Wake him up nice and slow, bring him coffee in bed. Listen to his problems, tell him that I understand

Nia was clueless about the military till meeting Bradley. Navy aviators, air to air combat, the idea of calling a grown man ‘rooster’, air maneuvers and top gun, all things she learned through him. With learning the fun and fulfilling parts of his job came learning the awful parts. The sometimes mind-numbing lunacy of doing what he did. But to take all of him means taking the thing he loved to do.

“It was fine,” mumbled Bradley as he stared at his eggs.

This was becoming the new answer when Nia asked about work trips. She remembers the days when he couldn’t wait to tell her what he did when he was at away. He loved bringing her into a world that was so important to him. A world that was cemented in his dna, that influenced every thing he did. The morning coffees they would share when they had the time to.

As odd as it sounds, she liked listening to his problems. She liked knowing that he trusted her with that. That her sweet but extremely stubborn and stuck in his ways husband trusted her with the truth. But now she sits here at a silent kitchen table taking in rich curls and puppy dog eyes. She can’t shake the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach she’s been having lately.

Try to loosen up and be more fun. Yeah, I could be more fun

“Has anyone ever told you’re kind of uptight… but don’t worry stick with me and we’ll get rid of that,” said Bradley with a teasing smile.

She knows he meant it in jest in the moment but it’s theme that’s always showed up in their relationship. Even on their first date, Bradley couldn’t help pointing out Nia’s stiff nature. She knows she’s not the most adventurous person. She lived a simple life up until meeting him. She grew up in Tennessee, born to a professor and a pharmacist. The most exciting thing she ever did was move to Virginia for school years ago. Even after the move she had a planned to go back Tennessee eventually. Bradley threw a wrench in that plan. The Navy threw a wrench in that plan.

Nia tries to not nag, and god she hates that word. She hates the idea that her wanting communication makes her the ‘nagging wife’ who doesn’t get it. She hates that there is an expectation for her to know her place. She tries not to take it to heart when it seems like Bradley would rather hang out with the same people he sees all the time. His military friends are family. But then she remembers she’s also his family. She became his family when she said I Do and took his last name.

Just let him be himself, don't try to control

God, help me be a good wife, Cause he needs me. Even when he's not right. Yeah, he still needs me

“You did not just say that to me,” the words come out more shrill than Nia would like.

They’ve been going at it for the better part of an hour. It started with a passive aggressive comment that Nia is fully regretting now.

“You’re the one who brought the conversation in the first place. You picked a fight,” he shrugs nonchalantly.

Nia has always admired (and sometimes resented) how calmly Bradley reacts to things despite never letting things go easily. It takes a lot to push him over the edge. It’s probably a good thing he has that mindset with his job.

“All I want is a heads up. Is that so hard to do?? One measly heads up to know if my husband is leaving… again. It would be nice to know I’m being thought of,” sighs Nia.

She can’t help but think about how differently this conversation went at the beginning of their marriage.

“You don’t get to say that. I think from the moment I wake up. I think of you every time I step foot in a plane, so don’t tell me I don’t think of you,” his words are pointed and his tone turned sharp.

Nia twists her wedding ring; a well established nervous tick. She would be lying if she said it didn’t feel nice hearing that. Maybe he’s right. Maybe she did pick of fight so he’d say something, literally anything to her with some passion in his voice. She feels like it’s been forever since she’s gotten that.

With a gentle sigh, he sits next to her on their bed. He didn’t make the bed this morning, white sheets crumbled under their weight.

“You do know that I think of you right. You’re the only thing that keeps me going sometimes. I’m sorry if it wasn’t enough time. It’s been years and it’s never gonna get easier leaving you,” he says as he grabs her hand and squeezes it.

Nia feels the guilt get stuck in her throat as tears fill her eyes. She can barely get the ‘I’m sorry’ out before he’s pulling her into his chest.

“Sweetheart…we are ok. We will figure it out. It always do. We’re the dream team remember?” he says it so confidently, so sweetly that Nia almost forgets why she was upset in the first place. Almost forgets having to hear the news of a possible mission from a fellow military wife, and in the supermarket of all places.

A part of her wants to continue the conversation, but she takes in his strong arm around her and the smell of his cologne she secretly sprays on things before he leaves.

“Yeah we do figure it out,” Nia leans her head on Bradley’s shoulder and prays the universe doesn’t prove them wrong.

And the truth is I could probably make it on my own. But without him, this house just wouldn't be a home…

Nia is always wound up tight. It’s why when Bradley breezed through her life one really hot summers day nine years ago, she felt every fiber in her body tell her to hold on. Hold onto that delicious, albeit scary feeling he gave her.

She gets to be with the love her life; it seemed like an easy trade off. Put up with seeing him less, and the worrying because when he’s with her, she’s home. And it is hard to find something that compares or beats that feeling. She wonders if something will ever beat it

Things like: the everyday monotony of a past life she thinks about, the peacefulness of country backroads she misses, the independence she sometimes feels like she doesn’t have.