GREETINGS, CITIZENS OF MYPHONELANDIA!

thinking about how ursula k leguin said "what goes too long unchanged destroys itself. The forest is forever because it dies and dies and so lives" and how everyday i wake up slightly different and i can feel myself shed the skin of who i used to be slowly, slowly, until i look back and can scarcely recognise who i was... but also she is still a part of me, part of the leaf litter and the humus, supporting me as i send new roots down and new leaves stretching up to the sunlight

i feel so defensive and protective of people with ARFID like if i had a disorder that made my brain register 90% of food as poison for no reason and i had a bazillion people on the internet constantly calling me a manchild who needs to just grow up and stop being a picky eater i would start killing people

people with ARFID and people with very few autism safe foods and people with contamination OCD and people in ED recovery and everyone else with a complicated relationship with food that no one takes seriously GET BEHIND ME!!!!!!!

Being a woman is like well if you don't want to be torn to shreds by the world you can't be loud and proud (chappell), can't be quietly in your own lane making music (gracie), can't be highly successful (taylor), can't date somebody's ex boyfriend (sabrina), can't wear cute dresses (olivia), can't give one slightly off performance (maisie), can't write about your own life (halsey), can't make a popular song that people don't like (doechii), I could go on forever

i’m spiraling about how fortnight sounds cyclical and repetitive in production until the bridge and how clara bow does too (also until the bridge) but then the manuscript, the true ending of the album, sounds jarringly disjointed and unpredictable because the revelations in that song are what breaks the cycle