sadly, madly, gladly

Dearest Roger,

Even though your three sisters moved overseas The bonds we have put my mind at ease Because I know what you value most Whether on the Pacific or East Coast Around the globe or much nearer There is no one that you hold dearer Than family or a close friend And for each of us backwards you will bend

I know I said a long time ago Something stupid to my little bro Along the lines of being smart, but lazy And that was definitely an oopsy-daisy I was wrong and I hope you please Will accept my sincere apologies And just so we don’t an argument start I wasn’t wrong about the smart part ;) Not only are you clever But as diligent and hard-working as ever The goal-getting, fun-loving, playful you Has built up the successful Guru Where people can relax and meet And enjoy your company oh so sweet

Whenever you are around Fun and laughter will soon abound You’ve always been one to have some fun Whether you’re chilling or on the run And when you send messages to the wrong WhatsApp group We get a glimpse of the mischief you have with your boy troupe With whom you go out for a drink or two Or maybe just one too few When playing or talking sports With your trusted cohorts You shoot the breeze and the hoop To keep at bay that dreaded beer boop

The classroom is no longer where you teach But inquisitive minds you still reach Tyler and Ashton are very lucky indeed That their dad with them will play and read Caroline got herself a good catch Because now you’ve finally met your match When we FaceTime each other across the miles It’s time for laughter and for smiles On days that you take Popo for lunch She knows that you must love her a bunch You’re grounded in strong family values And the right thing to do is what you choose

Mom is very happy to have you there For her and our extended family to care Although we may be distant by flight We’re close without having you in our sight So here’s to you, the youngest one Your faraway sisters love you a ton!

Love, Di, and with liberty, Sha and Nats

Dear Mom,

While the Yen Saan Hotel was not quite the Savoy It was where I found my impressionable Swazi Joy Almost every holiday from school was spent in the Ezulwini Valley Some productive and some just to dillydally

Our first home had a phone Without any dialing tone Instead we had to crank the lever To get the operator on the receiver And while technology has since upped its game African thunderstorms still cut us off the same Slipping and sliding up that red muddy road That every year continued to erode Taught us the joy and fear of driving through the rough And showed us how you, Joy, could be tough Navigating goats and cows on the windy trip to Mbabane And driving to Jo'burg like we were on the autobahn

Click, clack, tab, tap, swish, and pirrr-ring Daily menus we typed serving duck peking From invoicing, to banking, hosting and bow-tie making I enjoyed it all except for the dreaded stock-taking But all the above was innocent and mild And generally expected from an Asian child You trusted us to be left to our own devices when not needed And we pretty much were free to roam the property unheeded So, as mentioned in a previous post I learned about vices and contraband earlier than most

While you were busy working around the clock Maybe you were in the office or at the wok With the chic disco cashier I had a midnight chat And she told me the reason why she didn't get fat Was because of the calories she was burning With all the tricks she was turning So at thirteen I met my first lady of the night And she was nice and kind, and well, alright

People drove across the border to gamble and watch a blue movie And partake in things that would make them feel groovy I remember watching the driver of the John Deere Mowing the grounds randomly without a care As it was the "Swazi gold" he'd smoked that day That decided which parts would become hay One day when the projectionist was nowhere to be seen And there was an adult movie in the disco to screen The sound of flapping tape at the end of a reel Was our cue to thread the next one and a new scene reveal Before dashing back out as quickly as we could SInce I doubt the movie was any good

Let's not forget the bookshelf in the hotel lobby Where the genres where not about what to do as a hobby But more along the literary line Of many trysts clandestine A cousin of ours not to be named Or at this time to be ashamed Who is about six months older than I I wonder who it could be, oh my Would secretly loan the Happy Hooker To pass the time between games of snooker

Dearest Mom,

By the time I was just sweet sixteen There were many forbidden things that I had done and seen Starting from before the age of ten You and dad were working nightly at the restaurant when Sharon and I would dip into the booze Before it was time for our nightly snooze We'd scoop out the chocolate nibs from that yummy bottle of liqueur Knowing what we were doing wasn't so innocent and pure Alas, we weren't smart enough to know at the time That liquid:solid ratios would expose our crime

Then there was the Babycham in the fridge drawer Which until we were caught, made us snore And somehow you figured out that Natalie at age five Like her older sisters wanted to strive So she was sneaking a daily sip From the miniature sherry barrel's leaky drip While you could have punished us You didn't really make a fuss And from then the lesson began that when kids get up to mischief There's no need for penalties unreasonable and stiff Unless they put themselves or others in harms way Rather consider the message of what they should keep at bay

And maybe you shouldn't have hidden it before Roger was four Because today he's the one who can drink so much more ;) But it was after you and dad moved to Swaziland That I really learned about vices and contraband So stay tuned for the next post About how my time with you there meant the most Love, Di

p.s. after this post, Mom sent this.  Wonder what 45 year plus Sherry tastes like?

Dearest Popo,

So glad I had a chance to speak to you today.

  You:   So, how old are you now?   Me:    I just turned 50   You:   Oh.. I didn't realize you where that ... (brief pause)... high age

Like you, I hope I never get "old"!

Happy 97th Birthday!

Love, Di

The late, great cosmologist, Carl Sagan wrote this dedication to his wife Ann Druyan

“In the vastness of space and the immensity of time, it is my joy to share a planet and an epoch with Annie.”

So it is with Diane. How fortunate are we to live within the same infinitesimal heartbeat of endless time, in the same microscopic area of the limitless universe. A year, or a decade or less either way, a mile or more away and we might never even have met. Could we have been as happy in another circumstance, with different partners? Perhaps… but I think not. I cannot believe that fate or kismet could have conspired to improve upon what blind chance and serendipity have wrought – a love so true and enduring that I cannot but believe that it will echo throughout the cosmos after our passing. Or not. All I know is that I have experienced perfection in my time, on this piece of the planet, and that she is the meaning of my life.

Which is why we long ago decided not to give each other gifts on “special” occasions: birthdays, Xmas, Valentine’s Day, all artificial constructs, man made selling opportunities. That is not to say we do not give each other tokens of affection and love.

 But our primary gift to each other is ourselves. Strip away our wealth and possessions and all we have left to offer is the essence of who we are. So we show our thanks and our appreciation of our good fortune every day, in a hundred little ways: the lingering touch on passing by, the preparation of a special meal, the sympathetic ear, the kiss before sleeping.

So, Diane, on this, your 50th birthday, we will have been together for 34 years - a lifetime for some, but a blink of the eye in the implacable march of time. For all the time that I am allowed, this is my promise to you – no one will love you more or hold you more dearly, and not a day will go by that I show you just how much you mean to me.

In just a few days I turn 50, but this email my mom sent to us last week is one of the reasons I still feel young.

"Stayed at Popo ‘s for the past 2 nights….she gets up before me and has a pot of Jungle oats cooked ready for me each morning. Took her shopping the day before…she pushes the trolley around and picks out what she needs….took her for Wun tun mien in Cyrildene."

Dear Mal,

You once joked that I brought home the bacon and you the rinds But if truth be told, you bring home the real treasures of many kinds

You show us that giving is far more rewarding than receiving That working hard and smart with purpose lead to achieving That enjoying an experience trumps gathering a possession That confidences should be treated with privilege and discretion That life is about the relationships we build and nurture And about acquiring knowledge and skills like a never-ending searcher

You teach us to never be judgmental But to be kind and to be gentle To always put life into perspective And to remember to be introspective

You remind us to stay current with technology and world events As it keeps our minds fresh and boredom prevents Your wisdom, friendship, and selflessness can't be outdone You feed our soul with music, laughter, and fun

Love and appreciation always, Di

  (Pics circa 1981)

Dear Sha and Nats, A while ago as I started to write to each of you, I realized that I couldn’t have two sisters so different to each other (and to me) in so many ways. But it got me to think about what you had in common that made you the strong women you are today.

Two sisters To whom life has thrown more than a few twisters A childhood shaped in part by the loss of our dad Who knows what a life we might have had But we learned there is no point in sitting and moping And we had to develop skills in hoping and coping It happened in a different way and pace for each of us And having strong family support was a huge plus Now looking back at our adventures in S.A. and Swaziland We can be grateful for a youth that was far from conventional or bland :)

Two suitcases Held everything you each had to establish new bases In the unfamiliar land of the USA Without knowing what would come with each new day Sharon, in your twenties and single Came to have fun and mingle But decided to stay For more than just play And had to find work That came with a green card perk Natalie, in your thirties, married, and with a one year old child Your first years here were definitely not mild Life was rough And you had to be strong and tough To look beyond the new immigrant hardship And trust that it would turn out to be a good trip

Two survivors With very different drivers No matter how your life was steered You both re-directed and persevered Your journeys have given you what it takes To work through illnesses and aches Unpleasant situations and jobs That have intruded in globs But more than the roads you’ve pounded That have taken you this far and kept you grounded Are the qualities you have that I admire And to which I will always aspire Your unselfish generosity of anything that one can give To help others a better life live

You are both Too special   xoxo Di 

Hi Diane,

Just want to add a short note about your dad. To me he was always such a kind and accommodating gentleman, especially to Po-Po. She cried bitterly when he died because he did so much to help her wherever and whenever he could.

As  for me I shall never forget the time he sat on the couch smoking Viceroy Red and I was watching him all the time. I must have been 14 or 15. He initiated me into my first and last puff on a cigarette. I coughed and choked, and he said that I would never be a smoker.

Uncle Yen, though, knew him and Aunt Rita before I did or even your mom did. Apparently they were “family friends of long standing” and when U. Y was 7yrs old they visited Johburg. Always stayed with your gran. U. Y remembers that particular time very clearly as he said your dad had carried him on his shoulders and walked all the way back home after a movie. Apparently it was raining so they had to walk pretty fast. Your dad was like a big brother to him then already. Did not even realise years later that we would really be connected .

Lotsa Love,

 Aunt B & Uncle Y.

Dear Diane,

Recalling the old days when your Dad became well known and wealthy when he became partners with late Johhy Ma in running a very successful Chinese restaurant known as the Ming Saan in Johannesburg. Both your Dad and Johnny always patronized our Blue and White Sports Club annual Double-Ten Dinner dance functions and it was during one of these function that there was a disturbance by a disgruntled male patron who was unhappy with the location of his table. Since I was the chairman and as well as organizer of the Club, this person decided to pick a fight with me by drawing out an 8 inch knife intending to injure me and at the same instance your Dad  suddenly appeared and wrestled the dangerous weapon from him and together with the help of others  had this person expelled with a tough warning. Till this day I have never forgoton the encounter and have alway regarded your Dad as my savior and hero.

Terry Lai King

I see George … in Sharon –  smiling,  generous, caring, I see George … in Diane   -  cheerful, sincere, intelligent, I see George … in Natalie  -  laughing, persevering, cooking, I see George … in Roger   -   grinning,  dependable, sportsman,

A courageous man who approached Popo May,  to ask for her daughter’s hand in marriage, and paid ninety nine rand and ninety nine cents.

A loving father who wanted his children and to share his passion for holidays, cooking, fishing, eating, innumerable picnics at Hartebees,  Eikenhof,  Little Falls, – only pleasant memories.

A sportsman  ..  who built the tennis court himself – pushing that ground-roller every day, and building the swimming pool.

A man who embraced and extended a helping hand to any person in need.

A true friend who sat in jail with his friend to offer support.

He gave of himself unselfishly.

George  … You left us too soon.

(from Aunt Nellie, mom's sister)

Memories of my father - H.S. May :

What do I remember of Daddy?  Not much at 8+ years old.

Traumatic -  Daddy suffers a fatal heart attack. Fragmented memories of me running out the house in Fordsburg, – up those rickety stairs – to the popcorn factory (comfort food?) and telling Joyce that Daddy had died – crying. I cut my hair - long thick black ponytail - gone. Several Friday afternoons, Daddy driving, with me in the back seat singing, to our chicken farm (now Fourways). Zeroed-in and befriended a pet, a brown chick with a deformed red cockscomb –  no wonder he could not walk straight – a malfunctioning GPS -  then one day chick was wokked – gone. A gambling Daddy -  He offered me a brown paper bag, full of round white spearmints – I could take only one … it had a number written on it (duh?) …  he looked at it, and put it back in the bag … spearmint – gone. Mahjong was his life – I got “tuk-chai”  when he was winning. I pointed to the three red “dettols”  in his row … tuk-chai - gone. In retrospect, these memories are funny  …. definitely not gone !

Nellie

Betty, Joyce (my mom), Popo (my grandmother), Nellie, Alice, Marie, Dougie

I first met the King family in 1967, when I came to the Ming Saan Restaurant to play drums in the band. We played every night from 8 o'clock until 12 o'clock. We were off on a Sunday. Every night after we finished playing, we had "Sui Yeh". This was a midnight snack. George made me feel at home from the very first night i played at the Ming Saan, he invited me to eat and poured me a drink. At that stage I drank beer or Brandy and Coke. I then started dating Rita, but nobody knew about it, yet. One Sunday we were invited to come to have Dinner at the flat in China Town. When we arrived at the flat there were food and drinks on the table that I have  not seen before. I was told by George that the dish was "Raw Fish", and that he prepared it himself. Now, I was not so sure about eating Raw Fish, but George said that I should try it. He said I must have it with Whiskey. I tried it, and since then became "hooked" on Raw Fish.  The other dish on the table was Crabs, done in a black bean sauce, and was prepared by Joyce. Again I have never had this type of food before, and was not sure about eating this. As I again took George's word that it is very tasty, I tried it. We had special tool to get the meat out of the legs of the Crab. George poured Whiskey into the Crab shell and gave it to me to drink. I was grabbed by this Crab dish in a minute. So I can say that George introduced me to " Raw Fish, Crabs, and Whiskey, all in one evening.

I also had the honor of driving his "Big Red V8 Pontiac". George was sitting in the passenger side of the vehicle,(a bench seat), and I was driving. Now, my vehicle was a Opel Kadett, a small four cylinder motorcar. My vehicle did not have power steering or power brakes, electric windows, sun roof,etc. However, as we got to the first traffic light, it was red, so I had to stop. I applied brakes, and we both lifted out of the seat, as I was not used to the power brakes. We came to a screeching halt at the traffic light. George must have got a fright when that happened, well so did I, and everyone that was crossing the road, stopped, and gave me a look that could kill. They all got a hell of a fright. George turned to me and asked if I'm ok? I replied yes, I only forgot that this vehicle had power brakes. We arrived back at the Ming Saan Restaurant and we each had a drink, that was to calm our nerves from the drive we just had.

These memories will stay with me always.

What a great Brother-in-Law I had. It is just a pity that he passed away so soon.

Uncle Phillip

Hi Diane, 

Aunty Violet was two years older than your Dad, and your Dad was seven years older than me.

I am also filled with tears in my eyes when I think of all the times we had together, your Dad, aunty Violet, and even with all you kids at that time. Look at you all now, grown up and have kids of your own. I am very proud of Roger for naming his Son Tyler George King. This was very touching for me.

Talking about the wig, I still have that wig you know, now I am going to put it away until we meet again.

Please send all our love to the family. Lots of kisses to you all.

Aunty Rita and Uncle Phil

Hi Aunt Rita,

Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to send this. It is so special and I have so many more questions to ask.

I'm also super impressed that you used your iPad to do this!!!! Wow! :)

Maybe I'd heard it before, but I didn't remember that Dad didn't finish school. I feel so proud of him (and of course, now I'm all teary eyed :), but in a good way).   What's the age difference between Koo-mah, Dad, and you?

I can just imagine all the fun you must have had in those days, especially dressing up and going out. I always remember you as being super glamourous and well-dressed, no matter when or where. Very stylish. I have a picture of me wearing one of your wigs and sequined top that I need to post. I wonder if there's a picture of you in the same top?

I remember that he loved Elvis too and how he went out and bought a pair of blue suede shoes after he saw the movie!

Thanks again for this precious note!

Will call to chat soon. Congratulations on being a Grandma!!! I'm sure you and Uncle Phillip must be over the moon!

Lots of love!!!

Di

George went to school until the age of 13 years old. He then started work for a Mr Ford, a general dealer. He worked very hard, because he wanted to help his mother and his two sisters to have a better life. With the money he made , he could rent a flat in China Town. We all moved into the flat, number 105, in China Town. George stayed at his place of work. He only moved into the flat when my sister .violet got married. When I was about 6 years old, George use to tease me so much that I cried. After I had my cry, I ran around and called him "Georgie Porgie, Pudding and Pie, kissed the girls and made them cry, when the boys came out to play  Georgie Porgie ran away. We never had any bad feeling towards each other, it was just a boys thing to make girls cry. Every girl went through that, right

At 13 or 14 years old, George picked me up from school In his  " left hand drive" white Dodge, convertible, and took me to my piano lessons. He also loved going to dances, and fancy-dress parties. He would always dress up as a cowboy.  George also played soccer for the team "Bright Stars Soccer Club". He was a good player, and loved the sport. Apart from playing soccer, George also liked playing Mahjong, and to go to movies. We went to the Coloseum, His Majesty, 20 Century Fox, to see movies twice a week. We always went with Wyling, Ah Nam, Mr and Mrs Shing. Those days it was a dress- up affair, and the men wore suits, and the woman cocktail dresses, or evening dress. The same crowd went to the "Wembley Ice Rink" twice a week. George bought me my first set of Ice Skates when I was 13 or 14. I can still hear him playing his favorite music. He loved big band music like, Benny Goodman, Glen Miller, Billy Butterfield, Ray Coniff, and his favorite singer was Johnny Mathis. When George was not in the flat in China Town, he was at Mr Bhana's Corner Shop, playing Pin Ball machines.

These memories will always stay with me. What a great brother he was.

Aunt Rita

Your dad was the most generous person I knew.   Whenever we went out in a crowd he was always the first one to put his hand in his pocket and pay the bill!!

He also played soccer and learned to dance the "Twist" before me!!!where I do not know? We started a small business...selling fish & chips, vetkoek and a few Chinese dishes,mutton curry...pap, stew etc.  The shop was called "Sharon's ". It was very popular with everyone of all nationalities as they knew everything was fresh and well prepared. He was very industrious , enterprising .....we started the first Chinese restaurant "Ming Saan" with a dinner dance . Ming, being Mr. Johnny Ma and Saan being your dad's Chinese name. He always spoilt everyone and provided well for his family......had lots of patience, wisdom and understanding. He also had many friends of all ages and nationalities and was very popular . I remember how he started into the gambling business.    We went to a wedding one evening and he asked me if he could go and play cards with his friends? He returned home in the early hours of the morning, woke me up and showed me a school case full of money.  I asked where did it come from....told me he robbed a bank!   I answered it was too little and not worth the effort.   Anyway, he played cards with his friends and won.  ....that is when he decided to open up a couple of gaming/gambling clubs. I  remember him asking "Smokers Corner" in Jeppe street to import a roulette wheel from France.   This wheel was hidden under our bed until it was put into use in Hillbrow, where we also did "Fan Tan". A game that we used Butter Beans. Even in those days we had the "Mafia". they threatened your dad...but he said to them ...if you are men you must take me on one to one........and if you want a share in my business, I want a share in yours.....anyway, they all became friends..... George Economidies, the Greek, George Carosini the Italian, George, the Lebanese, George aka "the duke" and George the Chinaman. This venture lasted a few years (it was "illegal"). He would come home and say pack some things we are taking the children to the seaside or wherever.   Nothing was ever planned. His family and children always came first. Then Swaziland opened it's first ever Casino in Southern Africa. Your dad went down to Swaziland and discovered the popularity of the place and decided that he would like to open a Chinese Restaurant as there was nowhere to have a decent meal besides the local hotels. .. Then the idea came to him to build a Chinese Hotel as he had to sleep in the car one night...so that is the beginning of  Yen Saan Chinese Restaurant and Hotel . He was so lucky to have investors who trusted him....  He sold his share in the Ming Saan to invest in Swaziland and also managed to borrowed large sums of  money from friends...which I refunded to them over the years. We used to travel every week to Swaziland.  ...oversee the building of the hotel.  Prior to that we did have some hiccups with land problems which we also lost some money. We started to build in 1972...completed and opened March 1974.   It was a very successful venture but also caused him a lot of stress....especially from the staff/employees that he recruited from Hong Kong & Mauritius.....and also the thought of owing the bank/ friends money He passed away in February 1975.  Did not even see the 1st anniversary of his project. I could probably go on and on. Anyway, you can edit this and also if you would like to know more. I will try to remember!! Hopefully!!! [Yes please mom! Love you...]