veni, vidi, vici, motherfucker

happy 2,102nd birthday to mark antony! the only reason we know his exact birth date two thousand years later is because after his death the senate officially cursed the day of his birth and we have calendar fragments saying january 14th is a Bad Day due to being antony’s birthday. and i think that’s beautiful

happy 2103rd bday mark antony

Under capitalism, we are all the April Fool

Not to be a bitter Jew but I’m thinking back to all those years when I was in college far away from my family and couldn’t go home for Rosh Hashanah or Passover because I had class right before and after. Meanwhile people can’t or won’t skip Thanksgiving this year even though there’s a pandemic. Astonishing tbh

love women who dont subscribe to modesty like at all… when someone tells them they’re good at something and they like “yeah i am” “i know” that’s so hot

whoa bro you’ve never been to a corn maze before? well you have to hold my hand the whole time bro it’s like a rule. really weird I know but like I think we should follow it bro

Hate diet culture so much bitches will b like “don’t eat processed carbs they’re so bad for you” like and??? So what?? God did not give us grain and stone to grind it with for no reason. Bread is inevitable. Bread is food for the heart and the soul. U think I’m gonna give that up in pursuit of instagram fitness?? U think I’m gonna deny myself the simple pleasure of toast with jam so I can endlessly chase an ever-shifting standard of beauty that ultimately means nothing? In 20 years I will no longer be beautiful and in 60 my body will be vacant food for other, smaller creatures. But the taste of fresh bread? Of homemade donuts and still-warm pie? I will carry the taste on my tongue into whatever follows this life. So like. Stop telling me I should diet lmao. I’m not abt to martyr myself just to get a man to look at me.

BETTER THAN EXPECTED

He’s adorable

Hozier if you’re reading this I am ready to get hurt again

feel like God did to us what we did to the Tamagotchis