felt responsible for her death in the first place. It was his plan that killed her. He came up with the idea of a bomb, and he would forever beat himself up about that.
Dustin lay in the dark thinking about those damn tunnels.Â
El used them to visit him a few more times after that first one, and Dustin even walked through them to the junkyard to see El train once during one of his many other suspensions from school. Hopper hadnât exactly been thrilled, but there wasnât really anything he could do about it.
Now, he wished he had used those tunnels even more. The tunnels that connected them. He had wasted the last time he could have spent with El. It was time he would never get back. Moments forever lost to regrets.Â
The tunnels were still there, taunting him. It made him want to dig at them until his hands were bloody and the tunnels gone. Or maybe he could dig himself a new connection to El wherever she was.Â
Instead, he lay quietly in the dark, not daring to drown his thoughts out with music.
He thought about how those tunnels still connected him to his other friends - Will now at Hopâs cabin with Jonathan and Joyce, and Robin and Steve at the Squawk. No, he would never take those tunnels or his friends for granted again.
He vowed to do the opposite of pushing everyone away. He would keep a tight hold on all his friends. Then maybe he would notice if they ever started slipping away like El, so he could stop them before it was too late. He would allow them to do the same for him.Â
Once the sun bathed Hawkins in the rays of a new day, Dustin would go check up on Mike.
