Hello there,
Where have the years gone? Time has definitely been flying by, and Tumblr has become a time capsule allowing me to look back on. To reflect on the kind of person I was and came to be. Itâs kind of funny how I did come back to this site after a number of years just to look back at what I used to post, reblog, and like. It definitely made me reminisce and think about the what used to beâs and is opening my eyes even more to what is now. Oh how much has changed. Reading back at my first post from high school, I kind of cringe of how I used to talk and what I used to actually write about because honestly I never write about anything. Especially on here. But I guess, since not many people come on this thing anymore, itâs okay to share a few of my thoughts.
2019. I am within my 4th year of being a college graduate with a degree that I am not even using but am proud of having. I have definitely gained many different work and life experiences throughout the years I would say. Iâve worked many different health jobs. Iâve struggled living from paycheck to paycheck only being able to eat the bare minimum just so I can obtain more later on, which I did. Working as an EMT and now in a hospital. I have created a lot of amazing relationships with others and have drifted away from many too. Not gna lie, living the âmid-twentiesâ period is pretty tough and boring. My life has become routine. Work, gym, eat, repeat has been my life now for the past few years. Saving money has become impossible because of all of the bills that need to be paid. Spending on luxurious things and events have become the most common mode of satisfaction, which make it even more impossible to save. I guess this is all part of adulting right? Just like my amazing friend Tiffanie Vu, am I still stuck in the past as well? Nah. Weâve come to accept the changes that have occurred, and I look forward to the changes that are about to happen. Itâs really just all part of growing up. Thoughts like these are very interesting to me because it leaves me wondering... is what our parents have gone through?
Idk, I work, I can pay my bills, I eat, I have a roof over my head, and I can still keep in touch with my friends from time to time. But lately, I think that feeling of dissatisfaction has been clouding my mind. I really donât think I have been able to put on one of those real smiles lately. I greet people, talk to people with nothing but smiles, but then that smile withers away immediately. Sometimes, I feel like I have lost that drive that I once had. Iâll admit, Iâm kind of stuck at a position right now where I canât do anything just yet, and I really hate that feeling. Iâm tired of waiting for things to happen. I wanna make things happen, but the situation Iâm currently in needs me to wait. To be patient. This drive, this ambition, this energy just continues to build up inside, and I canât even unleash it to the fullest. The feeling sucks.
I have always said, âjust do itâ or âdo what makes you happy,â and I still abide by those phrases. But right now, thereâs just that feeling of emptiness that has been present inside of me for the longest time. I HAVE been doing a lot of things, but the feeling has failed to go away. I felt like at some point that somethingâs just missing. Part of the reason I moved to SD kind of hoping that Iâd find what I was looking for. I can surely say that I made myself stronger physically and mentally. My overall health has drastically improved. Iâve gained so much discipline. Never would I have thought I would change so much in such a short amount of time. Itâs just that anxious feeling that somethings just missing.
Anyways, thank you Tumblr for allowing me to freely express my thoughts. Call it a rant, but I forgot how great it feels after writing some shit like this. I AM about to embark on a new adventure pretty soon though, and I canât tell you how excited I am. Something that I am actually looking forward to in the longest time. The starting line of that journey is approaching hella fast tbh. But until then, I am really just gonna live my life, find more things to do, maintain my relationship with others, work more on myself, build more relationships, and just keep striving to be better.
