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oh god what did i do

So some douchewit posted this on facebook I’m normally a positive lala funny blog but I’m a human too so I feel the need to post this.

I am so fucking livid. Self harm is not done out if selfishness. Self harm is done when you’re at the lowest point, when you slide down the back of your bedroom door and hate and sadness fills you up. Some hate their life. Some hate their past. Some hate their body. Some feel alone, like nobody in this world cares. Some just collapse, and suddenly everything feels too much. Some sit there and want to cry forever. Some know this feeling from many times before. Some punch themselves in the stomach or hit their thighs because they despise their body. Some will use their fingernails to flick across their wrist, to give a release that they feel will help them. Some will reach for a blade.

And maybe to a non-self harmer, it seems stupid. But any person who has been through this will just know.

And if you have done this, I’m not the best at saying these things, but it doesn’t make you a weaker person. You’re no less of a human for doing it. You’ll be okay, things will change, time will help you and in the mean time, I (and probably lots of other people) love you.

But what we don’t need to be doing is fucking slamming them for being selfish. That does n.o.t help. Maybe it can seem a little selfish, but at that point, very few will stop.

Why? Now I can’t speak for everyone, but personally, it feels like I had to punish myself. It felt like a compulsion, but also a really strong desire for it. This was at a time where I hated my body, I felt so fat and lumpy and horrible and it felt like destroying my body was the way to go - I literally wanted to cut the fat right off my body. I used to claw at my tummy and punch my legs and flick my fingernails across my wrist to leave red marks and a little blood… I would not want to repeat that. Maybe someone felt the same, someone out there.

Self harming is not selfish. Self harming is self destruct. I agree that it’s not the best outlet, you could go for a walk, punch a punchbag or scream or yell or do splatter painting instead. But to some, in that moment, it appears to them to be their way.

Regarding the last bit, about ‘living the life intended’? Well sometimes, matey, it just ain’t that easy and that’s some shit you gotta learn to live with. Life doesn’t just turn out that way. Shucks, I know.

Suddenly not seeing the spider is

don’t trust pictures of girls because i can go from this

to this