Dude! I did stuff!

Backdancer backflip

When a dancer on stage performs any kind of impressive acrobatic skill

OUTCOME: take a sip

 Wink at camera

Due to extreme cheesiness, one must drink!

OUTCOME: take a sip

 Inappropriately short skirt

Determined by whether or not you would be shocked if the person was wearing it on a raised stage in front of a crowd of children

OUTCOME: take a sip

 Pointing (arm stretched) at the audience

When you're feeling singled out and violated by the performer, one must retaliate and drink!

OUTCOME: point back and take a sip

 Pyrotechnics

When all the world is not just a stage but also on fire, take a drink. Note, on fire is both flames shooting up and sparkles raining down

OUTCOME: yell BOOM and take a sip

 Windmachine

When a storm of fierceness blows the mane of the performer to infinity and beyond, one must bask in the glory, reminisce of greater divas of yesteryear, and take a drink

OUTCOME: toast the Carola, and take sip in her honour

"We brought our own prop"

When the song isn't good enough, and the faith to Austria’s stage is lacking, performers tend to lean on the crutch of their own props. This is pathetic, utterly disappointing and just plain sad!

OUTCOME: Shake your head in disapproval, and take a sip

 Obviously gay choir boy

We also accept the obviously gay dancer, the obviously gay drummer and the obviously gay man running across the stage throwing confetti. These people are the show and must be celebrated!

OUTCOME: take a sip, and make jazz hands

 The singer performs modulation

The classic Eurovision tradition of raising the vocals half a tone, to fucking kill it in the great finale of the song

OUTCOME: take a sip and cheer

 Rip away wardrobe reveal

With all of these wardrobe malfunctions happening everywhere, this is one of the ballsiest movies to pull off on the Eurovision stage, and therefore it must be saluted properly

OUTCOME: stand up, raise your glass and drink up

 "Thank you for a great / fantastic / wonderful evening/show"

On this, the most important and intense part of the show, we cannot afford to lose time on these worthless complements. We will not accept this!

Me: 26

Student: *gasp* then you're in a hurry, aren't you? I mean, you need to get a husband and some children

Me: *stares blankly*

Student: I mean, once you're 30, it's pretty much over, right?

Although bitter and sitting in my own anger now. This will not be bottled up. When my friend gets back I will calmly explain to her how I feel about her rhetoric towards this issue. And she’s a good friend, she will understand. I just don’t want to talk about it whilst angry and whilst she’s away and doing other thing. But this will be confronted and it will be just fine. ^^

I have found over the years that certain things will never fail to make me angry as little else. Some things that make me mad are big things, like lying. Don’t you dare lie to me. I never see the point really. I can see why you would leave things out, but the straight up lie always seems to make more trouble. However, lying is not the point in this post. The things that made me mad today was being called stupid, although indirectly. Let me tell you the tale of a Monday, a helping hand and the following beating and yelling of said helping hand.

So earlier today I am sitting by my computer and a friend who is currently abroad visiting friends IM’s me on facebook. Her:”Do you have any movie recommandations for someone who likes “Primer”?” Turns out, her friend is super into Primer, which is fair, it’s a smart film (a bit too smart for my following, but definitely smart as all hell). The two of them are going to watch some movies, so she wants me to recommend a movie to bridge their movie-taste-gap. Challenge accepted!I end up recommending “Confessions” from 2010, it’s a Japanese psychological thriller, that took turns I didn’t see coming, when I watched it (and I tend to see everything coming). I suggested it saying “you’d be equal in the subtitle field. It has a slow start, so you have to make it through the first 20minutes, after that though the story moves around quite rapidly.Also, there will be slowmoton rain. Deal with that” She thanked me and said they might try that.

Fast forward to this evening. Pling! you’ve got a message on Facebook

Her: “What a shit film! What the fuck did you make me watch! You have lost all you film recommendation credit now!

Me: “Sorry you didn’t like it.I’ll grant you the slow motion is excessive, but I like the story. Next time you’ll have to make your own decisions”

This is me already being slightly pissed and yes passive aggressive like a real lady.You don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to deduce, that if I recommended you a movie, I like that movie. Now, if you don’t like it, that’s fine, you are entitled to your opinions and I’m sure that they are right and that you have your own very valid reasons for not liking it. However, not liking something is NOT the same as that thing being bad. If you say the thing is bad and I like said thing, you are indirectly calling me stupid, for clearly I like something bad...You get it, although my phrasing is off. 

She continues: “The story was really weird. I think this is the first time you missed the mark by this much”

Me: “You’ll have to share your criticism with someone else. I like the film and have no use for it.”

Her” hahahaha!” (Oh, yes, this is when you mock me... “Well, I’m giving you it anyway. I didn’t understand the way they...” blah blah blah, criticism follows, that I just explained I have no need for.

Here is the thing. If I like something and you don’t, that where that discussion end for me. At most we can get to the point where I acknowledge your criticism as valid, although, I’m still going to like the thing. Or I might convince you that my reasons for liking the thing is valid, but you’ll still not like it. And that’s it. In the case of this evening, I heard the criticism, agreed with some, and then I’m done. I do not see the point in talking about it further.Which is why I didn’t reply to her last message.

I get so horribly angry at this kind of discussion that it is not even funny. But people say that some music is bad, that some movies are bad, book, tv-shows, foods, whatever, and if I like that thing, I get angry, because I felt like they just called me stupid. 

All they had to do to not call forth a wall of fury was to change their rhetoric. If my friend this evening had say “I really did not like that film, did not enjoy it at all”, I wouldn’t have gotten that angry, pissed, blushing with rage, I would have been fine. You are allowed your opinion and that opinion is allowed to differ from mine, but you are not allowed to devalue something that I appreciate to my face and then expect me to take it nicely. No, fuck you. I get to get angry, I get to be passive-aggressive and I get to ignore your fucking unwelcome shitting on something I like... That was way too many swear words... Well, I’m angry... Ish... 

Student: How could you eat ice cream for lunch?!

-          I officially became a teacher

-          I drank coffee and liked it

-          I almost failed my BA

-          I got accepted to take another BA

-          I saw two men shit in public

Although not at the same time, nor at the same place. In front of me non the less

I should add that I did not know then, nor did I request them to do this.

-          I threw up in a bag on a bus

-          I gained back all the weight I lost last year

-          I went on my first holiday abroad

-          I slept in a hotel bed for the first time

Then got pushed out of said same bed

-          I saw fellatio in the park

Not a play

-          I decided to read 25 books

Then finished three months early and ended up reading 40

-          I started studying at uni

-          I got a treadmill and then never used it

Although I did fall of it first

-          My legs finally healed

-          A baby learned to say my name

She did call me grandpa first though. Still damn cute

-          I got a tiny man made out of reindeer antler to chase away bad spirits

-          I lost my sense of smell

-          I went to the movies with my mom and enjoyed it

-          I saw my grandma more often

-          I rekindled friendships, while letting others die…. Again

-          I set goals but didn’t hate myself for not reaching them all

Because I did achieve some

-          I cried in front for students. Some of which cried too.

-          I went to my old school

And still felt home

-          I didn’t do the dishes for four months- At least..

-          I made a friend I don’t like

-          I watched all episodes of QI

-          I learned that I do not understand, nor am I able to accept that there are people over twenty who have not seen “Fight Club”

-          I got a new toaster

-          I wore shorts in the summer

-          I flew a kite, not for the irony but for the fun of it

-          I got sad, so I bought a bubble gun

-          I played board games with friends for a whole weekend.

And accepted that I would always rather do that then get drunk

-          I made the best pasta salad of my life

-          I made another hole in the wall

-          I made my Sim immortal

-          I rewatched movies, instead of forcing myself to always watch new.

-          Lee Pace wore a shirt

I mean he wore a shirt. Seriously though.

-          I had birds living in my attic room

-          I learned too much about my friends and their intimate relationship with fruit

-          I watched all of RuPaul’s Dragrace

And made everyone join me

-          I bought a stethoscope… For reasons..

-          I wrote my first haiku

-          I got passionate about feminism

-          I started not accepting “because that’s how it is” as a good enough reason

-          I had far too many zits in my nose

-          I got better skin, but a lot poorer

Thanks and fuck you, Clinique

-          I paid off my debt

-          I was unemployed for two months

-          I got into some money and then became immediately afraid of spending it wrong

Aka. The year I didn’t trust myself with my own money

-          I bought the wrong King Kong

-          I developed a crush on a video store guy

-          I decided to drop out of uni and try out the work thing

The work thing will begin in 2015

-          I broke my computer and then got a new one for Christmas

-          I was honest about still wanting toys in my life and so got Lego for Christmas

-          I actually commented on youtube videos

Although only one. Here’s looking at you talkingdownthesun

-          I started learning more about why films are great (thanks everyframeapainting)

-          I wrote this post waay too late and now I’m late for my bus

-          I went to celebrate New Year’s with friends ^^