The bastard himself

L E G E N D

God i wish someone would sell me a haunted house. Ghosts aren’t real and I’d love to get a really nice house for like half the price that it should be. 

and if they are real you can fuck them.

This guy gets it!

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

my milkman looking cute as hell in that lil bowtie. lol. 

my wife circa 1935 right after i go to work at the racism factory

Love is made by little cowboys who live in your heart

I wanna buy clown noses in bulk and start sticking them on every person I see whose mask is pulled too low

old men to young women: damn bitch you look kinda dead inside in a public space ... if you don't smile for me right now i will turn you into a little marionette and shackle you in my attic forever

this is still the funniest thing I've ever read

This is advanced

I can’t handle this one.

“I wish ancient people preserved their writing and artifacts better” I write in electronic signals on a piece of hardware that can’t retain its efficacy for more than a few decades.

Time to laser-print my entire blog on titanium plates and bury them underground.

a child just died have some fucking decency baaulp

one of my favorite human quirks is when the power goes out and you’re w other ppl and inevitably someone says ‘did the power go out?’ like...you’re all sitting there in the dead dark, tv black, wifi gone, lights OUT but still they’re like ‘hm. well I have a theory but it needs to be submitted for peer-review’

Me, sitting in my dark room after everything short-circuited: Hm. I can't be certain, but I don't think this is how it was a moment ago

his name is beans

yeah you get it :)

no one tells you how much of life takes practice. not just writing, painting, running, singing, etc, but practicing how to make friends. how to make the right ones. getting practiced at how to be a good friend, a good sibling, a good person. practice identifying when people haven’t earned that. learning to recognize your right to rage and, eventually, how to offer mercy. so much of life is muscle memory, and i’ve begun to realize there are so many more parts of ourselves to flex and stretch and strengthen than those we’re taught in anatomy lessons