One NBD Heathen

Haha hahah haha I’m having suicidal thoughts again hahah hahhahahah

I know I’m hungry and I can feel the pain. But guess what? I like the growling in my stomach because it’s the only thing that tells me I’m doing something right. It’s not that I think I’m fat, it’s that I feel like such a liability when I eat because food keeps me alive. The reason why I don’t just kill myself is because there’s still a tiny bit of hope in me that says this passive form of slow suicide starvation may give things time to change. But every time I hear that growling, it reminds me how much time has passed and how nothing has changed.

Sometimes I forget that it isn’t normal to not eat and that normal people don’t obsess over calories so when someone offers me food I have to stop myself from saying something about calories or making some kind of joke about starving

Do you ever read a text and your heart stops and you think “fuck, not again” and then proceeded to crying your eyes out because same

Why didn’t I kill myself when I was in high school everything would’ve been so much easier

DON’T. FUCKING! EAT.

God I can’t stop thinking about different ways I could kill myself